Inzikuru: No respect!
Mar 24, 2006
UGANDA’S No1 COLUMNIST.. INFORMED, CONTROVERSIAL AND PROVOCATIVE<br><br><b>John Nagenda</b><br>All night long your humble columnist tossed and turned, searching for a proper answer. What would his literary heroes do? William Shakespeare (shake your spear!) in his King Lear, John Milton in Parad
UGANDA’S No1 COLUMNIST.. INFORMED, CONTROVERSIAL AND PROVOCATIVE
John Nagenda
All night long your humble columnist tossed and turned, searching for a proper answer. What would his literary heroes do? William Shakespeare (shake your spear!) in his King Lear, John Milton in Paradise Lost, or Chinua Achebe in Things Fall Apart? Not that I was approximating myself to these giants. But what if wishes were horses and pigs could fly? The night was Wednesday and my agony was born of the question of how to lead off with the week’s offering. Should it be the “dying of the heart†of the Besigye Petition that very day, or the “surge of the heart†of little Inzikuru’s Commonwealth Games win in faraway Australia?
Or even the paucity, “the meanness of heart†of those sugar barons determined to cheat animals of their heritage? This latter was, as you might imagine, the first to be relegated. So, Reader, the triumph of Inzikuru or the tumbling of Besigye?
***
No contest! In the snoring zones I had turned and turned. By the grey morning the answer was clearer than a bell: Dorcus Inzikuru! The Golden Gazelle, as Vision so well put it. On this, as so often, they kicked Monitor into a far corner! Another hero, the immortal Akii Bua, after whom a street is named in the leafy Nakasero part of Kampala, brought us the same surge forty years ago. But, feminist as I sometimes strive to be, a girl is even better, as this diminutive sweetheart has proved.
Kampala must immediately name a major thoroughfare after her, what about a replacement for the boringly named Bombo Road? Political failure but nice John Sebaana Kizito can approach greatness before handing over as Kampala mayor by doing this. Citizens will ask, Who was that mayor who so imaginatively re-named Kampala’s Bombo Road in mighty Inzikuru’s favour.
Her 3,000 metre Steeplechase race in Australia’s Melbourne city was simply a classic. The strapping (to put it mildly) girl who ultimately followed her home must have known that she had to take her on and pressurise her into revealing her weaker side. If any! She did her job, as we used to say, manfully. But Inzikuru means “no respect†in her native tongue.
So insistent was her Australian rival that at one stage I thought my ticker would stop ticking. But little Miss No Respect had completely different ideas, as a look at her face told you. With about 300 metres to go she pressed on her accelerator and away she flew. The race, as a race, collapsed. At the finish this gazelle was four and a half seconds, over 30 metres, to the good. There was hardly a bead of sweat on her brow.
Shakespeare, were he alive at this hour, might have said, “Let them feel accursed who were not at this Agincourt!†Aye. I shall warm myself at the memory in my declining years.
To turn now, reluctantly, to those whose main thought is to shovel more dollars into their bank accounts by building golf courses in our national parks where the animals should roam free. They seem close to their dream, having told big lies about the Uganda Wildlife Authority. Far from over-taxing them, UWA has done the opposite. Only recently, after long negotiations, have fresh terms been agreed by all the other concessionaires; except MARASA (part of the Madhvani empire).
They will pay up to $15 per bednight; MARASA pays a miserly $1.40. Overtaxing? The negotiated deal adds a levy of $5 per bed per day. Not much, but it will help to keep UWA running; especially when the World Bank concessionary loans stop next year. As for golf courses, UWA, under my chairmanship, offered alternative not-in-your face positions but these were rejected out of hand by MARASA. One was near Katwe, away from the main animal places. Another was at the back of the Lodge, where our workers were going to be evacuated. No, said MARASA, and I scratch my head in vain to recollect when they ever said Yes. Some partners! We will tackle other lies in forthcoming issues of this column. But suffice to say that an Act of Parliament brought UWA’s predecessor, Uganda National Parks, into being to interject on the animals’ behalf. It has never been an easy task, standing between animals and humans, but it is deeply rewarding. Besides, someone has to do it! My Board loved it. Our term ended in October. To date, the minister, ahem, is the Board. But MARASA will find that for every golfer, hundreds of conservationists will stay away. Uganda will become the laughing stock of the conservation world. My prayer is that one fine day elephants and hippopotamuses, jumping over the electrified barriers, will suffocate their tormentors into the greens!
***
But upbeat is the place to sign off, and how! According to Besigye lawyer John Matovu the heartbeat of the Besigye Petition was to secure Supreme Court agreement to refer the case to its junior, the Constitutional Court. But, as Chief Justice Odoki pointed out, “...we are the final Constitution Court in this land.†Of course the decision of the Constitution Court could be appealed to the Supreme Court! But if the 30 days which it has to resolve the Petition should pass, perhaps leaving the case in limbo, Besigye and his motley crew would boast of victory of a kind.
