Saggy meets Claus
Dec 21, 2004
I recently had an exclusive interview with one of the most famous characters of our time and all time. A more ballistic humanitarian and philanthropist (Santa Claus).
I recently had an exclusive interview with one of the most famous characters of our time and all time. A more ballistic humanitarian and philanthropist (Santa Claus).
You appear only once a year and them rampage peoples residences. Aren’t you scared that the DMI chaps would mistake you for a PRA operative?
Well, I am aware of that, that’s why I painted my skin white!
Santa, why did United Assurance Company have to get you to feature in their TV ad? Aren’t there good looking Ugandan models?
Don’t be stupid Saggy. That is KLAUS Hold-your-bum (Holderbaum) and not Santa KLAUS. Is that clear?
What gift would you give a guy like Joseph Kony for Christmas?
A well wrapped daisy-cutter, set to explode on contact with anything with dreadlocks!
Do you like politics?
I don’t do politics. I like to get along with everybody evenly. Of course I get a few requests from politicians, but Santa does not deliver votes. You can ask Semwogerere!
How do you manage to provide Mrs Holderbaum ooops I mean Mrs Claus with love? You really must have lots of energy.
Well, I visit the entire world in just one night! Mrs. Claus has been threatening to leave me for years, but somehow she sticks. Some people think I use juju kumbe wapi , ssi dogo banange nkuba ngoma! (some people think I use witchcraft, but this is not the case)
You have a big following among kids, can we trust you with them?
Ask my mentors Michael Jackson and R. Kelly, I am really good with kids, and yes, I use TRUST with them!
Do you ever put up a front to keep others from knowing the real Santa Claus?
Santa has a beard, but that is not to hide who he really is. I mean, how many other guys have the guts to wear a red velvet suit and hat? Ben Bella Illakut has tried, Vicks Kingo also but they cannot match my looks.
Santa, you seem to have an opinion on everything!
Well, that’s me. I am too brilliant. I have qualifications from many institutions some of which are actually legitimate!
Do you like being Santa Claus?
Yes, I command respect from just about everybody and most of the greats have come to me for something at one time another.
I remember the time little Gilbert Bukenya asked me for rain. I said ‘no,’ but that witch doctor in Masaka let him have it anyway.
Do you often meet unpredictable people?
Children are the most unpredictable. They pull my beard, wet my suit, and then ask for expensive computer toys their parents can’t afford. Adults are also very unpredictable. There is this guy who asked me to grant him Olubengo in 2001, I gave it to him and now he is asking for something called kisanja (I really don’t know what that means!)
Ends
You appear only once a year and them rampage peoples residences. Aren’t you scared that the DMI chaps would mistake you for a PRA operative?
Well, I am aware of that, that’s why I painted my skin white!
Santa, why did United Assurance Company have to get you to feature in their TV ad? Aren’t there good looking Ugandan models?
Don’t be stupid Saggy. That is KLAUS Hold-your-bum (Holderbaum) and not Santa KLAUS. Is that clear?
What gift would you give a guy like Joseph Kony for Christmas?
A well wrapped daisy-cutter, set to explode on contact with anything with dreadlocks!
Do you like politics?
I don’t do politics. I like to get along with everybody evenly. Of course I get a few requests from politicians, but Santa does not deliver votes. You can ask Semwogerere!
How do you manage to provide Mrs Holderbaum ooops I mean Mrs Claus with love? You really must have lots of energy.
Well, I visit the entire world in just one night! Mrs. Claus has been threatening to leave me for years, but somehow she sticks. Some people think I use juju kumbe wapi , ssi dogo banange nkuba ngoma! (some people think I use witchcraft, but this is not the case)
You have a big following among kids, can we trust you with them?
Ask my mentors Michael Jackson and R. Kelly, I am really good with kids, and yes, I use TRUST with them!
Do you ever put up a front to keep others from knowing the real Santa Claus?
Santa has a beard, but that is not to hide who he really is. I mean, how many other guys have the guts to wear a red velvet suit and hat? Ben Bella Illakut has tried, Vicks Kingo also but they cannot match my looks.
Santa, you seem to have an opinion on everything!
Well, that’s me. I am too brilliant. I have qualifications from many institutions some of which are actually legitimate!
Do you like being Santa Claus?
Yes, I command respect from just about everybody and most of the greats have come to me for something at one time another.
I remember the time little Gilbert Bukenya asked me for rain. I said ‘no,’ but that witch doctor in Masaka let him have it anyway.
Do you often meet unpredictable people?
Children are the most unpredictable. They pull my beard, wet my suit, and then ask for expensive computer toys their parents can’t afford. Adults are also very unpredictable. There is this guy who asked me to grant him Olubengo in 2001, I gave it to him and now he is asking for something called kisanja (I really don’t know what that means!)
Ends