I have failed to have a stable relationship yet I want to settle down
Aug 04, 2006
DEAR aunt, I am a born-again man aged 32. I had a white lady girlfriend, but because of her lesbian tendencies, I quit. I have since been in several relationships. I fall in love, but after sometime I lose interest in them. Now, there is a girl I love so much, but she doesn’t love me, yet the ones
YOU ask us
DEAR aunt, I am a born-again man aged 32. I had a white lady girlfriend, but because of her lesbian tendencies, I quit. I have since been in several relationships. I fall in love, but after sometime I lose interest in them. Now, there is a girl I love so much, but she doesn’t love me, yet the ones I don’t love crave for me. What can I do? I really want to settle.
Worried JM
Dear J.M,
Inability to settle in a relationship is often rooted either in one’s background or in personality. Interpersonal skills are acquired from home and the bond you have with parents or caretakers lays the foundation for this skill. Did you stay with both parents during early childhood? Staying with different people and failing to bond with any adult during your formative years might have resulted into your inability to form stable relationships. In case your parents divorced or you lost one of them through death leading to being shifted from one home to another then you need help.
You haven’t mentioned whether you dump the ladies after having sex with them or not. If you perceive ladies as just sex objects then it becomes difficult to build further relationship with them after sex. Before establishing a love relationship with a lady, start by building a friendship. Love founded on friendship can withstand the thorns of times.
Before settling down with a lady, change your attitude towards ladies. There is more to a lady than sexual satisfaction. Settling down requires a lady of upright character. See beyond the beautiful face, lovely smile, shapely legs, or hairstyle. Look at the personality; the inner beauty that doesn’t fade with age. However good you are, you must have the skill of relating with ‘the right’ ladies.
A relationship is not so much about getting the ‘right person’ but being the right person. You need critical self–evaluation that will enable you to think about who you are and what you want out of a relationship. Before you claim to ‘love’ a lady, establish whether you love her as a person or you are only interested in her body. Every lady desires a man who loves her genuinely. A change in your relationships will begin with a change in your attitude. Interpersonal skills can be improved at any age. Simply learn and be ready for change.
Send your questions to
intimate@newvision.co.ug
or send an SMS to 0772631032
DEAR aunt, I am a born-again man aged 32. I had a white lady girlfriend, but because of her lesbian tendencies, I quit. I have since been in several relationships. I fall in love, but after sometime I lose interest in them. Now, there is a girl I love so much, but she doesn’t love me, yet the ones I don’t love crave for me. What can I do? I really want to settle.
Worried JM
Dear J.M,
Inability to settle in a relationship is often rooted either in one’s background or in personality. Interpersonal skills are acquired from home and the bond you have with parents or caretakers lays the foundation for this skill. Did you stay with both parents during early childhood? Staying with different people and failing to bond with any adult during your formative years might have resulted into your inability to form stable relationships. In case your parents divorced or you lost one of them through death leading to being shifted from one home to another then you need help.
You haven’t mentioned whether you dump the ladies after having sex with them or not. If you perceive ladies as just sex objects then it becomes difficult to build further relationship with them after sex. Before establishing a love relationship with a lady, start by building a friendship. Love founded on friendship can withstand the thorns of times.
Before settling down with a lady, change your attitude towards ladies. There is more to a lady than sexual satisfaction. Settling down requires a lady of upright character. See beyond the beautiful face, lovely smile, shapely legs, or hairstyle. Look at the personality; the inner beauty that doesn’t fade with age. However good you are, you must have the skill of relating with ‘the right’ ladies.
A relationship is not so much about getting the ‘right person’ but being the right person. You need critical self–evaluation that will enable you to think about who you are and what you want out of a relationship. Before you claim to ‘love’ a lady, establish whether you love her as a person or you are only interested in her body. Every lady desires a man who loves her genuinely. A change in your relationships will begin with a change in your attitude. Interpersonal skills can be improved at any age. Simply learn and be ready for change.
Send your questions to
intimate@newvision.co.ug
or send an SMS to 0772631032