Because culture and social opinion give total ownership to men, the onus is upon you to make the wife feel part of the game. There are advantages that come with the wife sharing control. Wives can contribute money, ideas, supervision and security. Two hea
In the unlikely event of your death, the wife will not have a problem taking on the project and warding off â€˜vulturesâ€™. And that safe guards your childrenâ€™s future.
Men who make it difficult for wives to feel like part owners of the home lose out. Relatives will take advantage of his absence to defraud the family, the home will miss out on her female creativity to beautify the place, she wonâ€™t be willing to contribute to the building of the home and if she gets money, instead of investing it with the husband in the home, she will do something secret on the side.
Your wife will not feel at home as a matter of course.
You need to ensure the following:
Make your wife comfortable. Marriage is a joint venture. Comfort builds security in her, hence her confidence in assuming ownership. Trust and love will help erase fears and bad mentality of marriage that may accrue from her past experience of stories about bad marriages.
You must indicate, by action and words, her position vis-a- vis your other relatives, especially those who want to take control of the home. Wives need a husbandâ€™s support before they can assert themselves where in-laws are concerned.
Desist from references sensitive to the issue of ownership. Even in the fit of anger, avoid threats to throw her our of â€˜yourâ€™ house or references that insinuate that the home is yours alone. l Consult her whenever you want to do anything with the home. Right from buying a plot, through negotiation and building, type of materials, cost and character of the house, the wife should have her say about all those things.
Give her legal status. A church or mosque wedding is good but if you canâ€™t afford it, you can organise a cheaper alternative like wedding at the RDC or a customary marriage. Cohabiting keeps wives in an insecure position.
Take your wife as a human being, capable of mistakes and shortcomings. Avoid battering, humiliation and any dehumanising actions or comments that may hurt her confidence.
By Hilary Bainemigisha, a relationship counsellor