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YOU ASK US

By Vision Reporter

Added 29th December 2006 03:00 AM

* Is she cheating?
Dear Aunt,
I have been in love with my girlfriend for six months. I love but I suspect she is seeing somebody. When I ask her about it, she says she loves only me. Sometimes I feel like ending our relationship, but I love her and would not like to cheat on her. What should

* Is she cheating?
Dear Aunt,
I have been in love with my girlfriend for six months. I love but I suspect she is seeing somebody. When I ask her about it, she says she loves only me. Sometimes I feel like ending our relationship, but I love her and would not like to cheat on her. What should

* Is she cheating?
Dear Aunt,
I have been in love with my girlfriend for six months. I love but I suspect she is seeing somebody. When I ask her about it, she says she loves only me. Sometimes I feel like ending our relationship, but I love her and would not like to cheat on her. What should I do?
- Jonah

Dear Jonah,
A healthy relationship must be built on trust. It is difficult to cultivate lasting trust in a relationship without open communication. What exactly don’t you like? Mention the behaviour and let her know how it makes you feel. Use statements like: ‘I feel hurt whenever you fail to call me. Try not to begin your statements with ‘You’ lest she feels blamed and rises up in self-defence. Since you are in a love relationship, she wouldn’t admit that she is seeing another man. Remember, shifting to another relationship does not solve the problem but shifts the problem to another lover.

* He is dodging me
Dear Aunt,
I have a guy whom I have been with for one-and-a-half years at campus. He made me pregnant and helped me to abort. When we went for holidays, l used to call him but he would sound reluctant. When we returned to campus, he kept dodging and we separated. I still love him and would love to spend my life with him. We are not in touch, but I know l can get him. My only fear is that he could be having another girlfriend since he was a womaniser. Should l rekindle our affair?
- Rita

Dear Rita,
The feeling of loss you are experiencing is a result of intense emotional attachment you had developed with him. Although you love him, he seems to have lost feelings for you, making your love ‘one-sided’. You are thinking about marriage prematurely when you should be mending your relationship. There are health risks you face given the nature of your boyfriend’s sexual behaviour. The belief that your boyfriend is the only man for you might be a sign of low self-esteem (seeing yourself as having low value or not good enough to be loved). Imposing yourself on a man who lacks interest in you would expose you to more emotional abuse. Love is a natural feeling that cannot be forced.

* Will she marry me?
Dear Aunt,
I have a lady I love so much. When I proposed marriage to her, she said she could neither say ‘yes’ nor ‘no.’ Do you think there is hope?
- Ashrafu

Dear Ashrafu,
You have not mentioned how much this lady loves you. If she loves you as much then she should be able to tell you more than just ‘yes’ or ‘no’. It takes more than mere feelings to propose marriage. Relationships do not begin with marriage proposal; it comes at a later stage when both of you are prepared. How well do you know your girlfriend and for how long have you been in relationship with her? Rushing to make a proposal before your girlfriend is ready could mean you are trying to cover up something and she might not take you seriously. Did you know that true love waits? Lay the foundation for your relationship first. Her response might mean that she needs more time and you too need time.

Send your problems to Dear Aunt, Intimate at the New Vision, P.O Box 9815 Kampala or intimate@newvision.co.ug

YOU ASK US

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