The Nuwagabas’ marriage has survived on love and respect
DR. Augustus Nuwagaba is a lecturer, the chairman of the Makerere University Academic Staff Association and a consultant on poverty eradication. He recently celebrated 10 years in marriage with his wife Lilian. The couple has three children. <b>Pidson Kareire</b> talked to them about what makes thei
DR. Augustus Nuwagaba is a lecturer, the chairman of the Makerere University Academic Staff Association and a consultant on poverty eradication. He recently celebrated 10 years in marriage with his wife Lilian. The couple has three children. Pidson Kareire talked to them about what makes their marriage tick.
AUGUSTUS Nuwagaba
How much did you pay for your wife?
Bride wealth has changed from paying to giving gifts. Formerly, it was payment of money and other highly valued materials. But for my case, I gave gifts, which included flowers, clothes and traditional craft items.
Does it mean you support the removal of bride price?
Very much. My research at undergraduate level was about the impacts of bride price on marriage. I found out that paying bride price has serious implications on marriage stability. If you pay for a person, you will attach a value to her.
How did you meet Lilian?
I met her at the university. I was already a lecturer and she was a student.
Was she your student?
No. She was in the faculty of science and I was in social sciences. But I had known her family for sometime.
Did you find it difficult to propose to her?
No. We had dated for about four years and when I proposed, I knew what answer I would get.
What was your ideal partner?
I wanted a Christian, educated and informed person.
Did you get all these qualities in Lilian?
(Laughs) Of course, I did.
As a lecturer, you deal with very many young and beautiful girls who may tempt you. How do you deal with it?
By moving in the light. This means that you stand out of the crowd by prophesying what you believe in and that is exactly what I do.
Have you ever been sexually harassed by a student?
No. It cannot happen because I always tell my class about myself and what I expect during my first lecture and that has saved me a lot.
As a poverty consultant how would you advise a young man who is looking for a wife?
It is disastrous to consider money or wealth as the most important aspect in a relationship. What people should consider is love.
What are the pillars of your marriage?
Love, respect, spending time together and building each other’s esteem.
What are some of the things you hate about women?
Gossiping. This happens mainly when they are redundant. I also hate it when a woman totally depends on her husband.
Do you think too much money brings problems in marriages?
It does not. What brings problems is when people attach too much importance to money.
How about poverty?
Poverty can be both disastrous and helpful to a marriage. It is disastrous because extreme deprivation can lead to misery. However, it is also known that relatively poor homes tend to be more stable than very wealthy ones.
What is your opinion on the Domestic Relations Bill?
The bill could have been a good law particularly in the aspects of improving women’s access to economic resources, but there are some aspects of it, which I don’t agree with. For example, the provision that a girl can get married without her parents’ consent. This is inconsistent with our cultural values, where marriage and producing children is a social responsibility of the community.
What would make you divorce?
As Christians, we see no justification for divorce because we believe in repentance. However, if people fail to live together and all means of harmonising them fail, then there is no reason why they should remain together. Therefore, circumstances would force me to divorce.
How often do you give Lilian gifts?
I do it regularly; particularly on special days like her birthday and Valentine’s Day.
Do you ever help her with housework?
Yes I do. I lived in London where I used to cook for myself. So, I don’t find it difficult to be in the kitchen.
Lilian Nuwagaba
What did you consider before choosing a husband?
I wished for an educated, hardworking man from my tribe.
Did you get any advice before you accepted his proposal?
Yes, I got advice from many people who knew him. Fortunately, whoever I contacted gave me a go-ahead. That is when I realised he was the right man.
Were your parents happy about his proposal?
It would have raised concern if we had different backgrounds. But we are from the same tribe and religious background.
Do you have any problem with your in-laws?
They are also my parents and regard me as their daughter. Since they are age mates of my parents, they behave exactly like my parents. If they were younger we would get conflicts, but there is nothing like that so far.
How do you make up after a misunderstanding?
Normally, if one of us is angry the other one must keep their cool. We have developed skills to work it out from our Christian fellowship.
Do you have joint accounts?
Yes we do and it has instilled financial discipline in us. Whoever withdraws money has to account for it, so there are no unnecessary withdrawals.
What is the greatest mistake you have ever made at home?
