IT is a manâ€™s world or is it? In todayâ€™s world of romance, nothing is clear cut. From the way couples meet through the dynamics of dating, to the politics of running a relationship, cunning wears the pants.
A womanâ€™s perspective
You have the power to win and keep him
By Catherine Bekunda
Imagine a question put before anyone of us saying: â€œDo you want a happy relationship? Do you want a happy marriage?â€ I am sure all humanity would sound a thunderous â€˜Yesâ€™ because it is everyoneâ€™s desire to love and be loved.
The loss of love has caused all the destruction and hatred we are experiencing in the world. People have done all sorts of things to attain happiness in their relationships and more so marriages, but this seems to be an illusion that might not be achieved unless proper cards are played at the right time.
The women, who more than anyone else, desire this happiness, have gone an extra mile to achieve stable relationships by doing something that has instead denied them this much-sought happiness â€” offering sex to be approved by a man.
Most girls realise when it is too late that they gave in to sex much earlier to trap a man, only to lose him.
I have never understood why a man can sleep with many women and continue living a normal life. For a woman, sharing herself with a man is a sign of commitment and other factors constant, she would be willing to settle down with him.
Christian Carter, the author of Catch Him and Keep Him, says: â€œMen want to be challenged by the idea of meeting, attracting and pursuing a woman. They want someone they really want.â€
I compare this to the satisfaction that comes when one wins a tough puzzle. I used to think Sudoku puzzles were really tough. I kept trying and messing them up until one day, when I figured out how to get it done.
It was as a result of my persistence that I won it, and I have never wanted to fail it again. This is true of men. If you appear to him as a junior puzzle, he will leave you and look for a complex or standard puzzle and you and I know that standard puzzles are not easy to win.
So he will research and put in more strength to win you. Women, stop yelling about how you have lost your dream man. The power to catch him and keep him depends on how easily you surrender yourself to him. Deciding to sleep with him will determine how much love he will give you and how long it will last.
With everything being modernised, societal values have been eroded, opting for simpler, but expensive actions in the long run. It is not surprising that women these days approach men for relationships, a taboo in the past.
We may look at it as fine, but a man will always want to be in command and this valuable lesson, woman seems to have forgotten.
Most men say they do not like women who give them â€œhard timeâ€ but truth is, it is from this hard time that they feel a womanâ€™s worth. If you take your time, you will win him over slowly. Make him feel you are the most important thing in his life.
So what should women do?
Mary Butamanya, a counsellor, advises young girls to set values for their relationships and make sure they are not compromised.
â€œLet a man chase you and win you gradually,â€ she advises. A man will never see your worth just because he is having sex with you.
Women seek approval from men in the worst way â€” sex, says Christian Carter. The Bible tells us, fornication or adultery is the greatest sin because it is sin against oneâ€™s body.
That is why most women, after giving in to sex, nurse feelings of regret and self-hatred because they feel they have been used and cast aside. Their male counterparts, on the other hand, just walk way as though nothing has happened.
Reason? Men may have sex not because of love, but just as a challenge and once that is solved, they move on.
It is important to make a man feel attracted to you.
There is no amount of talking, sharing or sex that can change a manâ€™s mind toward you if you have broken the first rule.
It is high time women got it into their heads that men will not value them as they would want and hence stop seeking approval from them through sex. You will only be proving that you are not a challenge and so he will not feel strong about winning you.
James, 30, a technician says: â€œIf a girl tells me she does not have a boyfriend, I move on to the next. I want to win my girl from someone else.â€
There is a tendency for people not to value what they easily acquire and this goes for love relationships. So my dear sisters, watch out before you make yourself prey to some hungry man, only to be left nursing a broken heart.
Take your time, you have the power to win him