Spare me insults on my wedding day

By Denis JjuukoBEING a bachelor or a spinster in our African culture is nothing to write home about. After attaining the rightful age (probably above 18), everybody will be expecting a stag party, a reception and what most people call the after party.I am not yet married and not too old for it, but whenever I go back to the village, all folks ask one question: “Ona wassa ddi?”( When are you getting married?) I have attended a couple of wedding receptions, and I am shocked at how some folks are so engrossed in throwing insults at the bridal party.I went to a wedding reception recently and as soon as the newly wed couple entered, some lady cuffed me at the shoulder and whispered “The bride is too old for the groom.” I nodded my head in approval, but that was just to avoid a heated argument with this forty-year old. In fact, I wanted to tell her that the groom knows why he chose his bride When your ex-lover attends your wedding, just know that you are in trouble. She will try to hijack the wedding by showing her funny face around every now and then. I was told of an ex-lover who contributed a lot in financial terms and convinced the groom that she has to serve on the high table during the reception. The bride in turn asked for a microphone and sang some love ballad to her groom as a counter attack. Sometime back I overheard a girl next to me in a reception hall telling another how she feels so sorry for the bride because the guy is second to none as far as womanising is concerned. And that is the reason as to why she refused to marry him. I wanted to tell her that people change, but then I remembered that I was eavesdropping.When it comes to eats and drinks, these guests will behave as if they had never seen colas, queen cakes or samosas. They will complain that they were given too little yet they contributed a lot. “How could they give me one bottle of soda, yet I gave them my money?” a lady was heard complaining recently after a wedding reception that took place in Makerere University’s Main Hall. When Kabaka Ronald Mutebi decided to put a ring on Lady Sylvia’s finger some few years back, some people who contributed but were not given special invitation cards complained. Who told them that a contribution is a guarantee to an invite? In fact, if you contribute to my wedding, do not get surprised when a card fails to fly up to your desk. Just have it in mind that your contribution was appreciated but there were more important people to invite. When it comes to clothes, they will not spare you. “Look at her, she is not smart. It seems she bought her wedding gown from Owino Market.” Recently a groom and his best man decided to go for the double breast suit jackets and some guy said that the groom must be full of maalo (rustic). He said that such jackets were for villagers and those people are behind the times. I will be getting married eight years from now, but if you get that chance of attending my wedding, please spare me those insults. Oh! I have remembered it will be a secret wedding on a certain island off the Atlantic Ocean.