Dealing with the office gossip

Oct 31, 2008

“PREGNANT? Is she married?” someone asks cynically, as the group bursts into laughter. We have seen it all – the prying eyes and poking noses at the workplace, when the single young corporate woman conceives.

By Carol Natukunda

“PREGNANT? Is she married?” someone asks cynically, as the group bursts into laughter. We have seen it all – the prying eyes and poking noses at the workplace, when the single young corporate woman conceives.

Suddenly, that bulge on your belly becomes the hottest news in the office corridors. Crowds of twos and threes take time off in the parking yards, or at the canteen to share this seemingly “great” gossip. Who is the father of the child? Who did she sleep with? It seems like some sort of abomination, to say the least.

Pregnant women often experience all sorts of ridicule in the workplace. But the single girls are particularly hit hardest due to presumptions surrounding their marital status.

Aisha, 24, quit her job because everybody used to treat her as an outcast.

“My female supervisor changed as soon as I got pregnant. It was just ‘hi, hi.’ We no longer laughed or joked. Tension was building up and I just had to quit,” Aisha says.

Prisca, formerly a front desk officer, remembers the offensive statements about her appearance.

“I overheard someone tell his friend: “Who did this to the small thing?” Prisca recalls sadly, adding that she wished she had aborted before the bulge was visible enough. It was already too much for the 22-year-old, given the fact that none of her family members seemed to approve of her decision to conceive before marriage.

Aisha and Prisca’s stories show clearly that even with the emancipation of women, pregnancy remains a common discrimination in not only in society, but also in the realm of employment.

But why? Clearly, this young woman is working, she has a career, she is above the age of consent and that child will do just fine. She is not like the ghetto mother who is not even sure of the next meal.

Josephine Mpande, a sociologist, says society does not condone motherhood without a partner.

“We have been brought up in families where you had to be married to be a mother. In some cultures, some girls were banished or even thrown into the gully. Society deems it a shame,” says Mpande.

She, however, says some people especially close acquaintances are genuinely stunned – never mind that you are perhaps on the higher side of your 20’s or 30’s.

“Maybe they hoped that things would be nicely done and officially – a kwanjula, kuhingira and so on. Maybe your employer feels you won’t be as efficient anymore. Your friends may feel betrayed that you didn’t take much care, while some older people, still look at you as a baby; they don’t want to admit you have grown up,” Mpande explains.

And yet, such views ignore one of the most pressing issues today. Increasingly, women want to focus on their careers. And the biological clock is ticking away. In fact, while one has a whole life to get a career; this is not true about having a baby! So one decides to have her child early enough - married or not.

The question though is: how do you cope with the tension at the workplace? Do you abort, because colleagues don’t approve of your pregnancy?

“Certainly not,” says Peter Matovu, a counsellor, psychologist and former director of Makerere University Guidance and Counselling Centre.

“Expectant mothers should accept themselves. It has happened, finished,” Matovu says. “You have a life in your tummy, which is going to bring you happiness for the rest of your life. People always talk.”

He says the first step to accepting yourself is confiding in a close friend about your fears, or an older and understanding woman about how she endured the gossip.

Matovu, however, advises women to be cautious when making motherhood decisions in the first place.

“Why be pushed into having a child, just because everybody has one? Everyone has their time. Besides, premarital sex is a sin,” Matovu says.

Laws are in place to address discrimination, bullying or teasing of pregnant women at the workplace, according to the Workers’ legislator, Dr. Sam Lyomoki.

“The Employment Act 2006 and the Labour Unions Act provide for the rights of pregnant women. They provide for arbitration and settlement in case of grievances like teasing,” he says.

Lyomoki also says companies need to put in place guidelines on teasing and bullying, so that agitated women can forward their complaints. Counselling services should also be considered, since it can take time for a first time mother to accept that she is actually pregnant.

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