Holiday parenting: Dealing with changes in your child
May 02, 2008
THERE is something queer – or it is that you are simply amazed? It’s been just one term in high school, but your child seems to have suddenly sprouted and grown!
By Carol Natukunda
THERE is something queer – or it is that you are simply amazed? It’s been just one term in high school, but your child seems to have suddenly sprouted and grown!
The little girl you knew last holiday has put on weight – and the boobs are demanding the attention of whoever dares to glance her way.
That little boy suddenly surprises you with his deep voice.
And they are no longer hanging around you in the kitchen or as you do the laundry. In fact, they vanish, one by one, as soon as you join them.
Then there are constant battles — one makes a big fuss when her little siblings sit on her bed. There seems to be some sort of sibling rivalry: “Don’t use my comb; don’t touch my toothpaste; don’t …†The “donts†go on like a ringing bell.
Of course, to any mother, these changes are far too many to accept in such a short time.
“You get tired,†says Jennifer, a mother of two teenagers. “Sometimes I wish they could just stay at school, because I am more peaceful.â€
But sadly, the fighting will not end anytime soon, not when adolescence is just beginning its work on them. And no matter what, they are still your children. So how do you deal with the changes in your child as you try to get along with them?
According to Ruth Senyonyi, a counsellor, it is important to understand the stage the child is going through. An adolescent, she explains, usually feels completely out of control, even without any big reason.
“Mood swings are common in puberty and none of you may know why. You have to bear that in mind,†Senyonyi says.
But that shouldn’t mean that you should pamper them or treat them harshly. You have to be yourself – continue setting your limits as a parent. Senyonyi says you can explain why you disagree if they behave in an inappropriate manner.
“Don’t just say “no†to everything they do. Tell them it is okay you understand their feelings, but there are also things you cannot tolerate. Be open with them, and let them know that they should cooperate as siblings,†Senyonyi says.
Winnie Wesonga, a counsellor with Family Life Network, agrees and adds: “Try not to be rigid. Let the child also have a say. Sometimes parents overreact simply because they know that the children are now adolescents.â€
Once you have made this clear, it is time to settle them down and talk to them about issues to do with sexuality. Remember, they are now grown – and you don’t want them to mess up.
THERE is something queer – or it is that you are simply amazed? It’s been just one term in high school, but your child seems to have suddenly sprouted and grown!
The little girl you knew last holiday has put on weight – and the boobs are demanding the attention of whoever dares to glance her way.
That little boy suddenly surprises you with his deep voice.
And they are no longer hanging around you in the kitchen or as you do the laundry. In fact, they vanish, one by one, as soon as you join them.
Then there are constant battles — one makes a big fuss when her little siblings sit on her bed. There seems to be some sort of sibling rivalry: “Don’t use my comb; don’t touch my toothpaste; don’t …†The “donts†go on like a ringing bell.
Of course, to any mother, these changes are far too many to accept in such a short time.
“You get tired,†says Jennifer, a mother of two teenagers. “Sometimes I wish they could just stay at school, because I am more peaceful.â€
But sadly, the fighting will not end anytime soon, not when adolescence is just beginning its work on them. And no matter what, they are still your children. So how do you deal with the changes in your child as you try to get along with them?
According to Ruth Senyonyi, a counsellor, it is important to understand the stage the child is going through. An adolescent, she explains, usually feels completely out of control, even without any big reason.
“Mood swings are common in puberty and none of you may know why. You have to bear that in mind,†Senyonyi says.
But that shouldn’t mean that you should pamper them or treat them harshly. You have to be yourself – continue setting your limits as a parent. Senyonyi says you can explain why you disagree if they behave in an inappropriate manner.
“Don’t just say “no†to everything they do. Tell them it is okay you understand their feelings, but there are also things you cannot tolerate. Be open with them, and let them know that they should cooperate as siblings,†Senyonyi says.
Winnie Wesonga, a counsellor with Family Life Network, agrees and adds: “Try not to be rigid. Let the child also have a say. Sometimes parents overreact simply because they know that the children are now adolescents.â€
Once you have made this clear, it is time to settle them down and talk to them about issues to do with sexuality. Remember, they are now grown – and you don’t want them to mess up.