Secret affairs more stressful than polygamy
May 17, 2005
<b>Shuaib Kaggwa</b><br><br>I grew up in a polygamous setting and I am a happy polygamist, in a world of philanderers, homos, lesbians, co-habitants and few true monogamists.
Shuaib Kaggwa
I grew up in a polygamous setting and I am a happy polygamist, in a world of philanderers, homos, lesbians, co-habitants and few true monogamists.
Asumani Bisiika’s recent article “Polygamy is Stressful,†flabbergasted me. Instead of telling us real issues, he dwelt on individuals’ affairs such as ex-bank governor, and his uncle. Any marriage, polygamous or not, can be marred by controversies.
Disagreements don’t occur only in polygamous marriages. There are many rocky monogamous marriages out there.
After reading the article, I discerned it was not from the bottom of his heart. Perhaps he was hired to outline the ills of polygamy.
Bisiika argues that polygamous men are always out to please women. What’s wrong with that? What else is a husband for to her wife, if not to please her? Bissika points out the evils of polygamy, and deliberately avoids its positive aspects. Everything has the good and the bad side. Why didn’t he point out the advantages of polygamy?
I won’t go into the details of where I grew up, but I have a personal story to tell. My apologies to my dear ones for indulging our domestic affairs.
When I married my first wife, my love for my mother dwindled. My visits to her home reduced because I had to be with my wife (she fondly calls me Mulongo Wasswa and I call her Nakatto. Just our romance game).
Seven years down the road, my small brother, wishes I had not married. We are no longer close; he is no longer free in my house. For once, I started clearing his school dues late. Now, tell me, should I advise this young boy never to marry because of such problems?
True, polygamy may be stressful but so is anything else. Here is my real stress story. With Nakatto, we grappled with a problem (only known to us and a few physicians)for five years. It affected me and no therapy could work. In the sixth year, I secretly fixed a nikah with another wife. Mark you, I call her my wife, not woman!
If the DRB was already a law, it wouldn’t have stopped me, though Nakatto might have objected, as indeed she tried to. The law would only stop me from going to the Imam, and, perhaps, I would have to refer to that lady as a mistress.
Frankly, the time I spent seeing this lady secretly was more stressful. It is now official. The lady is my wife and life much better.
I now look at polygamy as a nobler way of life. Some men choose to remain single or philanderers, others co-habit but the bottom line is they all do the same things married people do — including fathering children here and there.
The DRB does not adequately address issues of this nature.
Setting a time frame after which a relationship of this nature will become legal is being unfair to ourselves. For that reason and many others, we insist DRB is not a proper way of harmonising families.
The writer is a polygamist
I grew up in a polygamous setting and I am a happy polygamist, in a world of philanderers, homos, lesbians, co-habitants and few true monogamists.
Asumani Bisiika’s recent article “Polygamy is Stressful,†flabbergasted me. Instead of telling us real issues, he dwelt on individuals’ affairs such as ex-bank governor, and his uncle. Any marriage, polygamous or not, can be marred by controversies.
Disagreements don’t occur only in polygamous marriages. There are many rocky monogamous marriages out there.
After reading the article, I discerned it was not from the bottom of his heart. Perhaps he was hired to outline the ills of polygamy.
Bisiika argues that polygamous men are always out to please women. What’s wrong with that? What else is a husband for to her wife, if not to please her? Bissika points out the evils of polygamy, and deliberately avoids its positive aspects. Everything has the good and the bad side. Why didn’t he point out the advantages of polygamy?
I won’t go into the details of where I grew up, but I have a personal story to tell. My apologies to my dear ones for indulging our domestic affairs.
When I married my first wife, my love for my mother dwindled. My visits to her home reduced because I had to be with my wife (she fondly calls me Mulongo Wasswa and I call her Nakatto. Just our romance game).
Seven years down the road, my small brother, wishes I had not married. We are no longer close; he is no longer free in my house. For once, I started clearing his school dues late. Now, tell me, should I advise this young boy never to marry because of such problems?
True, polygamy may be stressful but so is anything else. Here is my real stress story. With Nakatto, we grappled with a problem (only known to us and a few physicians)for five years. It affected me and no therapy could work. In the sixth year, I secretly fixed a nikah with another wife. Mark you, I call her my wife, not woman!
If the DRB was already a law, it wouldn’t have stopped me, though Nakatto might have objected, as indeed she tried to. The law would only stop me from going to the Imam, and, perhaps, I would have to refer to that lady as a mistress.
Frankly, the time I spent seeing this lady secretly was more stressful. It is now official. The lady is my wife and life much better.
I now look at polygamy as a nobler way of life. Some men choose to remain single or philanderers, others co-habit but the bottom line is they all do the same things married people do — including fathering children here and there.
The DRB does not adequately address issues of this nature.
Setting a time frame after which a relationship of this nature will become legal is being unfair to ourselves. For that reason and many others, we insist DRB is not a proper way of harmonising families.
The writer is a polygamist