How children can cope with bullying
Mar 20, 2005
MY first day in secondary school was a nightmare. The excitement I had about joining a boarding school suddenly came tumbling down as feelings of loneliness and homesickness set in.
Parenting - By Wagwau Jamesa
MY first day in secondary school was a nightmare. The excitement I had about joining a boarding school suddenly came tumbling down as feelings of loneliness and homesickness set in.
I was surrounded by a bunch of students who bullied, tortured and humiliated me. My tormentors escorted me with my luggage to the toilet. “Since the dormitory is full, the school has allocated you this ‘special room’ to use as your dormitory as they sort out the problem,†one boy said.
As I stood helplessly in front of a stinking latrine with my luggage, the two boys almost broke their ribs in laughter. What a humiliation! “Is this what a boarding school is all about? Then I was better off in a day school,†I said to myself.
Last Monday’s story about a boy who was scalded with hot water in Kisubi High School is a clear testimony that bullying is rife in schools. Kisubi High School authorities however, said the incident was an accident.
It is regrettable however, that most bullying cases are hushed up by school authorities for fear of the negative reputation it gives the school.
Although many schools have put tough rules to put bullying at bay, the bully often resorts to subtle forms of humiliation where violence is prohibited. Some of them camouflage themselves as good samaritans intending to help a new comer understand the school environment. After this ‘help’ the new comer may be forced to part with some of his or her eats and pocket money as ‘consultation fee.’
Psychologists say boys and girls bully each other differently. While boys tend to resort to physical aggression, girls often bully through teasing, social isolation and other less violent means. You need to make your child know that bullying exists and he or she should learn self-assertion and coping skills.
The following tips would help your child cope with bullying:
It takes great courage for a child to report that he or she is being bullied. This is because a serious bully uses threats and instills fear in the victim making them fear the consequences of reporting.
Advise the child to keep a low profile and not be confrontational. The child does not have to respond to rude remarks or mean questions. Many times a bully will give up if they are ignored or do not get the reaction they expect.
Encourage children to tell someone when they feel scared or threatened. It is worth noting that bullies are less likely to target children, who feel secure and confident in standing up for themselves.
Do not tell your child to fight back. This is sanctioning violence against violence, a strategy that has many drawbacks. Teach the child the difference between assertive and aggressive behaviour. The child needs to know that it is o.k to say ‘no’ to an unfriendly demand.
If your child has been bullied, then you must make an effort to rebuild the lost self-esteem by focusing on his strengths. Long-term bullying lowers a child’s self-esteem. The child sees herself as helpless in not being able to defend herself from the bully.
Psychological wounds inflicted by bullying are far-reaching and take a long time to heal. A child who has been bullied should not be taken back to any school without proper counselling. Since physical bruises might not characterise all cases of bullying, you need to keep alert.
Who becomes a bully?
In many cases the bullied child receives more attention than the bully. Children who bully others are victims of violence and are in need of help.
Psychologists believe bullying is well rooted in a child’s family. Schools should adopt behaviour rehabilitation programmes to help bullies. Children who torture others need counselling and not expulsion letters.
A child whose parents show concern for others is more likely to be caring towards other children. Research shows that most bullies have low self-esteem and they use aggression to assert themselves.
Parents, who constantly threaten their children with violence or dish out corporal punishment generously, risk having children who enjoy torturing, bullying or threatening others. According to Richard Woolfson in his book A-Z Of Child Development, parents’ relationship with the child determines how the child relates with others. Bullying parents have bullying children.
Most supervisors, who derive pleasure from threatening and humiliating subordinates are products of violent homes and authoritarian parents.
This means bullying can extend beyond the school if not nipped at the bud.
Since bullying is homebred, parents alone and not the teachers have the capacity to root it out.
One way of doing this is by making our homes violence-free and treating children like human beings.
MY first day in secondary school was a nightmare. The excitement I had about joining a boarding school suddenly came tumbling down as feelings of loneliness and homesickness set in.
I was surrounded by a bunch of students who bullied, tortured and humiliated me. My tormentors escorted me with my luggage to the toilet. “Since the dormitory is full, the school has allocated you this ‘special room’ to use as your dormitory as they sort out the problem,†one boy said.
As I stood helplessly in front of a stinking latrine with my luggage, the two boys almost broke their ribs in laughter. What a humiliation! “Is this what a boarding school is all about? Then I was better off in a day school,†I said to myself.
Last Monday’s story about a boy who was scalded with hot water in Kisubi High School is a clear testimony that bullying is rife in schools. Kisubi High School authorities however, said the incident was an accident.
It is regrettable however, that most bullying cases are hushed up by school authorities for fear of the negative reputation it gives the school.
Although many schools have put tough rules to put bullying at bay, the bully often resorts to subtle forms of humiliation where violence is prohibited. Some of them camouflage themselves as good samaritans intending to help a new comer understand the school environment. After this ‘help’ the new comer may be forced to part with some of his or her eats and pocket money as ‘consultation fee.’
Psychologists say boys and girls bully each other differently. While boys tend to resort to physical aggression, girls often bully through teasing, social isolation and other less violent means. You need to make your child know that bullying exists and he or she should learn self-assertion and coping skills.
The following tips would help your child cope with bullying:
It takes great courage for a child to report that he or she is being bullied. This is because a serious bully uses threats and instills fear in the victim making them fear the consequences of reporting.
Psychological wounds inflicted by bullying are far-reaching and take a long time to heal. A child who has been bullied should not be taken back to any school without proper counselling. Since physical bruises might not characterise all cases of bullying, you need to keep alert.
Who becomes a bully?
Psychologists believe bullying is well rooted in a child’s family. Schools should adopt behaviour rehabilitation programmes to help bullies. Children who torture others need counselling and not expulsion letters.
Parents, who constantly threaten their children with violence or dish out corporal punishment generously, risk having children who enjoy torturing, bullying or threatening others. According to Richard Woolfson in his book A-Z Of Child Development, parents’ relationship with the child determines how the child relates with others. Bullying parents have bullying children.
This means bullying can extend beyond the school if not nipped at the bud.
Since bullying is homebred, parents alone and not the teachers have the capacity to root it out.
One way of doing this is by making our homes violence-free and treating children like human beings.