Please God take Mugabe!

Jun 28, 2008

HAVING breathed fire from every orifice, including announcing that he would make very sure the Opposition would never take power in his Zimbabwe, no matter the result of any election, President Robert Mugabe finally admitted that only God could ever remove him.

By John Nagenda

HAVING breathed fire from every orifice, including announcing that he would make very sure the Opposition would never take power in his Zimbabwe, no matter the result of any election, President Robert Mugabe finally admitted that only God could ever remove him.

Wow! It was incredible that one so deeply superstitious could even admit this much, for what if God took him at his word; oh happy day for mankind? This column is on its knees to pray to the Almighty that indeed it is time to grab by the neck this killer of his own people and hurl him into Everlasting Darkness for good.

What more remains to be said of this sadistic malevolent, whom at the beginning of his reign we so much respected and loved? We thought he would leave his country, his continent and mankind better for his having been. Now all is ash. It is as if everything he continually inflicts on his helpless people is a rehearsal for the fiery region to which he is headed; the sooner the better, please God!
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Reader, I awoke Thursday with no more on my mind than to fight off a mighty cold, currently prevalent in our fair city. Soon enough I had more trouble. Vision showed I had come under withering fire from First Lady Janet Museveni.

P.G.Wodehouse’s Bertie Wooster (love those books!) called it being slapped with a wet fish across the chops. I now know the feeling. The previous Saturday I had serenaded two First Ladies: Janet Museveni, and the Nabagereka (Queen) of Buganda. Now Mrs Museveni was castigating me for, in effect, what she called putting words in her mouth concerning Aids.

I had meant well, but as sardonic Oscar Wilde said, no good deed goes unpunished! To clarify her position, vigorously, Mrs Museveni said in her article that any use of the condom should, as far as she was concerned, be restricted, if no alternative existed, to young married couples, especially of between 30 and 40 years. I read her article four times before settling down for breakfast, my cold temporarily forgotten! I ended up more confused than clarified.

We all know Aids is bad for you, regardless of age. It affects, terribly, Madame’s young married couples (and older ones too) as much as anybody else, including those who have not yet tied the knot. Aids germs are too opportunistic to care about such differentiations. Every factor catalogued by the lady about the horrific consequences of not using condoms during sex speaks up for all people, including the issue of such couplings. If the sex urge is human, which most believe it to be, unprotected sex can be a dangerous thing if one of the participants has the Aids strain, never mind your marital status. You can add the coda, to be a little vulgar, that married couples are “getting it” at home, so why are they straying, and being offered the special privileges of the condom into the bargain?

Having lived on this naughty planet for “three score years and ten” I know that the myriad cases of the unmarried continually indulging in sex cannot conveniently be swept under the carpet. Sense dictates that times change, and with them modes of behaviour. But Mrs Museveni chillingly writes: “…I still strongly maintain my conviction that for young unmarried women and men of this nation, condoms are not an option.” Why not, and not an option for whom exactly? And what might be the outcome of such a decree? Once you have sanctioned, however reluctantly, the use of condoms for certain sections, and thus set a precedent, surely and logically it is a step towards widening this more.

Neither Mrs Museveni nor your humble columnist, are advocating sex for the very young: say before the age of 16; although there are others who would lower that to 14, and lower. And of course it is a given that if you can abstain, do so. Preach this as much as you can, but be prepared for the fact that hormones often dull the ear that should be listening; and recommend the C in ABC! Still, if I serenaded the First Lady, based on inaccurate facts, I am blushing, contrite and beg forgiveness.
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On a happier note, midweek I went to the unveiling at the British High Commission of the statue of Uganda’s national icon, the Crested Crane. The ceremony was carried out by Ugandan Foreign Minister Sam Kutesa, before a small but select crowd. Of the two busts that were made, one was presented to Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth of Britain on her State Visit to Uganda last November. She loved it so much she has placed it in the middle of the little island in the ornamental lake at Buckingham Palace: a singular honour. The second bust was this one, bought by the British High Commissioner, the departing Francois Gordon.

Kutesa amusingly said the Crane was special to the Banyankole (of whose tribe he is one) and that they had passed this on to the rest of Uganda! I audibly demurred, saying the bird was equally popular in other Ugandan parts. What is more Kutesa proceeded to “sing” a Runyankole ditty in a tenor voice difficult to describe. But the occasion was nice.

Let me end with a note to the very near future. At 7pm this Monday, you should not miss the balletic performance at the National Theatre of the Burundani Dance Company. Be there and fall in love.

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