This morning, as I surprised myself with a Valentine move I will tell you later, I remembered the story of Guma, my old pal. He gave his girlfriend a gift of pure cotton bed sheets and came bragging about it.
Like my MP, Beti, I said something about closing eyes and property grabbers without thinking of the consequences. I told him that bed sheets are a risky type of gift to give a girlfriend. It can really hurt when your rival rolls with your woman, in your sheets, bought by your money and with your love, I must have said.
That deleted the smile from his lips as instantly as M7 stopped NAADS funds. I do not know if he tried to retrieve the sheets but I would not be surprised if he did.
So, think my friend before you hit the send button: Is that Valentineâ€™s gift something you will not feel compelled to protest about when the land bill is finally passed and you cannot evict squatters on your land?
In the giftsâ€™ constitution, it is stated that once a gift is passed on, its tenure changes and the sender ceases to be in control.
Although it is courteous not to wipe your girlfriend dry after a shower using the towel your ex bought you, it is not prohibited anywhere in the penal code. You can even give your boyfriend the car your sugar daddy bought you and the moneyed dads are not supposed to get annoyed.
But in reality, such things remain in the book.
A woman who pays your rent, may feel justified to decide who enters your room and who doesnâ€™t. A man, who buys you a phone may demand rights to check the people you interacted with the phone. A guy will tell you that what hurt him most was the fact that his girlfriend would call other men using the phone he bought her. One girl was pissed off when she met her rival carrying â€˜herâ€™ paper bag in which she had wrapped her gift to the man they were sharing!
So, check again. What is your Valentineâ€™s gift for Beloved?
It may be wise to give a gift that will not hurt you so much when your rival starts deriving pleasurable utility from it.
Some gifts are deemed binding! A girl can give a man plots and districts and that is fine because they remain in abstract. But when it is real estate, are you going to call police when they marry someone else and you cannot even call him a squatter?
Imagine yourself jobless, losing points in free fall like Man U, with kids who are also dropping out of good schools and yet the house you could have used to salvage your falling fortunes has a new owner - you gave it away one Valentineâ€™s Day when your team was still in the tournament.
But now it technically belongs to Egypt, who happens to be the person that overthrew you. Think again my friend.
If this doesnâ€™t hurt you, go ahead and give anything. You are an ideal person to love. But if you are already frowning, donâ€™t give gifts deemed very expensive or too personal. The land bill will give her ownership and it will be too late for you to evict her without additional compensation.
Give flowers, wines and chocolate which wonâ€™t outlive your relationship. You can also go out and accumulate memories which your rival may not inherit once your regime ends.
As for me, I wanted to do it differently this morning of lent.
The devil tempted me to send flowers to my ex of 1900. There was no Valentine when we dated. And, in case my wife is reading this, I must add that there are no ulterior motives. I have even forgotten how she whatevered. She can pass the flowers on to her guy if she wants.
I only enjoyed the surprise and the giving.
Examine your gift first