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Never postpone a heartbreak

By Vision Reporter

Added 6th April 2007 03:00 AM

MY boyfriend is drifting off and it is written all over the place but I am too scared to confront him; it will kill me if he says he got a new girlfriend!” Sue wrote this and more to me for assistance recently.

Never postpone a heartbreak

MY boyfriend is drifting off and it is written all over the place but I am too scared to confront him; it will kill me if he says he got a new girlfriend!” Sue wrote this and more to me for assistance recently.

By Hillary Bainemisha ( Dr. Love)

MY boyfriend is drifting off and it is written all over the place but I am too scared to confront him; it will kill me if he says he got a new girlfriend!” Sue wrote this and more to me for assistance recently.

She said the guy no longer calls; it is Sue who calls now. If she doesn’t, they don’t interact and she even doubts if he would realise it. He was getting ‘too busy’ overshooting his daily quota of lying and not caring an iota for whatever lie was smoked out. It was clear he was pulling out but still she feared to confront him about it.

Find another guy, Sue, you will say. But if you have ever loved deeply, you will know that it is not as easy for the heart to switch someone off. Genuine love on an individual is like Mabira Forest; it is the whole ecosystem. Even if you plant trees elsewhere, you cannot shift the soil types, forest organisms, water systems and various species to the new site. Finding another lover may be no problem but achieving the level of interaction that make partners real good lovers is a process.

Moving the Mabira, is therefore something many will be prompted to resist. Our defence mechanism often convinces us to postpone the bad news. Even Jesus was heard praying to his dad that the cup should pass by. But, often, this prolongs the anxiety, erodes one’s self confidence and when Mabira eventually goes, the pain is a compounded factor, doesn’t rub off easily and this makes it difficult for us to recover. So, if your love is to go, better it goes now rather than later.

The more you work harder to keep a love afloat, the more you get entangled within its cobwebs. Love that goes now is more tolerated than that which bursts 10 years later when you have invested together, made same friends, got a social identity, eroded your capacities to get alternatives etc.

Easter is a good reason for me to deliver this message: Never postpone a heartbreak. Face the bullet today so that you don’t drain your emotional calories. Death is not something interesting to talk about — unless of course it is about your foe. But sometimes, even the most cherished of our passions dies. The lover of your life gives away your Mabira forest and you cannot stop it however much you spit fire. You feel betrayed, suffer sorrow and sometimes die emotionally.

When you are lying cold somewhere in your stone tomb, remember that Jesus was in the same condition before he rose again. With heartbreaks, there is a seeming doom and despair but always, a dawn for a resurrection. The bedbugs know it better; whatever is hot will eventually become cold.

You will meet another lonely heart and the emotions will sprout and you will not believe that it was you who grieved yourself to the bone when your love was crucified. Sometimes you will get a better deal you would have missed if the death and resurrection hadn’t occurred.

So, get inspiration from the Easter themes. The hope of resurrection is a God-given motivation to look out for the love that fulfils us better. Go for it.

And happy Easter.

Never postpone a heartbreak

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