Battered men can smile at last
Aug 10, 2007
JUSTUS wrote: “I am soon dropping my marriage of six years and two children. For the last three years, my wife has changed! Any small quarrel, she wants to fight. She is tall and strong. She tramples on me, smashes me on walls and kicks me all over. One time, she almost strangled me! I fear she wi
DR. LOVE-Hilary Bainemigisha
JUSTUS wrote: “I am soon dropping my marriage of six years and two children. For the last three years, my wife has changed! Any small quarrel, she wants to fight. She is tall and strong. She tramples on me, smashes me on walls and kicks me all over. One time, she almost strangled me! I fear she will kill meâ€...
This man is unique because battered husbands always lie behind smiles. They don facial bandages and deceive neighbours about the bodaboda accident. They are not labelled so you can’t tell. And discussing them is a taboo in this part of the world.
One friend, Stanl.., (I almost mentioned him!), rushed to Police (station name withheld) one night, blood, lacerations and multiple abrasions all over his face and clothes ‘as is’ to show what a lioness he was married to. But, to his surprise, the cops burst out laughing and called their friends to come and see how women were ready for CHOGM. Fearing the press, he fled the scene.
There is stigma attached to being mauled by a wife that many husbands prefer to enjoy their right to remain silent. Sadly, you cannot protect yourself from a wife who is stronger by say, sleeping under a mosquito net, using a condom, getting saved or joining the Movement. So, what do you do?
Well, prevention is better. Sniff under her armpits during courtship to detect the lionnes in her. If she is muscled and sturdy, she must also be cool-headed, respectful and considerate? A wedding veil rarely changes a meek lamb into a kiboko-wielding squad.
It usually starts with wife battering. One day, the wife calls it enough and retaliates only to discover that, actually, the husband is hot air. The day, she will beat him into opposition benches is the day she will stop looking back. She will henceforth use (and actually look for) every opportunity to fire her teargas canisters. And with her military advantage, she will replace the family constitution with her acceptable code of conduct; curfew hours, a breathalyser and all rallies at in the constitutional square will be outlawed.
What can the hubby do? Blaming fate and women emancipation wont help. There are options.
One: If you cannot beat them, ask Kategaya. Join them, become her friend and ignore all provocations and don’t behave like Teacher Nambooze.
Two: It may help if you lure her into Born Again churches. If the pastors don’t steal her, they may calm down her roaring floods.
If that fails, deploy respectable members of society; family members she respects, religious leaders and elders to preach the gospel of non violence and respect for human rights.
But you can also face fire with fire. You need a mercenary. One Ouma of the battered husbands club, brought one such kanyama home. With such back up, he came late and even banged the door with such unkindly words as ‘Open, you stupid woman!’ That was against the home’s penal code and the wife tore off the door in riot gear, grabbed his neck and flung him onto the floor. That was when the accompanying peace-keeping force pounced and the two left the woman in pieces. During the scuffle, Ouma kept shouting out victory commands to alert the neighbourhood that the rumour that he was battered was grossly exaggerated. But victory did not last. As soon as the peace keepers withdrew, Ouma had to flee to exile. To make such a temporal intervention permanent, you need to import a brother or cousin to stay with you with express orders to ‘keep peace’. You may have to pay his fees as an incentive.
If symptoms persist, seek Hussein Kyangyo’s advice on Buganda cessation from Uganda. Pack your bags when she is sleeping. You can’t live a life where you are a village news maker, whenever you out-reason someone, your wife’s name is mentioned, whenever you complain, they ask you where your generals are and whenever you pass by village kids, they sing about men who are women.
Remember, don’t poison her pancreas, strangle her in her sleep or do anything which will terminate her life. She mothers your children and that sort of retaliation is called excessive force.
If all fail to work, get special training in karate skills.
JUSTUS wrote: “I am soon dropping my marriage of six years and two children. For the last three years, my wife has changed! Any small quarrel, she wants to fight. She is tall and strong. She tramples on me, smashes me on walls and kicks me all over. One time, she almost strangled me! I fear she will kill meâ€...
This man is unique because battered husbands always lie behind smiles. They don facial bandages and deceive neighbours about the bodaboda accident. They are not labelled so you can’t tell. And discussing them is a taboo in this part of the world.
One friend, Stanl.., (I almost mentioned him!), rushed to Police (station name withheld) one night, blood, lacerations and multiple abrasions all over his face and clothes ‘as is’ to show what a lioness he was married to. But, to his surprise, the cops burst out laughing and called their friends to come and see how women were ready for CHOGM. Fearing the press, he fled the scene.
There is stigma attached to being mauled by a wife that many husbands prefer to enjoy their right to remain silent. Sadly, you cannot protect yourself from a wife who is stronger by say, sleeping under a mosquito net, using a condom, getting saved or joining the Movement. So, what do you do?
Well, prevention is better. Sniff under her armpits during courtship to detect the lionnes in her. If she is muscled and sturdy, she must also be cool-headed, respectful and considerate? A wedding veil rarely changes a meek lamb into a kiboko-wielding squad.
It usually starts with wife battering. One day, the wife calls it enough and retaliates only to discover that, actually, the husband is hot air. The day, she will beat him into opposition benches is the day she will stop looking back. She will henceforth use (and actually look for) every opportunity to fire her teargas canisters. And with her military advantage, she will replace the family constitution with her acceptable code of conduct; curfew hours, a breathalyser and all rallies at in the constitutional square will be outlawed.
What can the hubby do? Blaming fate and women emancipation wont help. There are options.
One: If you cannot beat them, ask Kategaya. Join them, become her friend and ignore all provocations and don’t behave like Teacher Nambooze.
Two: It may help if you lure her into Born Again churches. If the pastors don’t steal her, they may calm down her roaring floods.
If that fails, deploy respectable members of society; family members she respects, religious leaders and elders to preach the gospel of non violence and respect for human rights.
But you can also face fire with fire. You need a mercenary. One Ouma of the battered husbands club, brought one such kanyama home. With such back up, he came late and even banged the door with such unkindly words as ‘Open, you stupid woman!’ That was against the home’s penal code and the wife tore off the door in riot gear, grabbed his neck and flung him onto the floor. That was when the accompanying peace-keeping force pounced and the two left the woman in pieces. During the scuffle, Ouma kept shouting out victory commands to alert the neighbourhood that the rumour that he was battered was grossly exaggerated. But victory did not last. As soon as the peace keepers withdrew, Ouma had to flee to exile. To make such a temporal intervention permanent, you need to import a brother or cousin to stay with you with express orders to ‘keep peace’. You may have to pay his fees as an incentive.
If symptoms persist, seek Hussein Kyangyo’s advice on Buganda cessation from Uganda. Pack your bags when she is sleeping. You can’t live a life where you are a village news maker, whenever you out-reason someone, your wife’s name is mentioned, whenever you complain, they ask you where your generals are and whenever you pass by village kids, they sing about men who are women.
Remember, don’t poison her pancreas, strangle her in her sleep or do anything which will terminate her life. She mothers your children and that sort of retaliation is called excessive force.
If all fail to work, get special training in karate skills.