Help! My five-year-old child is so aggressive
Oct 29, 2005
DEAR Jamesa,<br>My five-year-old son enjoys inflicting pain on others. Playing badly and hurting others seems to be his hobby. I have talked to him with no results. Since he doesn’t heed my warnings, I now feel the need to pick a stick.
DEAR Jamesa,
My five-year-old son enjoys inflicting pain on others. Playing badly and hurting others seems to be his hobby. I have talked to him with no results. Since he doesn’t heed my warnings, I now feel the need to pick a stick.
Mulinda-Kampala
Dear Mulinda,
Your son is at a critical developmental stage. It is a stage of value acquisition and character formation.
Between the age of five to eight, children learn social behaviour that will last them throughout life. This explains why a child’s conduct is either molded or ruined during those early years. Before we look at your son’s behaviour, lets delve deeper into aggression as a character trait in children.
Albert Bandura’s social learning theory views aggression as a learnt behaviour which any child can acquire depending on environmental influence.
This means consistent exposure to violence or acts of aggression makes children to act aggressively towards others. Indeed, social psychologists also believe that children who watch scenes of violence tend to behave violently.
Mark Griffith in his book, Aggression and Violent Behaviour, argues that too much exposure to violence might make children become insensitive to other people’s feelings, lose touch with their own feelings and admire the ‘scary world.’
One chief agent of violence that lives with us is television. Apparently, the films that excite children most are violent cartoons and wrestling. In spite of the thrill, most of these films contain an element of exaggeration, which might not be detected by children.
They watch, admire, identify with and act it out in its raw form. There are several reported incidences in the US, where children have shot their parents while trying to model film stars.
Do you leave your son at the mercy of TV? Is he a fan of wrestling and other programmes that depict scary scenes of violence, shooting or maiming? His desire to inflict pain on others could be an ‘experimentation’ of what he has learnt.
Could your son be using aggression to express anger or resolve conflict with playmates or does he use it to seek your attention?
Sometimes children get aggressive when neglected. Perhaps he has never learnt a constructive way of expressing anger. You too can model aggressive behaviour to your child unknowingly. Do you sometimes cane his siblings while he is watching? Lets explore how best your son’s case could be approached:
Watch your son closely and find out what causes him to react aggressively. Is it anger, frustration, self-defence or conflict resolution tactic? If it is anger, make him understand that being angry doesn’t give him a right to injure others.
In case your son has access to violent TV shows, films or games it should be stopped immediately. The more he gets exposed to violence; the more difficult it will be for you to tame him. Even programmes disguised as ‘cartoons’ on TV have explicit scenes of violence that could poison a young mind.
Spanking might be counterproductive. The use of a stick might be ‘sanctioning violence against violence.’ Use other methods of punishment like depriving him of treasured privileges like watching TV.
Reward him every time he resolves conflicts without violence. One way of teaching him social skills is by sparing time to play with him. As you play, express your acceptance by cuddling or hugging him. Did you know that love is a powerful tool in taming a human being? Your tenderness and acceptance will mold him to love others.
If violence gets entrenched in your son’s character beyond the age of seven, you may not uproot it easily. You better parent your child or else the environment will do it for you.
jwagwau@newvision.co.ug
My five-year-old son enjoys inflicting pain on others. Playing badly and hurting others seems to be his hobby. I have talked to him with no results. Since he doesn’t heed my warnings, I now feel the need to pick a stick.
Mulinda-Kampala
Dear Mulinda,
Your son is at a critical developmental stage. It is a stage of value acquisition and character formation.
Between the age of five to eight, children learn social behaviour that will last them throughout life. This explains why a child’s conduct is either molded or ruined during those early years. Before we look at your son’s behaviour, lets delve deeper into aggression as a character trait in children.
Albert Bandura’s social learning theory views aggression as a learnt behaviour which any child can acquire depending on environmental influence.
This means consistent exposure to violence or acts of aggression makes children to act aggressively towards others. Indeed, social psychologists also believe that children who watch scenes of violence tend to behave violently.
Mark Griffith in his book, Aggression and Violent Behaviour, argues that too much exposure to violence might make children become insensitive to other people’s feelings, lose touch with their own feelings and admire the ‘scary world.’
One chief agent of violence that lives with us is television. Apparently, the films that excite children most are violent cartoons and wrestling. In spite of the thrill, most of these films contain an element of exaggeration, which might not be detected by children.
They watch, admire, identify with and act it out in its raw form. There are several reported incidences in the US, where children have shot their parents while trying to model film stars.
Do you leave your son at the mercy of TV? Is he a fan of wrestling and other programmes that depict scary scenes of violence, shooting or maiming? His desire to inflict pain on others could be an ‘experimentation’ of what he has learnt.
Could your son be using aggression to express anger or resolve conflict with playmates or does he use it to seek your attention?
Sometimes children get aggressive when neglected. Perhaps he has never learnt a constructive way of expressing anger. You too can model aggressive behaviour to your child unknowingly. Do you sometimes cane his siblings while he is watching? Lets explore how best your son’s case could be approached:
Reward him every time he resolves conflicts without violence. One way of teaching him social skills is by sparing time to play with him. As you play, express your acceptance by cuddling or hugging him. Did you know that love is a powerful tool in taming a human being? Your tenderness and acceptance will mold him to love others.
If violence gets entrenched in your son’s character beyond the age of seven, you may not uproot it easily. You better parent your child or else the environment will do it for you.
jwagwau@newvision.co.ug