Inviting a rival into love
THE first time I conceived collaboration with my rival over a girl, I was slapped in the face. I was playing detective on a girlfriend because intelligence sources reaching my desk pointed to a certain man who was preparing to invest heavily in her. But she was denying it fervently advising me again
THE first time I conceived collaboration with my rival over a girl, I was slapped in the face. I was playing detective on a girlfriend because intelligence sources reaching my desk pointed to a certain man who was preparing to invest heavily in her. But she was denying it fervently advising me against trusting journalists.
Yet this type of smoke had to have fire. So, I deployed very fast and approached the guy (oh yes I did!). As humbly as I could, I preached the gospel of brotherhood and prayed that we desist from being juggled by a girl. I told him I was the girl’s boyfriend in case she was deceiving him that we were relatives. I insisted that, as men and good future friends, we decide who is who. He told me to rest in peace because he had never had, and would never have intentions of even making a light skinned woman his girlfriend (which I found so stupid). But we both said Amen.
Two months later, they eloped.
Much later, someone else fell into the same toilet. I was in my office when three young boys requested for my audience. They had not come for counselling, but some sort of peace talks. Their chief spokesman, Ndugu Somebody, announced that they were suspecting me of encroaching on the heart belonging to one of their girlfriends.
He practically pleaded with me to exercise restrain because they had discovered that the girlfriend of one of them — the guy, who was putting on a face of Jesus Christ on the cross, was in love with me.
Ndugu argued that since I was married, being as far as Garamba was not safe enough for them. They said instead of appealing to the International Criminal Court of Justice (abbreviated as MY WIFE), they had come to me first, as peace-loving citizens. They wanted a commitment that I would let the guy with Jesus’ face marry his girl in peace.
I first excused myself, went to the loos and laughed so hard that I would have woken up had I been dreaming. When I returned, the boys had taken off.
So, does it help to collaborate with rivals for the security of your love relationship? In Ankole, we say ‘waatooza nababwiibire’ (You are unknowingly tracing for your stolen millet with the thieves). When you ask the guy who stole your millet to help you trace the thief, he is likely to lead you far away from the truth.
Imagine me now calling all the former boyfriends of my wife to an inter-party consultation, where Abed Bwanika, the leader of.… (I forget his political party) leads with an opening prayer comparing me favourably with Biblical figures. I then inform them how I want to establish contact, brief them on how wonderful my wife is and we agree on the way forward to promote friendship instead of underhand attempts to seduce my wife. After all, don’t they say the best way to neutralise enemies is to make friends with them?
Of course when you are the incumbent, even vultures and hyenas will put on yellow T shirts and smile broadly to your proverbs.
They will present impressive manifestoes about how you should marry your wife. But see through it. Fowls cannot play counsel at a cockroach’s trial. To a rival, you can sing for all they care as long as you doze off for a minute to allow them take over. For them, it is sweet revenge, victory and pride.
There are many strategies to contain them, but collaboration is tricky. Use it at your own risk.
Yet this type of smoke had to have fire. So, I deployed very fast and approached the guy (oh yes I did!). As humbly as I could, I preached the gospel of brotherhood and prayed that we desist from being juggled by a girl. I told him I was the girl’s boyfriend in case she was deceiving him that we were relatives. I insisted that, as men and good future friends, we decide who is who. He told me to rest in peace because he had never had, and would never have intentions of even making a light skinned woman his girlfriend (which I found so stupid). But we both said Amen.
Two months later, they eloped.
Much later, someone else fell into the same toilet. I was in my office when three young boys requested for my audience. They had not come for counselling, but some sort of peace talks. Their chief spokesman, Ndugu Somebody, announced that they were suspecting me of encroaching on the heart belonging to one of their girlfriends.
He practically pleaded with me to exercise restrain because they had discovered that the girlfriend of one of them — the guy, who was putting on a face of Jesus Christ on the cross, was in love with me.
Ndugu argued that since I was married, being as far as Garamba was not safe enough for them. They said instead of appealing to the International Criminal Court of Justice (abbreviated as MY WIFE), they had come to me first, as peace-loving citizens. They wanted a commitment that I would let the guy with Jesus’ face marry his girl in peace.
I first excused myself, went to the loos and laughed so hard that I would have woken up had I been dreaming. When I returned, the boys had taken off.
So, does it help to collaborate with rivals for the security of your love relationship? In Ankole, we say ‘waatooza nababwiibire’ (You are unknowingly tracing for your stolen millet with the thieves). When you ask the guy who stole your millet to help you trace the thief, he is likely to lead you far away from the truth.
Imagine me now calling all the former boyfriends of my wife to an inter-party consultation, where Abed Bwanika, the leader of.… (I forget his political party) leads with an opening prayer comparing me favourably with Biblical figures. I then inform them how I want to establish contact, brief them on how wonderful my wife is and we agree on the way forward to promote friendship instead of underhand attempts to seduce my wife. After all, don’t they say the best way to neutralise enemies is to make friends with them?
Of course when you are the incumbent, even vultures and hyenas will put on yellow T shirts and smile broadly to your proverbs.
They will present impressive manifestoes about how you should marry your wife. But see through it. Fowls cannot play counsel at a cockroach’s trial. To a rival, you can sing for all they care as long as you doze off for a minute to allow them take over. For them, it is sweet revenge, victory and pride.
There are many strategies to contain them, but collaboration is tricky. Use it at your own risk.