Mukono the land of beauties

May 29, 2008

Uganda Christian University Mukono has done it. In this year’s intake, deliberate efforts were made to admit more females than men. (Pause for applause).

Hilary Bainemigisha

Uganda Christian University Mukono has done it. In this year’s intake, deliberate efforts were made to admit more females than men. (Pause for applause).

And if their gender sensitivity prevails, we shall soon have male undergraduates at Mukono having to reposition themselves in a new environment of playing minority in a female majority.

And it is interesting, I can assure you. If you are a man, you do not have to imagine yourself marooned on an island with half a dozen beautiful females! And you are the only guy, meriting all the competing attention.

If you have ever been in a similar situation, you know what happens when God sends more manna than Israelites can eat. Is it King Solomon who got overwhelmed by wealth to compose psalms about his cup overflowing? He had a thousand wives!

One time in high school, I was on the entertainment committee, whose only work was to organise school dances with female visitors.

Our school was males-only and you can imagine the excitement that descended on us with every day that brought us nearer to a school dance.

I suggested and popularised an experiment which actually raised my stock value tremendously. We invited many girls and restricted the number of boys into the dancing hall to ensure there were more girls than boys.

Oh my! Oh my! It was an enviable situation where even before a record started humming its way into the speakers, three or four girls would be diving and falling over themselves to simultaneously tap you to a dance.

Then you would put on this calculating face (who should I take?), scanning their pleading faces (Please, don’t embarrass me!) before gesturing that you are still considering whether to dance and you need peace to do that, sending four poor souls scampering for the next guy, also playing hard-to-get.

Even then, 20 seconds later, another girl would be asking you if you are sure you do not want to dance, just because it was embarrassing for them to stay on the bench or dancing alone.

And while dancing, no girl would resist whatever style you deemed suitable, probably hoping that if she pleased you, you would have reason not to leave her stranded come next number.

The ‘jerks’ we were used to in squeeze dances disappeared and all the guests made themselves user-friendly. We were the Museveni and they were the aspirants looking for ministerial positions.

There is more in this story but I rarely want to make friends jealous. So I will conclude that we enjoyed what females are used to: Behaving like food these days; being fewer and having a lot of money chasing after you.

Even the tattered, bruised or withered bananas cannot fail to get a buyer! And we were pretending that we don’t want to play ball so that the girls may show more innovation to attract our attention. All the guys agreed it was the best time of their life.

Not so?
That is what happens when natural laws are altered. Schools have always been a guy’s territory where girls become the money just because they are scarce.

Guys do the chasing and even the ugly girl gets her share of suitors to build her self-esteem. Boys become cleverer with survival tricks that assist them during the later struggle for resources in life.

That is until Uganda Christian University enters the stage. Out go the dry seasons, no need of novelty and cunning strategies to earn female favours and boys start learning how to play hard-to-get games. Girls who are not so endowed resign to gravity and get lost among the dregs, taking down their self-esteem with them.

The male undergraduates start behaving like overfed cats, dozing off while rats are holding a nude parade around.

But do not get jealous yet. Three years down the road, as the university assembling line delivers them into the field, they will get lost. Males will regain their numerical disadvantage, boys will see stars and wonder what happened to the good old days. You know how difficult it is for some old cats to learn new tricks.

As for girls, well, do you need to figure out the importance of such skills like initiating relationships, outmanoeuvring opponents, staying afloat at all costs and marking territory?

I cannot wait to do my PhD at Mukono Christian University. I intend to be a resident student, with a pair of pliers in my hind pockets. But I will not be that harsh; my pliers will be stainless steel.

hbainemigisha@newvision.co.ug

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