Guard against double standards of discipline
Aug 06, 2005
A friend almost had her marriage shattered as a result of double standards of discipline in her family.
A friend almost had her marriage shattered as a result of double standards of discipline in her family.
On several occasions, she openly disagreed with her husband over discipline among their three children. The rift deepened so much that the children hated their mother and considered her ‘bad’ and their father ‘good’.
Daddy would warn mummy over punishing his ‘sweet daughters’ for ‘no good reason’. Before long, the daughters turned unruly and warned their mother: “we shall report you to daddy if you dare cane us.†Have you ever differed with your spouse on matters of child-discipline?
Maintaining discipline standards is a challenge, especially in most young families where parents cannot strike a balance between loving and disciplining. In such families, children are handled tenderly, left to do things their way and idolised like small gods. A family is an institution with principles and a culture that accords it a unique identity.
The arrival of children into the family also gives your family a new identity and adjustments have to be made to accommodate the changes. Few couples prepare for the challenges of parenting and children often come as a shock. Where a couple brings up their children, clear discipline principles must be set to minimise confusion.
Confusion is compounded by the fact that you and your spouse were parented differently, the result of which are diverse perception of values. It is like an employee, who receives contradicting instructions from two supervisors. Your principles and values should be harmonised before children learn them. Lets explore how best to minimise double standards of discipline:
Discipline is based upon a set of values. Discuss these values with your spouse and agree on how best you will use them to mould your family.
Set a culture that would give your family an identity. There must be a unique way in which your family does things. Maintain this culture and let it be your trademark.
Discuss with your spouse issues concerning your children’s growth and the challenges they face. A happy home should always have limits. Let your children know what you will permit and what you will prohibit.
Do not oppose each other over discipline in the presence of your children. If you do not agree, discuss it in the privacy of your bedroom.
Children are experts at exploiting loopholes. Do not allow them to take sides with either parent. You cannot discipline a child who sees mummy as ‘bad’ and daddy as ‘good’.
Consistency is the rule of character building. Daddy should not tolerate a behaviour and the next minute mummy punishes a child over the same.
Many parents tend to handle the children they favour with kid gloves. This compromise can tear your family apart.
Children are keen observers and exceptionally perceptive. James Dobson in his book, The Strong Willed Child, states that the most important lessons learnt at home are obedience, reverence and self-control.
You must teach these values patiently, lovingly and consistently every day to become part of the child’s character.
jwagwau@newvision.co.ug
077-631032
On several occasions, she openly disagreed with her husband over discipline among their three children. The rift deepened so much that the children hated their mother and considered her ‘bad’ and their father ‘good’.
Daddy would warn mummy over punishing his ‘sweet daughters’ for ‘no good reason’. Before long, the daughters turned unruly and warned their mother: “we shall report you to daddy if you dare cane us.†Have you ever differed with your spouse on matters of child-discipline?
Maintaining discipline standards is a challenge, especially in most young families where parents cannot strike a balance between loving and disciplining. In such families, children are handled tenderly, left to do things their way and idolised like small gods. A family is an institution with principles and a culture that accords it a unique identity.
The arrival of children into the family also gives your family a new identity and adjustments have to be made to accommodate the changes. Few couples prepare for the challenges of parenting and children often come as a shock. Where a couple brings up their children, clear discipline principles must be set to minimise confusion.
Confusion is compounded by the fact that you and your spouse were parented differently, the result of which are diverse perception of values. It is like an employee, who receives contradicting instructions from two supervisors. Your principles and values should be harmonised before children learn them. Lets explore how best to minimise double standards of discipline:
You must teach these values patiently, lovingly and consistently every day to become part of the child’s character.
jwagwau@newvision.co.ug
077-631032