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Why your lover may be a big time liar

By Vision Reporter

Added 2nd February 2007 03:00 AM

IRENE had a boyfriend who was unemployed. She loved him so much that she provided for almost all his needs. They were even planning to get married. One day, Irene received a call from a friend who told her that her boyfriend was getting married to another woman the next day.

IRENE had a boyfriend who was unemployed. She loved him so much that she provided for almost all his needs. They were even planning to get married. One day, Irene received a call from a friend who told her that her boyfriend was getting married to another woman the next day.

By Oscar Bamuhigire

IRENE had a boyfriend who was unemployed. She loved him so much that she provided for almost all his needs. They were even planning to get married. One day, Irene received a call from a friend who told her that her boyfriend was getting married to another woman the next day.

However, her boyfriend called her on his wedding day, trying to deny that he was getting married.

I also had a girlfriend who was a big time liar. Why is it that some lovers turn out to be big time liars?

I soon discovered that my girlfriend’s father was an alcoholic, her brother had died of alcoholism and three of her brothers were alcoholic. Basically she was what psychiatrists refer to as an ‘adult child of an alcoholic’. Most big time liars are people who were born in alcoholic or dysfunctional families.

“Lying is basic to the family system affected by alcohol,” writes Dr. Janet Gerringer in her book Adult Children Of Alcoholic. “It masquerades in part as overt denial of unpleasant realities, cover-ups, broken promises and inconsistencies. It takes many forms... Lying as the norm in your house became part of what you knew and what could be useful to you. At times, it made life much more comfortable.”

In their books, doctors Charles. L Whitefield (Healing The Child Within), Steven Farmer (Adult Children of Abusive Parents) and M Scott Peck (The Road Less Travelled) all point out that children born in dysfunctional families are affected in adulthood by the abuse they experienced.

If they told lies to survive in the hostile environment at home, they will continue to tell lies as adults even in environments that are not hostile.

Such people require the services of a professional therapist. It often takes between three months to three years for a person to overcome the habit of telling lies.

Why your lover may be a big time liar

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