Testicle size determines how faithful your man is
Jan 11, 2006
<b>Hilary Bainemigisha</b><br>Time out for political campaigns. Let’s talk about the ball game.<br>How I wish you could stop frowning and read this with adult discipline for, on its face value, it is an explosive topic.
Time out for political campaigns. Let’s talk about the ball game.
How I wish you could stop frowning and read this with adult discipline for, on its face value, it is an explosive topic. There is no way one can write about testicles without making some readers miss a heart-beat, but you can bring your Bible closer for inspiration as I take you to the source of female agony; the philandering man!
Generally, testicles are just another part of the male body. Only that, though seemingly hidden and insignificant, they rule this world!
According to Allan and Barbara Pease’s Why Men Don’t Listen, Women Can’t Read Maps, there is a relationship between testicle size and assertiveness, faithfulness, honesty, life expectancy and self-esteem.
To begin with, right across the animal world, testes have no standard size. Take humans for instance, while some people have Olympic sizes, others barely have anything to talk of. And it is this size, relative to the owner’s overall body mass, that determines testosterone levels.
And scientists are beginning to agree that testicle size determines the male’s level of faithfulness or monogamy.
Pease’s book mentions the African Bonobo chimpanzee, which has the largest testicles of all primates and has sex incessantly with every female. But the mighty gorilla, with his relatively small balls, would be lucky to have sex once a year, even though he has his own harem.
So, in terms of the testicle/body mass ratio, human males have balls that are an average size for primates. This means that men produce enough testosterone to encourage them to be promiscuous, but little enough to be kept monogamous with strict rules enforced by women, religion or the society in which they live. That the bigger the balls, the more difficult it is to manage faithfulness and the more important such safe guards like religion, court marshal and society become.
Look at history: The time tested and guaranteed solution to the problem of male infidelity was castration. Slash them off and a man’s squinted eyes would straighten up. Not only would a man become monogamous, he wouldn’t have to shave much, he wouldn’t go bald and he would live longer.
Pease referred to studies of men in mental institutions which showed that castrated men live to an average age of 69, while men left intact with testosterone coursing through their bodies only live to 56 years. The same principle applies to your goat, sheep or cow.
Actually, there is a mooted solution to the philandering urges of males that involved the altering of the balls.
According to Nature Magazine, Drs Larry Young and Thomas Insel of Emory University in Atlanta carried out studies on two groups of rodents known as voles in 1999.
They used two types of vole: monogamous prairie voles and their polygamous cousins, the montane vole, which share 99% of the same genes. They took the gene called the vasopressin receptor gene, which plays a role in male behaviours, including aggression, communication, sexual activity, and social memory, from a monogamous vole testes and inserted it into the polygamous vole. They discovered that the polygamous vole ‘got saved’, abandoned its harem, formed closer relationships with specific females and behaved in many other monogamous ways. Maybe with time and more female prayers, such therapy may be handy and vital for men who have failed to fear HIV.
But there is also good news if we just do nothing. Evidence shows that our male ancestors had much larger balls than modern men and, compared to other primates, men produce significantly smaller amounts of sperm per gram of tissue than their gorilla or chimp cousins.
Testicle size and sperm production have been steadily decreasing for generations. That means we can expect future generations of men to be much less potent than modern men.
Pease’s book records proof that the average sperm count of men is now approximately half that of men in the 1940s. As we produce males who are less masculine than their grandfathers, infidelity will lose its backbone and the kingdom of monogamy will come.
I just hope we shall have men who are men enough to invade the Congo if our enemies are cited there. For aggressiveness, level of risk, determination and the urge to rule over others are all products of ball size.
That is why it makes sense for political aspirants like Museveni, Besigye, Sebaana and Bwanika to be more-than-averagely endowed, although I haven’t actually got close enough to check.
It also follows that their sex drive is correspondingly much higher than the average man’s and that is why they need an outlet which turns out to be politics. The problem with politics is that we put these big-balled, high-testosterone individuals into positions of power and then expect them to behave like priests.
