Christmas in a polygamous family: Walking a tight rope
Dec 23, 2007
POLYGAMY has always been practiced in Africa. In Uganda, statistics indicate the practice is dropping. According to the 2006 Uganda Demographic Health Survey, UDHS, 28% from 34% in 2001 married women reported to be in polygamous unions.
In a culture where polygamy is a reality, Pidson Kareire explores how polygamous families attempt to achieve family union at Christmas
POLYGAMY has always been practiced in Africa. In Uganda, statistics indicate the practice is dropping. According to the 2006 Uganda Demographic Health Survey, UDHS, 28% from 34% in 2001 married women reported to be in polygamous unions.
Sociologists argue that polygamy may not have dropped except that more people may not want to be identified as polygamous.
One of the Ugandan men who catches attention is Boney Katatumba, the Honorary Consul of Pakistan. He is not shy about his marital stand; he is a ‘liberal polygamist.’ Married to two wives, Katatumba says it is criminal to abandon your children because you want to appear to be with one wife.
How then do the Katatumbas celebrate their Christmas? On Christmas day, the family comes together; it is normally a family re-union day. It is an opportunity to meet, eat together and pray together. The family agrees by consensus where to celebrate their Christmas and when the day comes, they all gather to enjoy Christmas.
Katatumba says he knows many people in this country who hide their heads in the sand like an ostrich, hoping that nobody is seeing them, yet they are criminalising the matter. He believes his approach to marriage is exemplary. Transparency and truth all the time is the basis of life.
“Christmas is more enjoyable if you are transparent. Openness and submitting to reality is the key to success,†he says. He wonders what happens to hypocrites who fake imaginary meetings when actually they are going out to meet the other woman.
Although his family is a polygamous one, it is based on modern values. Children have independent homes, but like their mothers, when Christmas comes, they all join to celebrate it. Katatumba says that you will never detect any difference in his family. They believe in sharing.
Another polygamist who is open about his marital lifestyle is Francis Kabagambe, a Hoima based businessman, who stormed the front page news for marrying two sisters, Stella and Rosemary from the same family on the same day at the same ceremony.
Kabagambe has six wives and 56 children. He says God’s love is free. He must therefore share it with those who need it. At his homes, “everyone must know Godâ€. On Christmas, they all attend church services and praise God because he believes it is the only way one can be inspired to love each other.
He used to monitor his wives, but today they are used to the arrangement. On Christmas, he kills two bulls, divides one among his six homes and the other goes to disadvantaged communities like prisoners and orphans from Mustard Seed Orphanage in Hoima.
He also buys sacks of sugar, rice and posho, which are distributed to all the six homes. His Christmas nights are unpredictable, but he always sleeps in Hoima town, where his main home is. He visits all the six homes on Christmas day.
Kabagambe’s timetable for his six wives is not affected by Christmas.
It is a routine which is only interfered by the mood of the day. Otherwise, he follows his usual arrangement. He makes sure his different homes get equal opportunities and have a great Christmas. He says each wife plans how to make his children a party, his responsibility is to finance them, which he does happily.
For Frank Byamazima, who comes from Katukuru in Mbarara district, the experience is quite different. His father has two wives and they reside in the same house. Cooking is in turns. The wife whose turn to cook falls on Christmas day must do everything for the family.
Whoever is cooking takes a night-out with the husband. Otherwise, Christmas celebrations are communal at their home.
Brian Esaku’s experience is disturbing. He comes from a family of three wives whose residences are separate but are in the same vicinity.
What happens is that the most loved wife enjoys more than the rest. She actually gets more kilogrammes of meat, sugar and other Christmas packages.
This leaves the co-wives raging with envy.
They send their small children to spy for them what has been delivered.
The result is that they sometimes boycott church services or go and spoil the celebrations by incessant quarrels.
Esaku says one Christmas he won’t forget in his life was when his father’s wives ganged up against their co-wife.
They boycotted church services and while at home, they hired some village goons who lifted Christmas food and poured it in the bush. When his father came back from church with his loved wife, there was nothing to eat.
They could not attack the other women because there was no incriminating evidence. The Christmas was spoilt.
