How can I trust him again?
I am an American who got a Ugandan friend when I came there for studies. Two years later, we became closer.
Q-Dear Aunt,
I am an American who got a Ugandan friend when I came there for studies. Two years later, we became closer.
It was very sad when I found out that he was hanging out with another woman and had actually visited her and one time, kissed her. Yet this woman has a boyfriend. The funny thing is that he does not think this is a big deal. I think he lost me when he chose to get satisfaction with another woman, instead of waiting for when we could be together. I feel I should just walk out, after all a long-distance relationship is difficult. But part of me knows we make mistakes and wants to hope that he was caught in a moment of weakness. But he has lost my trust and I do not know what to do. How could we build that trust again? Should I even try? What do you think?
Your American sister
Dear American sister,
It can be deduced from the case you have presented that you are still bitter with your boyfriend. Although you still love him, you have failed to come to terms with the fact that a man you had trusted and loved so much could cheat on you.
You had trusted each other for two years and you thought you knew him.
However, developing an intimate relationship with the opposite sex involves a certain degree of risk and two years is too short a period to understand another person.
Preparing yourself for any eventuality would lessen your heartbreak in case things go wrong.
It seems clear to me that you have not discussed this issue with him to find outhis side of the story.
Was he just trapped by circumstances or did he have feelings for the woman? Try to look at the issue differently. If you attempt to blame him or accuse him of cheating, he might respond with counter-accusations.
Remember, differences and conflicts arise in almost every relationship. The most important thing is not the presence or absence of differences, but how well you deal with them.
Honesty and transparency would help you assess issues in a better perspective.
Have you asked yourself what might have made him seek comfort in another woman’s arms? Was there a vacuum in your relationship that tempted him to have another affair?
You have not clarified whether you are still in Uganda or you went back to the US. Long distance relationships can be tempting if there is no strong foundation.
In case you make up your mind to rekindle the relationship, you need to work at your communication. Talk over issues and express your feelings without blaming each other.
Send your questions to
intimate@newvsion.co.ug
Or Intimate desk
P.O. BOX 9815 Kampala
I am an American who got a Ugandan friend when I came there for studies. Two years later, we became closer.
It was very sad when I found out that he was hanging out with another woman and had actually visited her and one time, kissed her. Yet this woman has a boyfriend. The funny thing is that he does not think this is a big deal. I think he lost me when he chose to get satisfaction with another woman, instead of waiting for when we could be together. I feel I should just walk out, after all a long-distance relationship is difficult. But part of me knows we make mistakes and wants to hope that he was caught in a moment of weakness. But he has lost my trust and I do not know what to do. How could we build that trust again? Should I even try? What do you think?
Your American sister
Dear American sister,
It can be deduced from the case you have presented that you are still bitter with your boyfriend. Although you still love him, you have failed to come to terms with the fact that a man you had trusted and loved so much could cheat on you.
You had trusted each other for two years and you thought you knew him.
However, developing an intimate relationship with the opposite sex involves a certain degree of risk and two years is too short a period to understand another person.
Preparing yourself for any eventuality would lessen your heartbreak in case things go wrong.
It seems clear to me that you have not discussed this issue with him to find outhis side of the story.
Was he just trapped by circumstances or did he have feelings for the woman? Try to look at the issue differently. If you attempt to blame him or accuse him of cheating, he might respond with counter-accusations.
Remember, differences and conflicts arise in almost every relationship. The most important thing is not the presence or absence of differences, but how well you deal with them.
Honesty and transparency would help you assess issues in a better perspective.
Have you asked yourself what might have made him seek comfort in another woman’s arms? Was there a vacuum in your relationship that tempted him to have another affair?
You have not clarified whether you are still in Uganda or you went back to the US. Long distance relationships can be tempting if there is no strong foundation.
In case you make up your mind to rekindle the relationship, you need to work at your communication. Talk over issues and express your feelings without blaming each other.
Send your questions to
intimate@newvsion.co.ug
Or Intimate desk
P.O. BOX 9815 Kampala