Caught staring? Here is what to do
So, what are we going to do when man is biologically compelled to look at certain female shapes and curves? Can there be any harmony when the woman has access to teargas?
By Hilary Bainemigisha
So, what are we going to do when man is biologically compelled to look at certain female shapes and curves? Can there be any harmony when the woman has access to teargas?
Women fear that what begins as harmless as roving eyes, ends up in Lake Victoria Windsor Hotel, Entebbe. Yet they neither want to marry blind guys nor relax as their guys enjoy optical nutrition.
The solution is simple: Camouflage! When nabbed gazing, don’t brag about having fought for the prevailing peace. Face the camera and say: “She is beautiful, isn’t she?†However, this works best with couples in long-term relationships — completely comfortable with each other. And even then, avoid words like, ‘hot’, ‘sexy’ and ‘smashing’, which have a sexual lining.
Talking about butt size, legs, or weight issues is like threatening her with a tsunami if she arrested you again when you know who controls the mambas. ‘Beautiful’, ‘pretty’ and ‘nice’ are harmless, but create the trust you need for honest exchanges. But since there are a few honest men ever to roll off the production line — from diplomats who covet thy neighbour’s wife to generals who enjoy global fun, you can use andaki (foxhole) method.
Some guys buy dark shades for motor rallies and beaches to scan at ease, others pretend to tie a shoelace as they enjoy brown thighs across, some scratch some imaginary pain in the ear while tilting the head to follow the direction of some skirt slit, others wipe away some stubborn yet imaginary thread from the shoulder, tilting the head to see a vibrating bum across the road.
But readers of this column are expected to be wiser and more diplomatic. Let the eye rove and should your girl raise the offside flag, beat her to the punch.
Comment on what you have seen them making sure that anything you say sheds a negative light on the other woman. Women want to feel somehow superior where the other woman is concerned.
“Oh, that girl has got a nice figure, but lacked a tangent like yours, darling.†If other people, especially her friends, hear the compliment, your sins will be forgiven.
Avoid the painful truth. If you are with Straka, don’t comment on other women’s waistlines. And if the eye follows Kusaasira (Eagle’s Production), don’t comment on her bums when the borderline between your woman’s back and buttocks is neither here nor there.
Admire Kusaasira’s bums privately, but officially, look for something to criticise, like her size. “Wow! Can she be flexible at all?†Both of you will smile satisfactorily and love will go on. She may even shoot off her own comments, giving you chance to gaze openly till your eyes hurt.
Another trick is a dummy display of affection. It is called diversionary attack in military terminology. You are at the beach littered with provocative wear (short skirts, revealing blouses, high slits and peeping G-strings), but your eyes are under a 24-hour surveillance.
Get a reason to embrace her thus clearing your field of vision behind her back. But note that any public display of affection that lasts longer than the conventional 10 seconds may arouse her suspicion. If you need more time, break the embrace, look romantically into her eyes and repeat the embrace again. She will bury her head into your chest in enjoyment as you enjoy the harmless ogle. Tit for tat is a fair game.
You can also get her to look elsewhere. “Hey, look at that!†This works especially well during shopping or if you are lucky enough to be near something she will be interested in (jewellery, babies or perfumes). As she digs in, you scan the area or the subject.
I have given you the necessary information; it is up to you to operationalise it.
Ends
So, what are we going to do when man is biologically compelled to look at certain female shapes and curves? Can there be any harmony when the woman has access to teargas?
Women fear that what begins as harmless as roving eyes, ends up in Lake Victoria Windsor Hotel, Entebbe. Yet they neither want to marry blind guys nor relax as their guys enjoy optical nutrition.
The solution is simple: Camouflage! When nabbed gazing, don’t brag about having fought for the prevailing peace. Face the camera and say: “She is beautiful, isn’t she?†However, this works best with couples in long-term relationships — completely comfortable with each other. And even then, avoid words like, ‘hot’, ‘sexy’ and ‘smashing’, which have a sexual lining.
Talking about butt size, legs, or weight issues is like threatening her with a tsunami if she arrested you again when you know who controls the mambas. ‘Beautiful’, ‘pretty’ and ‘nice’ are harmless, but create the trust you need for honest exchanges. But since there are a few honest men ever to roll off the production line — from diplomats who covet thy neighbour’s wife to generals who enjoy global fun, you can use andaki (foxhole) method.
Some guys buy dark shades for motor rallies and beaches to scan at ease, others pretend to tie a shoelace as they enjoy brown thighs across, some scratch some imaginary pain in the ear while tilting the head to follow the direction of some skirt slit, others wipe away some stubborn yet imaginary thread from the shoulder, tilting the head to see a vibrating bum across the road.
But readers of this column are expected to be wiser and more diplomatic. Let the eye rove and should your girl raise the offside flag, beat her to the punch.
Comment on what you have seen them making sure that anything you say sheds a negative light on the other woman. Women want to feel somehow superior where the other woman is concerned.
“Oh, that girl has got a nice figure, but lacked a tangent like yours, darling.†If other people, especially her friends, hear the compliment, your sins will be forgiven.
Avoid the painful truth. If you are with Straka, don’t comment on other women’s waistlines. And if the eye follows Kusaasira (Eagle’s Production), don’t comment on her bums when the borderline between your woman’s back and buttocks is neither here nor there.
Admire Kusaasira’s bums privately, but officially, look for something to criticise, like her size. “Wow! Can she be flexible at all?†Both of you will smile satisfactorily and love will go on. She may even shoot off her own comments, giving you chance to gaze openly till your eyes hurt.
Another trick is a dummy display of affection. It is called diversionary attack in military terminology. You are at the beach littered with provocative wear (short skirts, revealing blouses, high slits and peeping G-strings), but your eyes are under a 24-hour surveillance.
Get a reason to embrace her thus clearing your field of vision behind her back. But note that any public display of affection that lasts longer than the conventional 10 seconds may arouse her suspicion. If you need more time, break the embrace, look romantically into her eyes and repeat the embrace again. She will bury her head into your chest in enjoyment as you enjoy the harmless ogle. Tit for tat is a fair game.
You can also get her to look elsewhere. “Hey, look at that!†This works especially well during shopping or if you are lucky enough to be near something she will be interested in (jewellery, babies or perfumes). As she digs in, you scan the area or the subject.
I have given you the necessary information; it is up to you to operationalise it.
Ends