Your words could destroy your child
May 30, 2004
A mother in my neighbourhood recently shocked me by the level of verbal abuse she delivered against her 10- year-old daughter. “Muzimu, musiru, gwe kisirani,†(demon, fool, you are a bad omen), she shouted as the girl bowed her head and shed tears.
A mother in my neighbourhood recently shocked me by the level of verbal abuse she delivered against her 10- year-old daughter. “Muzimu, musiru, gwe kisirani,†(demon, fool, you are a bad omen), she shouted as the girl bowed her head and shed tears.
Shortly after that, she assured her (the girl) that she was too stupid to make anything in life beyond being a house girl and a malaya (prostitute).
My heart bleeds at this level of child degradation and abuse. What value do we attach to our children? Do you see your child as a valuable being and a gift from God or ‘a bad omen’ in your life?
Few parents are aware of the impact words have on a child’s life. One writer states that words are ‘alive’ and that every word spoken has power to either build or destroy. Indeed our backgrounds and childhood experiences rule our lives.
When I was a child, my stepmother described me on many occasions as ‘a walking placenta’- I was that worthless! It has taken me over two decades to unshackle myself from the chains of those destructive words. Spoken or simply implied, criticism and verbal abuse of this nature is the most common cause of low self-esteem.
Psychologists believe that parents with low self-esteem particularly have a compulsive need to find faults with everything a child does.
Before you appreciate your child, you must first appreciate yourself. If you do not believe in yourself, you wouldn’t see anything positive in whatever your child does.
Acceptance begins inwards and flows outwards.
Sometimes children fail to match our standards but does that license you to brand him/her as a fool, dull, demon, and a- good- for- nothing rat? May be you have just found yourself uttering such verbal abuses whenever your child makes a mistake. I shall not blame you for that. Most of us are products of poor parenting styles and we parent our children in the same manner we were parented. You can fight this weakness and learn to accept your child as a gift and not a curse.
-Your child might have faults and weaknesses but that does not make him/her worthless, foolish or a ‘demon’. That child should be your ‘little darling.’ He/she needs your love, acceptance and care above all.
-Accepting and loving yourself lies at the root of loving your child. You might not love everything you do, but accept yourself because God accepts you. Children also feel the pinch of our words and to them, verbal abuse amounts to rejection.
-Yes, your child at times does what is not right, but what the child does is different from what he/she is. Just as God hates sin but loves the sinner, you too need to differentiate the child’s behaviour from the child as an individual.
As one writer observes that every child is a bundle of possibilities.
Indeed a child’ life is a ‘project’ which must be worked upon to its completion- you are the project manager. Should a project turn out worthless, the project manager is solely responsible and must share in its failure. What do you think?
Till next week, just take care of your words.
jamesawagwau@yahoo.co
+25677631032
Shortly after that, she assured her (the girl) that she was too stupid to make anything in life beyond being a house girl and a malaya (prostitute).
My heart bleeds at this level of child degradation and abuse. What value do we attach to our children? Do you see your child as a valuable being and a gift from God or ‘a bad omen’ in your life?
Few parents are aware of the impact words have on a child’s life. One writer states that words are ‘alive’ and that every word spoken has power to either build or destroy. Indeed our backgrounds and childhood experiences rule our lives.
When I was a child, my stepmother described me on many occasions as ‘a walking placenta’- I was that worthless! It has taken me over two decades to unshackle myself from the chains of those destructive words. Spoken or simply implied, criticism and verbal abuse of this nature is the most common cause of low self-esteem.
Psychologists believe that parents with low self-esteem particularly have a compulsive need to find faults with everything a child does.
Before you appreciate your child, you must first appreciate yourself. If you do not believe in yourself, you wouldn’t see anything positive in whatever your child does.
Acceptance begins inwards and flows outwards.
Sometimes children fail to match our standards but does that license you to brand him/her as a fool, dull, demon, and a- good- for- nothing rat? May be you have just found yourself uttering such verbal abuses whenever your child makes a mistake. I shall not blame you for that. Most of us are products of poor parenting styles and we parent our children in the same manner we were parented. You can fight this weakness and learn to accept your child as a gift and not a curse.
-Your child might have faults and weaknesses but that does not make him/her worthless, foolish or a ‘demon’. That child should be your ‘little darling.’ He/she needs your love, acceptance and care above all.
-Accepting and loving yourself lies at the root of loving your child. You might not love everything you do, but accept yourself because God accepts you. Children also feel the pinch of our words and to them, verbal abuse amounts to rejection.
-Yes, your child at times does what is not right, but what the child does is different from what he/she is. Just as God hates sin but loves the sinner, you too need to differentiate the child’s behaviour from the child as an individual.
As one writer observes that every child is a bundle of possibilities.
Indeed a child’ life is a ‘project’ which must be worked upon to its completion- you are the project manager. Should a project turn out worthless, the project manager is solely responsible and must share in its failure. What do you think?
Till next week, just take care of your words.
jamesawagwau@yahoo.co
+25677631032