An idiot’s guide to Saggy’s Wacky World
Mar 03, 2006
CALL me whatever you may, but there are people I just cannot stand – people who do not get it, people who are so slow that they make ‘snail-pace’ sound fast!. Just the other week, I got mail from a reader who didn’t look like she was anywhere near understanding the concept of <i>The New Visi
CALL me whatever you may, but there are people I just cannot stand – people who do not get it, people who are so slow that they make ‘snail-pace’ sound fast!. Just the other week, I got mail from a reader who didn’t look like she was anywhere near understanding the concept of The New Vision,/i> column Saggy’s Wacky World. (not that I expected her to understand).
Anyway, for clarity purposes, may I inform you that Saggy’s Wacky World. has totally nothing to do with the personal life of Harry Sagara, the author, and for all of you who do not read between the lines, I would like to introduce to you the Saggy dictionary – call it an Idiot’s guide to phrases commonly used in Saggy’s Wacky World.
Ballistic
A term to mean impressive, good. This has got nothing to do with rocket science or the military.
‘That bird is just too ballistic’ ‘kagu is the most ballistic president I have ever seen’
Bird
Not that flying thing in the air. A bird is a homo sapien of the gender feminia. If you squat while urinating, you are sprightly and perky, you got hips, you eat chips and you turn heads, then you are a bird (please attack me on this one, only and only if you are guilty!) see ballistic above.
Palm Sunday
(At the risk of being blasphemous). A day celebrated by Wankers!
‘I will celebrate this Palm Sunday with Palmela Handerson.’
Haha
I swear to God, I have no idea what this word means.
‘I have really haha-d my-se-le-f’
Service fee
The monthly price women pay for being women.
‘She was so moody, I think she was paying service fee!â€
Ofwono
A supermarket bazaar where you buy a bottle of mineral water and get free underwear.
‘Thousands thronged Garden City for the Ofwono.’
Inzikuru
When your tummy develops legs and starts breaking Olympic records.
‘I spent the whole day in the loo, I had Inzikuru’
Fax
Answering the call of nature while in a squatting position. It involves pushing, pushing and pushing and then pheeew… a sigh of relief.
‘At the time you called, I was sending a fax.’
SMS
A milder version of faxing which only involves smell!
‘That chap has sent an SMS’
Chow (pronounced CHAAOO)
Now, this one is a catch 22. Whichever way you look at it, it comes back to the same thing.
‘A chow is a chow’
Chowkuwa
The act of being raped once and you ask for more and then report after eight years!
‘I will chowkuwa you’
Stupidity
Thinking that a lone buffalo won’t charge at you because you are vegetarian!
‘You are full of stupidity’
Mistress
Something between a mister and a mattress
‘This is not my friend, she is my mistress’
Workaholic
A person who drinks alcohol and works.
‘Museveni said Kibirige Sebunya is a workaholic’
Bumba-stic
Another word for power load-shedding.
‘I cannot go home now, it’s just too Bumba-stic’
Dwanzie
A person who stops whatever they are doing just to read the crap written on this page.
‘You are a dwanzie’
I hope this is enough to guide you next time you are reading this column. Have a great weekend.
Harry Sagara is the chief
executive, Bullseye! Creative
www.bullseyecreative.co.ug
Anyway, for clarity purposes, may I inform you that Saggy’s Wacky World. has totally nothing to do with the personal life of Harry Sagara, the author, and for all of you who do not read between the lines, I would like to introduce to you the Saggy dictionary – call it an Idiot’s guide to phrases commonly used in Saggy’s Wacky World.
Ballistic
A term to mean impressive, good. This has got nothing to do with rocket science or the military.
‘That bird is just too ballistic’ ‘kagu is the most ballistic president I have ever seen’
Bird
Not that flying thing in the air. A bird is a homo sapien of the gender feminia. If you squat while urinating, you are sprightly and perky, you got hips, you eat chips and you turn heads, then you are a bird (please attack me on this one, only and only if you are guilty!) see ballistic above.
Palm Sunday
(At the risk of being blasphemous). A day celebrated by Wankers!
‘I will celebrate this Palm Sunday with Palmela Handerson.’
Haha
I swear to God, I have no idea what this word means.
‘I have really haha-d my-se-le-f’
Service fee
The monthly price women pay for being women.
‘She was so moody, I think she was paying service fee!â€
Ofwono
A supermarket bazaar where you buy a bottle of mineral water and get free underwear.
‘Thousands thronged Garden City for the Ofwono.’
Inzikuru
When your tummy develops legs and starts breaking Olympic records.
‘I spent the whole day in the loo, I had Inzikuru’
Fax
Answering the call of nature while in a squatting position. It involves pushing, pushing and pushing and then pheeew… a sigh of relief.
‘At the time you called, I was sending a fax.’
SMS
A milder version of faxing which only involves smell!
‘That chap has sent an SMS’
Chow (pronounced CHAAOO)
Now, this one is a catch 22. Whichever way you look at it, it comes back to the same thing.
‘A chow is a chow’
Chowkuwa
The act of being raped once and you ask for more and then report after eight years!
‘I will chowkuwa you’
Stupidity
Thinking that a lone buffalo won’t charge at you because you are vegetarian!
‘You are full of stupidity’
Mistress
Something between a mister and a mattress
‘This is not my friend, she is my mistress’
Workaholic
A person who drinks alcohol and works.
‘Museveni said Kibirige Sebunya is a workaholic’
Bumba-stic
Another word for power load-shedding.
‘I cannot go home now, it’s just too Bumba-stic’
Dwanzie
A person who stops whatever they are doing just to read the crap written on this page.
‘You are a dwanzie’
I hope this is enough to guide you next time you are reading this column. Have a great weekend.
Harry Sagara is the chief
executive, Bullseye! Creative
www.bullseyecreative.co.ug