High sex drives get them into power to roar and can then not allow them to coo like doves. Unless, of course, we give them the vasopressin receptor gene.
Ends
How I wish you could stop frowning and read this with adult discipline for, on its face value, it is an explosive topic. There is no way one can write about testicles without making some readers miss a heart-beat, but you can bring your Bible closer for inspiration as I take you to the source of female agony; the philandering man!
Generally, testicles are just another part of the male body. Only that, though seemingly hidden and insignificant, they rule this world!
According to Allan and Barbara Pease’s Why Men Don’t Listen, Women Can’t Read Maps, there is a relationship between testicle size and assertiveness, faithfulness, honesty, life expectancy and self-esteem.
To begin with, right across the animal world, testes have no standard size. Take humans for instance, while some people have Olympic sizes, others barely have anything to talk of. And it is this size, relative to the owner’s overall body mass, that determines testosterone levels.
And scientists are beginning to agree that testicle size determines the male’s level of faithfulness or monogamy.
Pease’s book mentions the African Bonobo chimpanzee, which has the largest testicles of all primates and has sex incessantly with every female. But the mighty gorilla, with his relatively small balls, would be lucky to have sex once a year, even though he has his own harem.
So, in terms of the testicle/body mass ratio, human males have balls that are an average size for primates. This means that men produce enough testosterone to encourage them to be promiscuous, but little enough to be kept monogamous with strict rules enforced by women, religion or the society in which they live. That the bigger the balls, the more difficult it is to manage faithfulness and the more important such safe guards like religion, court marshal and society become.
Look at history: The time tested and guaranteed solution to the problem of male infidelity was castration. Slash them off and a man’s squinted eyes would straighten up. Not only would a man become monogamous, he wouldn’t have to shave much, he wouldn’t go bald and he would live longer.
Pease referred to studies of men in mental institutions which showed that castrated men live to an average age of 69, while men left intact with testosterone coursing through their bodies only live to 56 years. The same principle applies to your goat, sheep or cow.
Actually, there is a mooted solution to the philandering urges of males that involved the altering of the balls.
According to Nature Magazine, Drs Larry Young and Thomas Insel of Emory University in Atlanta carried out studies on two groups of rodents known as voles in 1999.
They used two types of vole: monogamous prairie voles and their polygamous cousins, the montane vole, which share 99% of the same genes. They took the gene called the vasopressin receptor gene, which plays a role in male behaviours, including aggression, communication, sexual activity, and social memory, from a monogamous vole testes and inserted it into the polygamous vole. They discovered that the polygamous vole ‘got saved’, abandoned its harem, formed closer relationships with specific females and behaved in many other monogamous ways. Maybe with time and more female prayers, such therapy may be handy and vital for men who have failed to fear HIV.
But there is also good news if we just do nothing. Evidence shows that our male ancestors had much larger balls than modern men and, compared to other primates, men produce significantly smaller amounts of sperm per gram of tissue than their gorilla or chimp cousins.
Testicle size and sperm production have been steadily decreasing for generations. That means we can expect future generations of men to be much less potent than modern men.
Pease’s book records proof that the average sperm count of men is now approximately half that of men in the 1940s. As we produce males who are less masculine than their grandfathers, infidelity will lose its backbone and the kingdom of monogamy will come.
I just hope we shall have men who are men enough to invade the Congo if our enemies are cited there. For aggressiveness, level of risk, determination and the urge to rule over others are all products of ball size.
That is why it makes sense for political aspirants like Museveni, Besigye, Sebaana and Bwanika to be more-than-averagely endowed, although I haven’t actually got close enough to check.
It also follows that their sex drive is correspondingly much higher than the average man’s and that is why they need an outlet which turns out to be politics. The problem with politics is that we put these big-balled, high-testosterone individuals into positions of power and then expect them to behave like priests.
High sex drives get them into power to roar and can then not allow them to coo like doves. Unless, of course, we give them the vasopressin receptor gene.
Ends