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Apr 22, 2007

Like any virtue, honesty begins at home. Although many parents expect schools to instill these virtues in the child, no school can do this as well as you would at home.

Dear Jamesa,
I have a great challenge with my 14-year-old son in Senior One. When I looked at his report form, I realised that he had tampered with some figures to reflect high marks where marks were low. He also tried to twist the figures to reflect a ‘better’ position. I am quite appaled by this behaviour because it reflects the highest level of dishonesty I would not love to see in my child. I had to get a copy of his report form from the headteacher’s file to get his actual performance. I am deeply disturbed. Linda

Dear Linda,
Like any virtue, honesty begins at home. Although many parents expect schools to instill these virtues in the child, no school can do this as well as you would at home.

Even at his age, your son is still a child who needs your guidance. Have you ever talked to him about the value of honesty?

He is at a stage where the need for parental approval is higher than ever before. Could he be using marks to secure your approval? Maybe he fears failure or hates being seen as ‘a failure.’

He could also be doing this not because he is ‘bad’ but because he lacks the conscience to tell wrong from right. Conscience is like a silent voice that reprimands a child from within whenever he is going astray.

Dr. Michele Borba, in her book Building Moral Intelligence, mentions that conscience is learnt, it does not fall on a child at birth.

You have to teach as you help the child learn the limits of appropriate behaviour. Do you ever push him to the wall with unrealistic expectations?

The desire to impress you with glamourous marks might be a motivating factor behind your son’s behaviour. Could it be that you focus so much on marks that you do not look at other indicators of progress?

Position in class and marks are good, but they are not the best yardstick to gauge your child’s academic progress. There is more to your child than what the report form reflects.

Have you ever complimented him for ‘high’ marks or reprimanded him for a ‘bad’ position? Here are some of the tips you could use to deal with the problem:

l Look for something positive outside the report form to compliment your son on. There are several ways in which your son could impress you.

l There is more to a report form than grades and position. Look out for conduct, attendance and extra-curricular activities. Compliment your son on things not necessarily reflected on the report form.

l Always accentuate the positive: Starting on a positive note shows your son that you are not on a fault finding mission.

Begin with statements like ‘I am happy with your performance in English this term. I trust you can do something to improve your performance at Mathematics.

l Dishonesty might have disastrous effects on your son’s future if not dealt with now. Success in life takes more than academic excellence. It requires moral integrity.

Explain to your son that he does not need to cheat to get what he wants. Use statements like, ‘I appreciate your desire to impress me with excellent grades, but changing grades on your report form is unacceptable.’

Remember the world is not looking for clean grades, but for practical people who can serve humanity with moral integrity.

Try to evaluate your son’s progress beyond the grades if you want him to develop brains with character.

jwagwau@newvision.co.ug0772-631032

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