Desree is ready for marriage
DESREE Barlow is a broadcast media consultant. She also works at Uganda Broadcasting Corporation as a news anchor and at Capital Radio as a presenter. It was her birthday last week and Hilary Bainemigisha asked her how she felt:
I’m 27 and soon, my parents will be asking me where their son-in-law is. I also think I should work on that; I want to have a man I can call my own, wake up with; a partner to face life with.
How are you planning to do that?
It is a matter of opening up and making myself available by going out and meeting people. I rarely socialise. I am always at home, shopping or visiting relatives if I am not at work. You cannot meet people when most of your free time is spent watching TV. I have found dating a bit distractive. So to keep focused, I really closed myself off. I would even change my phone number and often lose some friends as a result. However, I would also get new ones along the way. May be, people even think I am cohabiting.
Actually, the press said you were comfortable romantically.
It was not true. I am not cohabiting, have no plans to introduce anyone and there are no wedding meetings. I have had a relationship, but I realised it was not helping me to be productive. I was wasting myself in small squabbles and that could not go on forever. It was distracting me all the time.
But is there a relationship that is not distractive?
I know relationships have ups and downs. But a relationship, which takes up 90% of your time in squabbles and arguments on trifle things doesn’t help at all. I quit.
How do you find it easy to switch emotions?
It is difficult because I sometimes – even now – think about so many positive moments I had with him and miss them, but I have to move on.
How many relationships have you had so far?
Very few. Before this one, I spent about three years without a boyfriend. But I have spent most of my adult life flirting because, as a young girl trying to climb to the top, I have met many useful people who also wanted to use me. I flirt with them and get to what I want without compromising my integrity.
I think I am sharp. It is a challenge for many young girls.
I have always wondered about how easily you access the President. Do you flirt with him too?
My former employer once said; “Desree, you must be dating the President!â€
The first time I met the President was on entirely professional grounds. People have said I am dating not only him, but many powerful ministers and government officers. But I want to assure you that I have very high regard for the President and he did not even show interest in me as a woman. He respected my work and couldn’t believe that at 23, I was that confident and could disagree on issues with well balanced arguments. He is my father figure and I respect him as much as my dad. When you know what you want, are focused and go for it confidently, you will succeed.
How would you have flirted him off if he had seduced you?
He didn’t. It never occurred because he treats me like his daughter. So does his wife.
What problem do you anticipate in the serious affairs you are bracing yourself for?
My biggest problem is that people date the illusion of who I am and ignore the real Desree. I need care, attention, love and above all respect. I don’t demand high maintenance, no expensive make-up, no classy clothes or hang outs. After all, I remain a woman, created to complement a man.
Do you ever fear that time could be running out on you for children?
I love children no matter whose. I love their innocence. I want kids of my own, but I need to be in a settled relationship for that. At 27, it is not too late for me.
Who is your ideal man?
He must be single, God-fearing, respectful and one who can help me see further that I do now. I don’t want to be the teacher, so he has to be knowledgeable and intelligent. He should also be sincere, clean, confident, love his mum and children and have a positive outlook to life. He should also be taller than me. Oh yes, and also clean.
Would you settle for being a second wife if you found a married man with all the above qualities?
Never! Polygamy is no longer fashionable. I have never dated a married man and will never do it. However, I have flirted with many of them, but without any feelings attached.
I want my own man. I cannot share a man. I will wait for mine; the right time for marriage is not in terms of age, but when the right man shows up.
So will you walk out on a marriage because of adultery?
What is important is not to rush into a decision but examine individual cases and seek advice. Is it habitual or just a single case?
What would make you leave a marriage?
That would depend on the age. A woman tolerates different things at different ages. My mother may tolerate things I cannot.
At 27, are you a successful woman?
2006 dragged me back because I was in a relationship that stifled my progress. By 2005, I was overly successful. I had met many very important people, made fans, secured employment and accumulated a good CV.
How are you planning to do that?
It is a matter of opening up and making myself available by going out and meeting people. I rarely socialise. I am always at home, shopping or visiting relatives if I am not at work. You cannot meet people when most of your free time is spent watching TV. I have found dating a bit distractive. So to keep focused, I really closed myself off. I would even change my phone number and often lose some friends as a result. However, I would also get new ones along the way. May be, people even think I am cohabiting.
Actually, the press said you were comfortable romantically.
It was not true. I am not cohabiting, have no plans to introduce anyone and there are no wedding meetings. I have had a relationship, but I realised it was not helping me to be productive. I was wasting myself in small squabbles and that could not go on forever. It was distracting me all the time.
But is there a relationship that is not distractive?
I know relationships have ups and downs. But a relationship, which takes up 90% of your time in squabbles and arguments on trifle things doesn’t help at all. I quit.
How do you find it easy to switch emotions?
It is difficult because I sometimes – even now – think about so many positive moments I had with him and miss them, but I have to move on.
How many relationships have you had so far?
Very few. Before this one, I spent about three years without a boyfriend. But I have spent most of my adult life flirting because, as a young girl trying to climb to the top, I have met many useful people who also wanted to use me. I flirt with them and get to what I want without compromising my integrity.
I think I am sharp. It is a challenge for many young girls.
I have always wondered about how easily you access the President. Do you flirt with him too?
My former employer once said; “Desree, you must be dating the President!â€
The first time I met the President was on entirely professional grounds. People have said I am dating not only him, but many powerful ministers and government officers. But I want to assure you that I have very high regard for the President and he did not even show interest in me as a woman. He respected my work and couldn’t believe that at 23, I was that confident and could disagree on issues with well balanced arguments. He is my father figure and I respect him as much as my dad. When you know what you want, are focused and go for it confidently, you will succeed.
How would you have flirted him off if he had seduced you?
He didn’t. It never occurred because he treats me like his daughter. So does his wife.
What problem do you anticipate in the serious affairs you are bracing yourself for?
My biggest problem is that people date the illusion of who I am and ignore the real Desree. I need care, attention, love and above all respect. I don’t demand high maintenance, no expensive make-up, no classy clothes or hang outs. After all, I remain a woman, created to complement a man.
Do you ever fear that time could be running out on you for children?
I love children no matter whose. I love their innocence. I want kids of my own, but I need to be in a settled relationship for that. At 27, it is not too late for me.
Who is your ideal man?
He must be single, God-fearing, respectful and one who can help me see further that I do now. I don’t want to be the teacher, so he has to be knowledgeable and intelligent. He should also be sincere, clean, confident, love his mum and children and have a positive outlook to life. He should also be taller than me. Oh yes, and also clean.
Would you settle for being a second wife if you found a married man with all the above qualities?
Never! Polygamy is no longer fashionable. I have never dated a married man and will never do it. However, I have flirted with many of them, but without any feelings attached.
I want my own man. I cannot share a man. I will wait for mine; the right time for marriage is not in terms of age, but when the right man shows up.
So will you walk out on a marriage because of adultery?
What is important is not to rush into a decision but examine individual cases and seek advice. Is it habitual or just a single case?
What would make you leave a marriage?
That would depend on the age. A woman tolerates different things at different ages. My mother may tolerate things I cannot.
At 27, are you a successful woman?
2006 dragged me back because I was in a relationship that stifled my progress. By 2005, I was overly successful. I had met many very important people, made fans, secured employment and accumulated a good CV.