Another incident where Esaku experienced a bad Christmas was when his father failed to buy a Christmas gomesi for the third wife.
The third wife almost brought everything to a halt. She told them she was going to poison their food. As a result they had to keep some children at home to protect the food. The co-wives had to abandon prayers to guard the Christmas meals.
According to Esaku, the third wife’s mission was accomplished; for she had not wanted them to go to church to show off the new clothes.
Elias Mukwasi’s father also has several wives whose residences are in one village. What the old man does is to change goal posts when Christmas comes.
He camps at the homes of wives with older children especially those who are working and come home with goodies. In the end, the burden is carried by such children who must buy enough for the man’s families.
Mukwasi says that it wouldn’t be bad to share with his father’s family, but the problem is that some people stretch his generosity! After celebrations, they begin looking for more goodies to carry home. This spoils the Christmas joy. “They are annoying, you begin cursing instead of rejoicing,†he says.
Alice Tumubwine, comes from Kabale. Her father is a polygamist. She says Christmas in their polygamous home is not different from that in monogamous families. For all three wives, each wife has a separate residence where a Christmas party is enjoyed normally.
The beauty here, she says is that house keeping among the Bakiga, has always been a responsibility of a woman. So, on Christmas day each wife has to prepare a special meal and deliver to wherever the husband will be sleeping that night.
According to Tumubwine, women in polygamous marriages miss Holy Communion in church. She says her mother always rushes home after the main service to avoid embarrassment while others are having the Holy Communion.
But even in countries where civil or religious law allows polygamy, the churches are against that marriage; they believe marriage must be monogamous and does not accept into its membership those practicing plural marriage.
This makes women in polygamous families feel guilty all the time.
But not all women in polygamous relationships give in to sadness on Christmas day.
For singer Catherine Kusasira of Eagles Production Band, the joy she misses when the husband doesn’t show up on Christmas is compensated by her children.
She says if he does not show up on Christmas, she looks at her children it is like seeing him. She spends much of her time with them enjoying Christmas before going to perform for her fans.
Like Kusasira, Florence Omara, the chairperson of NAWOU, Apac branch, children are what she cares for.
She is a widow, but before her late husband died, she was sharing him with other women. As long as her children are around, that is enough to mak her happy.
POLYGAMY has always been practiced in Africa. In Uganda, statistics indicate the practice is dropping. According to the 2006 Uganda Demographic Health Survey, UDHS, 28% from 34% in 2001 married women reported to be in polygamous unions.
Sociologists argue that polygamy may not have dropped except that more people may not want to be identified as polygamous.
One of the Ugandan men who catches attention is Boney Katatumba, the Honorary Consul of Pakistan. He is not shy about his marital stand; he is a ‘liberal polygamist.’ Married to two wives, Katatumba says it is criminal to abandon your children because you want to appear to be with one wife.
How then do the Katatumbas celebrate their Christmas? On Christmas day, the family comes together; it is normally a family re-union day. It is an opportunity to meet, eat together and pray together. The family agrees by consensus where to celebrate their Christmas and when the day comes, they all gather to enjoy Christmas.
Katatumba says he knows many people in this country who hide their heads in the sand like an ostrich, hoping that nobody is seeing them, yet they are criminalising the matter. He believes his approach to marriage is exemplary. Transparency and truth all the time is the basis of life.
“Christmas is more enjoyable if you are transparent. Openness and submitting to reality is the key to success,†he says. He wonders what happens to hypocrites who fake imaginary meetings when actually they are going out to meet the other woman.
Although his family is a polygamous one, it is based on modern values. Children have independent homes, but like their mothers, when Christmas comes, they all join to celebrate it. Katatumba says that you will never detect any difference in his family. They believe in sharing.
Another polygamist who is open about his marital lifestyle is Francis Kabagambe, a Hoima based businessman, who stormed the front page news for marrying two sisters, Stella and Rosemary from the same family on the same day at the same ceremony.
Kabagambe has six wives and 56 children. He says God’s love is free. He must therefore share it with those who need it. At his homes, “everyone must know Godâ€. On Christmas, they all attend church services and praise God because he believes it is the only way one can be inspired to love each other.