I don’t know whether it is a mistake, but I went to study when I had young children who needed a lot of care and love. Being at school took me away from them for long hours.
Is there any problem that has ever threatened your marriage?
In 2001, my husband had a serious disease that affected his gall bladder. I was so scared. He underwent an operation in Canada and everything turned out fine.
AUGUSTUS Nuwagaba
How much did you pay for your wife?
Bride wealth has changed from paying to giving gifts. Formerly, it was payment of money and other highly valued materials. But for my case, I gave gifts, which included flowers, clothes and traditional craft items.
Does it mean you support the removal of bride price?
Very much. My research at undergraduate level was about the impacts of bride price on marriage. I found out that paying bride price has serious implications on marriage stability. If you pay for a person, you will attach a value to her.
How did you meet Lilian?
I met her at the university. I was already a lecturer and she was a student.
Was she your student?
No. She was in the faculty of science and I was in social sciences. But I had known her family for sometime.
Did you find it difficult to propose to her?
No. We had dated for about four years and when I proposed, I knew what answer I would get.
What was your ideal partner?
I wanted a Christian, educated and informed person.
Did you get all these qualities in Lilian?
(Laughs) Of course, I did.
As a lecturer, you deal with very many young and beautiful girls who may tempt you. How do you deal with it?
By moving in the light. This means that you stand out of the crowd by prophesying what you believe in and that is exactly what I do.
Have you ever been sexually harassed by a student?
No. It cannot happen because I always tell my class about myself and what I expect during my first lecture and that has saved me a lot.
As a poverty consultant how would you advise a young man who is looking for a wife?
It is disastrous to consider money or wealth as the most important aspect in a relationship. What people should consider is love.
What are the pillars of your marriage?
Love, respect, spending time together and building each other’s esteem.
What are some of the things you hate about women?
Gossiping. This happens mainly when they are redundant. I also hate it when a woman totally depends on her husband.
Do you think too much money brings problems in marriages?
It does not. What brings problems is when people attach too much importance to money.
How about poverty?
Poverty can be both disastrous and helpful to a marriage. It is disastrous because extreme deprivation can lead to misery. However, it is also known that relatively poor homes tend to be more stable than very wealthy ones.
What is your opinion on the Domestic Relations Bill?
The bill could have been a good law particularly in the aspects of improving women’s access to economic resources, but there are some aspects of it, which I don’t agree with. For example, the provision that a girl can get married without her parents’ consent. This is inconsistent with our cultural values, where marriage and producing children is a social responsibility of the community.
What would make you divorce?
As Christians, we see no justification for divorce because we believe in repentance. However, if people fail to live together and all means of harmonising them fail, then there is no reason why they should remain together. Therefore, circumstances would force me to divorce.
How often do you give Lilian gifts?
I do it regularly; particularly on special days like her birthday and Valentine’s Day.
Do you ever help her with housework?
Yes I do. I lived in London where I used to cook for myself. So, I don’t find it difficult to be in the kitchen.
Lilian Nuwagaba
What did you consider before choosing a husband?
I wished for an educated, hardworking man from my tribe.
Did you get any advice before you accepted his proposal?
Yes, I got advice from many people who knew him. Fortunately, whoever I contacted gave me a go-ahead. That is when I realised he was the right man.
Were your parents happy about his proposal?
It would have raised concern if we had different backgrounds. But we are from the same tribe and religious background.
Do you have any problem with your in-laws?
They are also my parents and regard me as their daughter. Since they are age mates of my parents, they behave exactly like my parents. If they were younger we would get conflicts, but there is nothing like that so far.
How do you make up after a misunderstanding?
Normally, if one of us is angry the other one must keep their cool. We have developed skills to work it out from our Christian fellowship.
Do you have joint accounts?
Yes we do and it has instilled financial discipline in us. Whoever withdraws money has to account for it, so there are no unnecessary withdrawals.
What is the greatest mistake you have ever made at home?
I don’t know whether it is a mistake, but I went to study when I had young children who needed a lot of care and love. Being at school took me away from them for long hours.
Is there any problem that has ever threatened your marriage?
In 2001, my husband had a serious disease that affected his gall bladder. I was so scared. He underwent an operation in Canada and everything turned out fine.