Is the pain of a negative DNA test worth it?
ACCORDING to the Liverpool John Moores University research reported by British Broadcasting Council, up to one in 25 dads in the UK could unknowingly be raising another man’s child. (I wonder if I sound consoling to Pastor David Kiganda – ‘you are not alone!’).
Hilary Bainemigisha
ACCORDING to the Liverpool John Moores University research reported by British Broadcasting Council, up to one in 25 dads in the UK could unknowingly be raising another man’s child. (I wonder if I sound consoling to Pastor David Kiganda – ‘you are not alone!’).
And in the US, an estimated 30% of all fathers who undergo genetic paternity tests discover they are not the biological fathers of the children. You may want to stop here and rush to Wandegeya with your children, after all, don’t our Buganda wise people advise that you can only be sure of your dad if the mother dies of natural causes? (when she has an opportunity to tell you the real dad).
But first wait! Even Pastor Kiganda should first read this before venturing into paternity stuff. Paternity tests are like HIV results — shocking. But, unlike HIV testing, there is no counselling before you are told that the scoreline reads Mukwasi 5, Kiganda 0! And from the way the man of God lost his backbone to adultery discoveries, he may not handle the DNA stuff.
As for the rest of mortal man, if the Holy Spirited pastor is advised against DNA news, who are you to seek a red card? Sometimes no news is good news.
Uganda now has a DNA testing machine, where you can get biological proof of who scored the winning goal. In developed countries, the demand for paternity testing has grown by a factor of 10 in the last 10 years and is increasingly becoming part of everyone’s menu. This is because the Mukwasis of this world have learnt to shoot without missing.
And there is no DDT to spray against adulterers. But first visualise this: I humbly take my children’s samples and mine for DNA tests and some smiling desk officer gives me the results prompting me to smile back. I open trembling only to discover that the son I doubted, is mine! (Sigh of relief). But then the results might also say something else; the rest of the children I was sure of, including one I got just after the honeymoon, are as not mine as the Mufti is to the Catholics. (Result: Shock! Madness! Dust! War!).
I am not sure if I will not grab the desk officer by the neck and probably spit in her face, or if I will walk through Wandegeya peacefully. I may even fight with a taxi conductor before returning to torch my house. If I do not burn anything down, I will fight someone that night, break up a few things, especially the marriage, before joining the UPDF because at that time, the battlefield will be more peaceful than home.
I cannot imagine finding out that my lovely children I toil so much for, belong to some bushy-eyed, chapatti-smelling neighbour! Or that the mzee I love so much is actually not my dad! Why should I allow such tsunamis to wreck my peace when all I am waiting for is oil made in Uganda at six cents a unit. What about the affected children?
All the feeling of anger, betrayal, shattered esteem and anxiety just because some DNA machine decided to rewrite history! For us men, being deceived into looking after another man’s child is worse than giving Kony a ministry. Would a single test result erase the father-child bond of so many years? No!
There are things you just cannot easily give up and the best strategy is to let them be. In short, DNA testing of paternity can cause more problems than it tries to resolve. The human race, after all, existed perfectly well for many centuries without this categorical form of proof of paternity.
In Ankole, a man was the father of his wife’s children even when they resembled his brother so much. It was the same blood after all. The Romans had a law adopted by Britain and Ireland over 500 years ago that a man is the legal father of his wife’s child unless he can prove he is sterile or was away at the time of conception.
Let us leave it to guys who doubt some girl trying to force a result onto the one-night-stand they had. Or to the Juliet Kiwuwas of this world who will want to disown their dads because of an Ivan they love who happens to be a Serunkuma of the same Ndiga clan. The rest should keep off until the Government starts earning from oil, which the president said is very soon, and can afford a team of counsellors at the DNA testing machine. You need a lot of support after being pronounced a ghost dad.
To prove that I am right, I will refer you to Shakespeare. He once copied these words in his writings some years ago.
ACCORDING to the Liverpool John Moores University research reported by British Broadcasting Council, up to one in 25 dads in the UK could unknowingly be raising another man’s child. (I wonder if I sound consoling to Pastor David Kiganda – ‘you are not alone!’).
And in the US, an estimated 30% of all fathers who undergo genetic paternity tests discover they are not the biological fathers of the children. You may want to stop here and rush to Wandegeya with your children, after all, don’t our Buganda wise people advise that you can only be sure of your dad if the mother dies of natural causes? (when she has an opportunity to tell you the real dad).
But first wait! Even Pastor Kiganda should first read this before venturing into paternity stuff. Paternity tests are like HIV results — shocking. But, unlike HIV testing, there is no counselling before you are told that the scoreline reads Mukwasi 5, Kiganda 0! And from the way the man of God lost his backbone to adultery discoveries, he may not handle the DNA stuff.
As for the rest of mortal man, if the Holy Spirited pastor is advised against DNA news, who are you to seek a red card? Sometimes no news is good news.
Uganda now has a DNA testing machine, where you can get biological proof of who scored the winning goal. In developed countries, the demand for paternity testing has grown by a factor of 10 in the last 10 years and is increasingly becoming part of everyone’s menu. This is because the Mukwasis of this world have learnt to shoot without missing.
And there is no DDT to spray against adulterers. But first visualise this: I humbly take my children’s samples and mine for DNA tests and some smiling desk officer gives me the results prompting me to smile back. I open trembling only to discover that the son I doubted, is mine! (Sigh of relief). But then the results might also say something else; the rest of the children I was sure of, including one I got just after the honeymoon, are as not mine as the Mufti is to the Catholics. (Result: Shock! Madness! Dust! War!).
I am not sure if I will not grab the desk officer by the neck and probably spit in her face, or if I will walk through Wandegeya peacefully. I may even fight with a taxi conductor before returning to torch my house. If I do not burn anything down, I will fight someone that night, break up a few things, especially the marriage, before joining the UPDF because at that time, the battlefield will be more peaceful than home.
I cannot imagine finding out that my lovely children I toil so much for, belong to some bushy-eyed, chapatti-smelling neighbour! Or that the mzee I love so much is actually not my dad! Why should I allow such tsunamis to wreck my peace when all I am waiting for is oil made in Uganda at six cents a unit. What about the affected children?
All the feeling of anger, betrayal, shattered esteem and anxiety just because some DNA machine decided to rewrite history! For us men, being deceived into looking after another man’s child is worse than giving Kony a ministry. Would a single test result erase the father-child bond of so many years? No!
There are things you just cannot easily give up and the best strategy is to let them be. In short, DNA testing of paternity can cause more problems than it tries to resolve. The human race, after all, existed perfectly well for many centuries without this categorical form of proof of paternity.
In Ankole, a man was the father of his wife’s children even when they resembled his brother so much. It was the same blood after all. The Romans had a law adopted by Britain and Ireland over 500 years ago that a man is the legal father of his wife’s child unless he can prove he is sterile or was away at the time of conception.
Let us leave it to guys who doubt some girl trying to force a result onto the one-night-stand they had. Or to the Juliet Kiwuwas of this world who will want to disown their dads because of an Ivan they love who happens to be a Serunkuma of the same Ndiga clan. The rest should keep off until the Government starts earning from oil, which the president said is very soon, and can afford a team of counsellors at the DNA testing machine. You need a lot of support after being pronounced a ghost dad.
To prove that I am right, I will refer you to Shakespeare. He once copied these words in his writings some years ago.