In pastor’s defence

Sep 08, 2006

Don’t ask, let me tell you; I took a well deserved French leave and half way this, the rumour producers were on their soapbox spewing blatant lies even when the truth was clearly in their favour — I wonder where they buy their weed from!

Don’t ask, let me tell you; I took a well deserved French leave and half way this, the rumour producers were on their soapbox spewing blatant lies even when the truth was clearly in their favour — I wonder where they buy their weed from!
I earlier on told you guys that I never buy that paper, and I know you are wondering how I could have known about the rubbish they have been publishing. Anyway, I had to buy that red rag, but only because my toilet paper had run out!
That said, you definitely must have heard about the wines and spirits that were intercepted at my friend, Pastor Kayanja’s property.
I am really flabbergasted by the amount of dust this is raising. I can’t imagine a whole country coming to a standstill just because some pastor has been dragged into a spirit smuggling racket. Don’t we have better things to do?
If you ask for my opinion about this whole thing, I would surmise that Ugandans just have nuggu for that son of ‘GaD’. Just because the man jazzes with ‘Gad’ on some weird celestial cell phone; and has a huge flock, some Ugandans want to tie this hard-earned influence to the murky trade of spirits on lake Victoria.
Our society is so lugambo-riddled they won’t waste a second making conclusions based on total ignorance. As a bright Alur boy, let me educate you about something; just because the guy is called Kayanja and the spirits were ferried over a nyanja doesn’t mean that there’s a connection.
Okay, the truth is the good Pastor preaches with so much gusto, however, I can vouch for him on this one —there’s only one spirit twirling in his head and that’s the holy one.
But really...so what if there was an assortment of spirits at the Pastor’s humongous property? Where were you when he was... er .er... sorry...er...when he was getting his divine powers? As far as I am concerned, Pastor Kayanja is in the business of casting and binding spirits, it is only understandable that spirits are intercepted at his property, who knows, maybe they were waiting to be cast into the lake (and don't ask me about the pigs, the bottles were enough!).
Some people are advancing the argument that there was no holiness in those spirits found at Kayanja’s property because the spirits were bottled but I can assure you, spirits are spirits whether bottled or not. Nigerian women put men in bottles (omusajja amuteeka mu ccupa) but do these men cease to be men? I hear there was also an assortment of wines at the Pastor’s property, but Jesus’ turned water into wine at that party in Caana, so I think it is okay for spirits and wines to be found at a holy man’s residence.
I now compel you guys to stop discussing Pastor Kayanja or else invoke powers to deal with you. I bind every talk about Pastor Kayanja, in Jesus’ name. Wamma Pastor Kayanja if anybody dares to call you about the spirits, inform them that there’s only the ‘holy spirit’ at your property.
In the meantime, Auntie Kagina, can you send some of those spirits to me. We need to find out, whether they are real because it is strange for spirits to have names like Jack Daniels, Cauversior, Martel and Johnnie Walker. or whether that wine was originally from Caana. My kyana is a wine expert!

harry@bullseyecreative.co.ug

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