When grandfathers have to be mothers

FOUR of his six wives have died of AIDS-related illnesses since 1996. Now Clement Matovu, 47, has the enormous task of taking care of 13 children in his home in Kalungi village, Kakuuto county, Rakai district.
The two other wives are not with him. Matovu does not consider one of them his wife, because since she left her two-and-a-half-year old son, she has never come back.
“She could be dead. Our child is now 10 years old,” he says pointing at the child.
The other surviving woman also left for her relatives’ place, sick.
“When my wives died, I had to stay with my children in this poverty. I nurture them, yet I also often fall sick. AIDS took my dear friends (wives). I am having a difficult task at hand,” he says.
“I am also waiting for my time to die. I went for a blood test last year, after wondering why my wives were dying and tested HIV positive,” adds Matovu.
Looking after children is a demanding task for Matovu: “I cannot cope; there is sickness, feeding, school…it is all challenging. I have to look for school fees, yet at the same time I must look for food.
“I am a fisherman. I used to go to Kasensero landing site (which is 46 miles away from his home) to fish while my wives would dig and harvest food for the children. I can no longer go fishing because I have to look after these young ones,” he says.
His children aged between five and 16 all look up to him. The five oldest ones go to school while he stays home to look after the younger ones that are difficult to differentiate by age.
This change in lifestyle means that Matovu had to lose his monthly income of between sh150,000 and sh300,000.
The task of looking after children is generally speaking a woman’s task in our African context. However, with the HIV/AIDS pandemic, mothers have died. Some men have gone ahead and married other wives or the task of nurturing children has been extended to grandmothers or even aunts.
However, there are those like Matovu, who have nowhere to run, but take on the daunting task.
“I had no idea what goes on when the children fall sick,” says Matovu.
“I have found that a difficult task. Their mothers used to look for local herbs to treat the children. I have no knowledge about herbs; I have to spend money.
“There is no woman I can run to, to share my challenges.
“At the same time I cannot think about getting another wife because I am not certain of my future. My health is not well. I don’t simply want to marry someone that I will have to live behind as a widow.”
Fred Kaweesi, 52, has seven children to cater for (two of whom are in S1, two in P6, one in P5 and two in P2).
“The greatest problem is that since my wife died on January 30, I can no longer do any work because every 1.00 o’clock the children come back from school for lunch,” he says.
“I am a subsistence farmer, but I could take off some food for sale to meet our household needs. Now I have to keep at home.
“There’s no one to help me with the chores I was never used to – having to look for food, cook, fend for the children when they are sick, and clothe them! My wife used to cater for all that,” he laments.
As the fathers contemplate on what has befallen them, grandfathers have also been caught up in the web.
Crispino Kaggwa of Kitente village, Kakuuto County in Rakai district, was peeling potatoes with two of his grandchildren. He does not know his age, but says he was born during the reign of Kabaka Chwa.
The potatoes Kaggwa was peeling were for lunch so that his two other grandchildren find food at home.
His four children died of AIDS-related causes and his wife died last year, leaving him with their young grandchildren.
He has no idea about the grandchildren’s fathers “because they were born out of wedlock.”
“I am an old man. My only luck now is that World Vision recently registered my grandchildren so they will support them in school,” says Kaggwa.
But as the men discuss their challenges, children too have their troubles.
Says Proscovia, 12, “My mum died when I was eight. I cannot be happy when it is not mummy looking after me.
“Whenever they would tell her that I am not feeling well at school, she would hurry to come and check on me, but dad first quarrels and argues a lot before thinking about me. I do not look as healthy as I was with mummy around.”
Mujjuga, 15, “Mum would wake up early to prepare breakfast and pack lunch for us to go with to school. Now with dad, we do most of the house chores.
“We even fetch firewood to take to school every Tuesday, yet mum would collect and pack the firewood for us, ready to pick and take to school.
“I would prefer to have a mother look after me and see me grow. Dad keeps a lot to himself…We only talk with him about basic needs like books, to which he quickly responds.
“We hardly share our inner feelings,” says Mujjuga.
Dr. Robert Mayanja, the District Director of Health Services in Rakai district says that: “One thing that is very crucial within the setting is that if the men are alone, the health care seems to be minimized. Children who are cared for by fathers alone are likely to come in with more severe forms of every infection because fathers don’t detect infections earlier compared to women. We are likely to have more severe infections.”

“Another element is that when it is women taking the role of parenting, all resources will be channeled to the children. Men will marry another woman, take to drinking or concubines and therefore, children are left with meager resources.”
Veronica Nandutu, a World Vision project coordinator for the Rakai-Kauuto Area Development Programme says that the project has a number of widowers and old men looking after children solely as part of the more than 11,000 families they cater for in the district and that men have their own challenges.
“Men do not care for the children as the women do. They neglect them and make them go hungry.
“They (men) tend to neglect themselves as well; you find them, with jiggers and they end up infecting their children with the same,” she says.

The writer is a Fellow with the Makerere University IPH/CDC HIV Fellowship programme