Cheating not a prerogative of men
Nov 27, 2006
Joe Ocegyeta in an article titled, “Is cheating men’s prerogative?†(New Vision, October 12, 2006) argued that a philandering man must be forgiven but a cheating woman should hang! This reinforces male biases and dominance over women.
By Monica Amoding
Joe Ocegyeta in an article titled, “Is cheating men’s prerogative?†(New Vision, October 12, 2006) argued that a philandering man must be forgiven but a cheating woman should hang! This reinforces male biases and dominance over women.
The writer justifies and prescribes polygamy for men by equating them to roosters, bulls and rams, which tend to lose interest in one sexual partner after copulation with them over a number of times but quickly resume interest when presented with a new sexual partner. However, man was created with a conscience that animals and birds do not have. This is why humanity rules over other species. Men too can control their libido. The story of Pastor Kiganda shows that women need sex as much as men do. It is their right.
Cheating is not natural. It is learnt. Psychologists say that behaviours are socially learnt. That is why cheating is acceptable in some societies and not in others. Natural things are those that every human being does irrespective of sex, class, colour, race or geographical location, etc. When you stop doing those things, you cease to be human. Examples include breathing, eating and sleeping. Having multiple partners has never been accepted as a man’s natural right. Cheating has been made ‘natural’ by men because of their socialisation. Male children grow seeing their fathers having more than one wife; they continue seeing other relatives and friends doing the same when they become adults. Because society has okayed it, the children see it as the norm rather than the exception. Unfortunately many women have accepted cheating as a normal behaviour among men because of their socialisation. This attitude propagates the vicious cycle of domestic violence where by our children will also learn and tend to emulate this in their lifetime.
The writer talked about genetic, hormonal, physiological, religious and instinctive internal forces. There is no scientific research that has proven that because of the genetic, hormonal or physiological differences between women and men, the latter need more sex than women. On the contrary, both sexes equally need sex. When God created Eve for Adam, he knew that one woman was enough for a man.
Cheating is bad because it has resulted into a lot of marital problems and deaths. Cheating is partly responsible for the increasing cases of domestic violence and HIV/AIDs that have claimed many lives. There are many cases of murders occurring in marital relationships because couples fight each other fiercely, biting off each other’s private parts or injuring each other with lethal objects and acid.
Both men and women feel bad when their partner cheats on them and the resultant violence is understandable. It hurts his emotions and instills in him or her fears of death as a result of HIV/AIDS and other sexually transmitted diseases. What hurts men hurts women!
Ocegyeta argued that sex for men is more than play and orgasm but a feedback for ability and self worth. He argues that adolescent boys want to amass girlfriends to assure themselves of their self-esteem. It is high time we helped men to reflect on their identities. Men do not need to have many girlfriends to boost their ego. They can boost their ego by improving the standard of living and that of their communities.
Ocegyeta concludes by directly contradicting the first allegation that men cheat because it is a natural thing, by arguing that it actually has to do with the need to show power and dominion over women. However, happy and healthy relationships are based on mutual love and equity and not on domination by one party over the other. Happy relationships are generally less vulnerable to cheating.
Joe Ocegyeta in an article titled, “Is cheating men’s prerogative?†(New Vision, October 12, 2006) argued that a philandering man must be forgiven but a cheating woman should hang! This reinforces male biases and dominance over women.
The writer justifies and prescribes polygamy for men by equating them to roosters, bulls and rams, which tend to lose interest in one sexual partner after copulation with them over a number of times but quickly resume interest when presented with a new sexual partner. However, man was created with a conscience that animals and birds do not have. This is why humanity rules over other species. Men too can control their libido. The story of Pastor Kiganda shows that women need sex as much as men do. It is their right.
Cheating is not natural. It is learnt. Psychologists say that behaviours are socially learnt. That is why cheating is acceptable in some societies and not in others. Natural things are those that every human being does irrespective of sex, class, colour, race or geographical location, etc. When you stop doing those things, you cease to be human. Examples include breathing, eating and sleeping. Having multiple partners has never been accepted as a man’s natural right. Cheating has been made ‘natural’ by men because of their socialisation. Male children grow seeing their fathers having more than one wife; they continue seeing other relatives and friends doing the same when they become adults. Because society has okayed it, the children see it as the norm rather than the exception. Unfortunately many women have accepted cheating as a normal behaviour among men because of their socialisation. This attitude propagates the vicious cycle of domestic violence where by our children will also learn and tend to emulate this in their lifetime.
The writer talked about genetic, hormonal, physiological, religious and instinctive internal forces. There is no scientific research that has proven that because of the genetic, hormonal or physiological differences between women and men, the latter need more sex than women. On the contrary, both sexes equally need sex. When God created Eve for Adam, he knew that one woman was enough for a man.
Cheating is bad because it has resulted into a lot of marital problems and deaths. Cheating is partly responsible for the increasing cases of domestic violence and HIV/AIDs that have claimed many lives. There are many cases of murders occurring in marital relationships because couples fight each other fiercely, biting off each other’s private parts or injuring each other with lethal objects and acid.
Both men and women feel bad when their partner cheats on them and the resultant violence is understandable. It hurts his emotions and instills in him or her fears of death as a result of HIV/AIDS and other sexually transmitted diseases. What hurts men hurts women!
Ocegyeta argued that sex for men is more than play and orgasm but a feedback for ability and self worth. He argues that adolescent boys want to amass girlfriends to assure themselves of their self-esteem. It is high time we helped men to reflect on their identities. Men do not need to have many girlfriends to boost their ego. They can boost their ego by improving the standard of living and that of their communities.
Ocegyeta concludes by directly contradicting the first allegation that men cheat because it is a natural thing, by arguing that it actually has to do with the need to show power and dominion over women. However, happy and healthy relationships are based on mutual love and equity and not on domination by one party over the other. Happy relationships are generally less vulnerable to cheating.