He used to monitor his wives, but today they are used to the arrangement. On Christmas, he kills two bulls, divides one among his six homes and the other goes to disadvantaged communities like prisoners and orphans from Mustard Seed Orphanage in Hoima.
He also buys sacks of sugar, rice and posho, which are distributed to all the six homes. His Christmas nights are unpredictable, but he always sleeps in Hoima town, where his main home is. He visits all the six homes on Christmas day.
Kabagambe’s timetable for his six wives is not affected by Christmas.
It is a routine which is only interfered by the mood of the day. Otherwise, he follows his usual arrangement. He makes sure his different homes get equal opportunities and have a great Christmas. He says each wife plans how to make his children a party, his responsibility is to finance them, which he does happily.
For Frank Byamazima, who comes from Katukuru in Mbarara district, the experience is quite different. His father has two wives and they reside in the same house. Cooking is in turns. The wife whose turn to cook falls on Christmas day must do everything for the family.
Whoever is cooking takes a night-out with the husband. Otherwise, Christmas celebrations are communal at their home.
Brian Esaku’s experience is disturbing. He comes from a family of three wives whose residences are separate but are in the same vicinity.
What happens is that the most loved wife enjoys more than the rest. She actually gets more kilogrammes of meat, sugar and other Christmas packages.
This leaves the co-wives raging with envy.
They send their small children to spy for them what has been delivered.
The result is that they sometimes boycott church services or go and spoil the celebrations by incessant quarrels.
Esaku says one Christmas he won’t forget in his life was when his father’s wives ganged up against their co-wife.
They boycotted church services and while at home, they hired some village goons who lifted Christmas food and poured it in the bush. When his father came back from church with his loved wife, there was nothing to eat.
They could not attack the other women because there was no incriminating evidence. The Christmas was spoilt.
Another incident where Esaku experienced a bad Christmas was when his father failed to buy a Christmas gomesi for the third wife.
The third wife almost brought everything to a halt. She told them she was going to poison their food. As a result they had to keep some children at home to protect the food. The co-wives had to abandon prayers to guard the Christmas meals.
According to Esaku, the third wife’s mission was accomplished; for she had not wanted them to go to church to show off the new clothes.
Elias Mukwasi’s father also has several wives whose residences are in one village. What the old man does is to change goal posts when Christmas comes.
He camps at the homes of wives with older children especially those who are working and come home with goodies. In the end, the burden is carried by such children who must buy enough for the man’s families.
Mukwasi says that it wouldn’t be bad to share with his father’s family, but the problem is that some people stretch his generosity! After celebrations, they begin looking for more goodies to carry home. This spoils the Christmas joy. “They are annoying, you begin cursing instead of rejoicing,†he says.
Alice Tumubwine, comes from Kabale. Her father is a polygamist. She says Christmas in their polygamous home is not different from that in monogamous families. For all three wives, each wife has a separate residence where a Christmas party is enjoyed normally.
The beauty here, she says is that house keeping among the Bakiga, has always been a responsibility of a woman. So, on Christmas day each wife has to prepare a special meal and deliver to wherever the husband will be sleeping that night.
According to Tumubwine, women in polygamous marriages miss Holy Communion in church. She says her mother always rushes home after the main service to avoid embarrassment while others are having the Holy Communion.
But even in countries where civil or religious law allows polygamy, the churches are against that marriage; they believe marriage must be monogamous and does not accept into its membership those practicing plural marriage.
This makes women in polygamous families feel guilty all the time.
But not all women in polygamous relationships give in to sadness on Christmas day.
For singer Catherine Kusasira of Eagles Production Band, the joy she misses when the husband doesn’t show up on Christmas is compensated by her children.
She says if he does not show up on Christmas, she looks at her children it is like seeing him. She spends much of her time with them enjoying Christmas before going to perform for her fans.
Like Kusasira, Florence Omara, the chairperson of NAWOU, Apac branch, children are what she cares for.
She is a widow, but before her late husband died, she was sharing him with other women. As long as her children are around, that is enough to mak her happy.