Widowed: What would you do with your spouse’s ring?

May 17, 2007

LYING on her bed and gazing at the bedroom ceiling of her home in Luzira, Jane recalls the joyous moments she shared with Peter. It is now five months since he died.

By George Laghu

LYING on her bed and gazing at the bedroom ceiling of her home in Luzira, Jane recalls the joyous moments she shared with Peter. It is now five months since he died.

The morning of his death, three women led by her aunt Noerine, walked into their (Jane and Peters) house.

“The elders have sent us to tell you to accompany us for the ‘Ruingwi’ ritual,” said Noerine. Ruingwi is a cleansing ritual among the Madi, where a young widow on widower is ‘freed’ from the bondage of a marriage to the deceased spouse.

The widow or widower officially discards the marriage paraphernalia such as the kitchen knife, in case of a woman, or the arrow for a man. After the ritual, one can marry again.

“Yes my daughter, you have kept your part of the promise of ‘Till death do us part’. That ring is symbolic of your continued attachment to him and that is not good, considering your age.

Your marriage to Peter is over and you should remove that ring from your finger and get on with your life,” Noerine added.
Elders pressurised her to remove the wedding ring from Peter’s finger, because according to the Madi culture, one is not buried with anything metallic.

Although in normal circumstances, Peter’s wedding ring would have been passed on to his paternal aunt for safe-keeping, Jane’s parents being Christians, put it in a box inside the coffin, as Jane had wished. They said she could surrender Peter’s ring to her paternal aunt later.

Another Madi couple, Hosea and his wife Loyce were madly in love, that when she died, her departure left a void in his life. When his uncle asked him to remove the golden ring that he had given hers, Hosea went to church the next morning, removed the ring and put it at the alter and committed suicide.

Jane and Hosea are two of thousands of people caught up in a dilemma due to rituals.

Amongst most tribes in Uganda, the wedding ring of a dead person has to be removed and shown to the elders before burial, to ensure that the deceased is not buried with it.

Among the Lugbara, Madi and Kakwa of West Nile, removal of the ring or any metallic object from the dead stems from the belief that one came into the world from God wearing nothing and he should go back naked.

The Madi say humans have no relations with metals and people cannot be buried with metals.

According to the Luo and most Bantu tribes, metals are lifeless, do not rot and due to the fact that they are made from minerals, contaminates the purity of a person who wears them.

The ring-removal ritual is still practiced by some Christians such that they remove metallic rosaries or crosses from the dead. Muslims also remove all metallic objects before burying their dead.

Soldiers are not allowed to carry or wear their wedding rings because when in the battle field, they could be killed and easily be buried with the rings.

The use of rings at weddings was quoted by St. Isidore of Seville in 1019 A.D. He said a ring is worn on the fourth finger from the thumb because it was believed that the nuptial vein runs from this finger directly to the heart.

Modern artists, however, believe that the ring’s shape shows no beginning or end, thus demonstrating the message of being united forever in case of marriage.

Rings may have a gem embedded onto it or an engraving. Although they are mostly worn on the fingers, rings may also be worn on the ears, nose and toes, to serve symbolic purposes including authority, status, sorority or mark a social event.

According to the history of rings, Egyptians were among the first people to wear rings as a sign of authority and status. By 1600 A.D. people started wearing rings as a sign of friendship.

Although marriage can be consummated without a ring, the presentation of a ring at a wedding symbolises marriage.
Among the Mormons, who believe that marriage consummated on earth continues in heaven, the exchange of rings forms an important part of a marriage.

Among Catholics, where marriage is considered a sacrament instituted by Jesus, the ring which is referred to as Carmulus Prumbus, is part of the nuptial benediction.

The priest, who is only a witness at the wedding ceremony, must read the scriptures of Mathew 19: “What God has put together, no man shall separate.”

The power of the ring as a symbol of authority and marriage also features in the Pope’s ring, commonly known as the “Fisherman’s ring”
The ring symbolises the Popes authority as derived from Jesus Christ when he appointed Peter, whom Catholics regard as the first pope.

When a Pope dies, his ring is destroyed.
The reason why some people whose partners have died are encouraged to dispose of the ring, is that because the marriage ceases when one dies. That is why Christians are allowed to re-marry when one’s partner dies.

However, social, religious and cultural sentiments make the disposal of a dead spouse’s wedding ring a very difficult thing because it represents a total annihilation and destruction of the departed’s memory.

It is also no longer disputed that people who re-marry more often than not, ruin their new marriages by mementos of the first marriages such as the wedding ring or photographs of the deceased former spouse.

“After his death, I lived for one year with his wedding ring on my finger. My friends told me that many men were interested in me, but could not make advances because of the ring. I was advised to remove it,” says Jolly Namukasa of Kintintale.

“I painfully removed the ring and now men boldly came into my life. However, I kept his photograph and wedding ring.

Trouble befell my new marriage when my husband who abruptly entered the house found me kissing my late husband’s ring.”

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