Father-son: Two bulls in a kraal?

Shared territory not bad for all

Like the like poles of two magnets would repel each other, the males in a family seem to clash more than the proverbial two bulls in a kraal. Tina Turyagyenda set out to find out why rivalry exists between the two. She discovers some to whom this rule does not apply and others who think she is asking the obvious.

By Tina Turyagyenda

IT’S hard enough for some fathers and sons to exist in the same world, no matter how far apart the corners are. Yet, some fathers and sons live and work together – by choice – and get on like the proverbial peas.

Explaining how much influence he thinks he was in his son’s choice to become a lawyer like him, former MP Elly Karuhanga said last year,

“He grew up in a house where there was always talk about the law, the books are law books... Even my contribution in Parliament was legalistic. It rubs onto the people close to you. Soldiers’ sons want to be soldiers and doctors’ daughters to be doctors.”

Indeed, there are many other famous fathers whose sons have gone into the same field or work in the same organisation.

Singer Gerald Levert is an achiever in his own right. He’ll even step in for his father sometimes and get the fans just as thrilled. Yet there are those who insist on calling him “Eddie Levert’s son”. Luckily for them, this has not daunted them in their separate and joint achievements.

US President George W. Bush has his every move compared to his father former president Bush. Cynics say that the current president has his father’s phone number on speed dial – as if there is anything wrong with asking an experienced man for advice, especially when that man is your father!

“He cannot be seen to be relying on his father, as it tends to reinforce the doubts that people have about his own fitness for the job,” White House insiders have said. The elder Bush declared his intention to stay out of his son’s business during the younger Bush’s presidential campaign swing in 1999.

“I think it’s better to let George now make his own way, which he seems to be doing very, very well.”

And so, “like father, like son” is not always a positive thing, even when it’s about incredible achievements and not a family of serial killers. It could have an undertone of competition – one party trying not to be in the shadow of the other. Yet, for some relationships, the two bulls in the kraal are on amazingly good terms.

The idea of father-son conflict is totally incomprehensible to construction mogul Andrew Kasagga of Zzimwe Construction Company, for example.

“Conflict with my son – which son?” he asked. I explained again that I was not stating a fact – just wondering how he manages to work with his son and if the other side of their relationship does not affect the work, or the work affect the blood relationship.

“But he is my son!” Kasagga announced, obviously perplexed at the idea. “We work as a team. What conflicts would there be?”

Listening to Prof. Frederick Ssempebwa and his son Arthur, you figure it’s a matter of attitude. The Constitutional Review Commission chairman is also a partner in Katende and Ssempebwa Company Advocates, the law firm that employs his lawyer son Arthur.

According to Arthur, working with his father has not affected them in anyway. If anything, it has brought them closer on another level – the professional one.

“I don’t feel any pressure on me because of my father’s achievements,” Arthur says of the man who in addition to being his father, is one of Uganda’s best known Senior Counsels. “He lets me do my own thing, but he encourages me to talk to him if I should need any advice.”

The two are therefore not competing. Arthur knows that there is time enough for him to make his own name – a chance that his father also wants to give him.

“I haven’t worked with Arthur very long,” says Prof. Ssempebwa, “But however short that time, it has not in any way affected us. Arthur is an adult and I treat him as such.”

Most importantly, Ssempebwa thinks that he and his son are friends – “In fact we are friends. You’d have to ask him if he feels that I put on pressure on him, but I don’t think so. He chose to study law…”

Retired Bishop Ernest Shalita didn’t immediately agree with his youngest son, Rev. Steven Shalita, who wanted to train for priesthood much earlier than when he actually did, but when he consulted his father, he didn’t encourage him.

“I didn’t think that it was the right step for him to take at the time,” the retired Bishop said in a past interview. “Being a priest comes with its challenges and I told him to first go into the world, get experience in other fields and then he’d be able to make up his mind.”

That, perhaps, should have been the start of trouble. But Steven followed his father’s advice and eventually stuck with his calling. Now his father says of him:

“We share the same attitude when it comes to management and administration - we are not swayed by the wind. As long as something is right, we stick by it.”

And Steven says of his father: “Growing up with my father was a challenge. He was rarely available… Later on, when I got married and became “a man”, it was easier to talk to him. We can discuss all manner of issues.

And so, while history is full of father-son conflict tales, it is possible to have a world where Absalom won’t try to oust King David or as in the Greek myth, Oedipus kill his father Laius. And it could have results as wonderful as the relationship.

According to Bank of Uganda’s Tony Mutiibwa, it’s about knowing where the limits are and not crossing them, even if you may not always agree. His father, Prof. Phares Mutiibwa is a consultant with the Central Bank, but their paths never cross at work.

“It’s a situation where we don’t interact at work at all. Even when we are talking, it’s not mentioned at all!” But if they were working together directly, he thinks that they would still get on well: “My goodness, we talk like we are the same age! My father has let me be independent, even if some things may be unorthodox in his opinion.

He may not always agree with what I choose to do, but he wouldn’t give me advice I haven’t asked for. He has always allowed me to be a free thinker!”