Verbal threats do not discipline a child
HAS your child ever pushed you to an emotional edge? A naughty child can stretch the patience of even the most tolerant parent.
Parenting - Jamesa Wagwau
HAS your child ever pushed you to an emotional edge? A naughty child can stretch the patience of even the most tolerant parent.
When this happens, parents often resort to verbal threats to frighten the child. Some of the common threats used by teachers and parents are: “I’ll smash that big head!†“Stop crying before I beat you up.â€
Recently, I saw a friend scream at her four-year old son for splashing dirty water on a white wall. “Junior, stop it before I beat you up!†she said. Junior warned his mother in return:
“Don’t disturb me. I’ll beat you up Mummy,†said Junior. He then continued with his splashing stubbornly. Is verbal threat an effective tool of discipline?
Excessive use of threats sets a bad example and might ruin your child’s communication. When children are learning communication skills, the words and tone parents use act as their main learning point.
Your child will innocently tell you ‘I’ll kill you Mummy’ without understanding the implications of the statement.
Psychologists also believe that threats cease to have an effect on the victim if they are given as mere sentiments not backed with action. Without actual caning ‘I will beat you’ turns into a routine hymn.
Since we parent our children the way we were parented, a parent’s obsession with verbal threats might be a result of a perverted upbringing. You can be helped to change your communication patterns positively. Lets explore what lies behind verbal threats:
Your child understands your mood and will easily tell whether you are angry or merely claiming to be.
Do not say you are angry if you know you are not.
Excessive use of verbal threats is a sign of poor communication skill. Use ‘I’ language to express your feelings and avoid threats. Say “I feel upset when you watch TV during bedtime,†instead of “Turn off that TV before I smash your big head!â€
When children are conditioned to empty threats, they will never take you seriously even if you scream your lungs out.
Children might not remember what you said, but they will never forget how you said it. The tone and pattern in which you communicate with the child will directly influence the child’s way of communication.
Parents, who shout, use threats or obscene language should not expect any different communication patterns from their children. Always remember to back up your criticisms with compliments or verbal praise for the best results.
jwagwau@newvision.co.ug
HAS your child ever pushed you to an emotional edge? A naughty child can stretch the patience of even the most tolerant parent.
When this happens, parents often resort to verbal threats to frighten the child. Some of the common threats used by teachers and parents are: “I’ll smash that big head!†“Stop crying before I beat you up.â€
Recently, I saw a friend scream at her four-year old son for splashing dirty water on a white wall. “Junior, stop it before I beat you up!†she said. Junior warned his mother in return:
“Don’t disturb me. I’ll beat you up Mummy,†said Junior. He then continued with his splashing stubbornly. Is verbal threat an effective tool of discipline?
Excessive use of threats sets a bad example and might ruin your child’s communication. When children are learning communication skills, the words and tone parents use act as their main learning point.
Your child will innocently tell you ‘I’ll kill you Mummy’ without understanding the implications of the statement.
Psychologists also believe that threats cease to have an effect on the victim if they are given as mere sentiments not backed with action. Without actual caning ‘I will beat you’ turns into a routine hymn.
Since we parent our children the way we were parented, a parent’s obsession with verbal threats might be a result of a perverted upbringing. You can be helped to change your communication patterns positively. Lets explore what lies behind verbal threats:
Do not say you are angry if you know you are not.
Parents, who shout, use threats or obscene language should not expect any different communication patterns from their children. Always remember to back up your criticisms with compliments or verbal praise for the best results.
jwagwau@newvision.co.ug