No such luck! All seven justices of the Supreme Court denied this application. The heartbeat was stopped; making it difficult to over-emphasize the state of the body. Truly might we even now sing: The End!
John Nagenda
All night long your humble columnist tossed and turned, searching for a proper answer. What would his literary heroes do? William Shakespeare (shake your spear!) in his King Lear, John Milton in Paradise Lost, or Chinua Achebe in Things Fall Apart? Not that I was approximating myself to these giants. But what if wishes were horses and pigs could fly? The night was Wednesday and my agony was born of the question of how to lead off with the week’s offering. Should it be the “dying of the heart†of the Besigye Petition that very day, or the “surge of the heart†of little Inzikuru’s Commonwealth Games win in faraway Australia?
Or even the paucity, “the meanness of heart†of those sugar barons determined to cheat animals of their heritage? This latter was, as you might imagine, the first to be relegated. So, Reader, the triumph of Inzikuru or the tumbling of Besigye?
***
No contest! In the snoring zones I had turned and turned. By the grey morning the answer was clearer than a bell: Dorcus Inzikuru! The Golden Gazelle, as Vision so well put it. On this, as so often, they kicked Monitor into a far corner! Another hero, the immortal Akii Bua, after whom a street is named in the leafy Nakasero part of Kampala, brought us the same surge forty years ago. But, feminist as I sometimes strive to be, a girl is even better, as this diminutive sweetheart has proved.
Kampala must immediately name a major thoroughfare after her, what about a replacement for the boringly named Bombo Road? Political failure but nice John Sebaana Kizito can approach greatness before handing over as Kampala mayor by doing this. Citizens will ask, Who was that mayor who so imaginatively re-named Kampala’s Bombo Road in mighty Inzikuru’s favour.
Her 3,000 metre Steeplechase race in Australia’s Melbourne city was simply a classic. The strapping (to put it mildly) girl who ultimately followed her home must have known that she had to take her on and pressurise her into revealing her weaker side. If any! She did her job, as we used to say, manfully. But Inzikuru means “no respect†in her native tongue.
So insistent was her Australian rival that at one stage I thought my ticker would stop ticking. But little Miss No Respect had completely different ideas, as a look at her face told you. With about 300 metres to go she pressed on her accelerator and away she flew. The race, as a race, collapsed. At the finish this gazelle was four and a half seconds, over 30 metres, to the good. There was hardly a bead of sweat on her brow.
Shakespeare, were he alive at this hour, might have said, “Let them feel accursed who were not at this Agincourt!†Aye. I shall warm myself at the memory in my declining years.
To turn now, reluctantly, to those whose main thought is to shovel more dollars into their bank accounts by building golf courses in our national parks where the animals should roam free. They seem close to their dream, having told big lies about the Uganda Wildlife Authority. Far from over-taxing them, UWA has done the opposite. Only recently, after long negotiations, have fresh terms been agreed by all the other concessionaires; except MARASA (part of the Madhvani empire).
They will pay up to $15 per bednight; MARASA pays a miserly $1.40. Overtaxing? The negotiated deal adds a levy of $5 per bed per day. Not much, but it will help to keep UWA running; especially when the World Bank concessionary loans stop next year. As for golf courses, UWA, under my chairmanship, offered alternative not-in-your face positions but these were rejected out of hand by MARASA. One was near Katwe, away from the main animal places. Another was at the back of the Lodge, where our workers were going to be evacuated. No, said MARASA, and I scratch my head in vain to recollect when they ever said Yes. Some partners! We will tackle other lies in forthcoming issues of this column. But suffice to say that an Act of Parliament brought UWA’s predecessor, Uganda National Parks, into being to interject on the animals’ behalf. It has never been an easy task, standing between animals and humans, but it is deeply rewarding. Besides, someone has to do it! My Board loved it. Our term ended in October. To date, the minister, ahem, is the Board. But MARASA will find that for every golfer, hundreds of conservationists will stay away. Uganda will become the laughing stock of the conservation world. My prayer is that one fine day elephants and hippopotamuses, jumping over the electrified barriers, will suffocate their tormentors into the greens!
***
But upbeat is the place to sign off, and how! According to Besigye lawyer John Matovu the heartbeat of the Besigye Petition was to secure Supreme Court agreement to refer the case to its junior, the Constitutional Court. But, as Chief Justice Odoki pointed out, “...we are the final Constitution Court in this land.†Of course the decision of the Constitution Court could be appealed to the Supreme Court! But if the 30 days which it has to resolve the Petition should pass, perhaps leaving the case in limbo, Besigye and his motley crew would boast of victory of a kind.
No such luck! All seven justices of the Supreme Court denied this application. The heartbeat was stopped; making it difficult to over-emphasize the state of the body. Truly might we even now sing: The End!