Who Said Age Is Just A Number?
GIRLS, tell me — is there a line you hate to hear more than “age is just a number!†(I got goose bumps typing that in, just knowing that something so cliché actually went through my mind.
As Soon As I Say That I Am ** Years Old (Ha!), That Type Of Man Is Sure To Add A Few Years To That
By Tina Turyagyenda
GIRLS, tell me — is there a line you hate to hear more than “age is just a number!†(I got goose bumps typing that in, just knowing that something so cliché actually went through my mind. Not good for my writing career at all, but I’ll get over that). What I won’t get over, now or ever is that line (Now I cannot blank it out of my memory — aaaagh!)
It is as corny as lines come, but hand it to some men. Every once in a while, during your very first date, he’s going to be unable to resist the temptation. You have gone over what he does and what you do. He has told you he loves your articles, even though he did not know that primarily you write for Sunday Vision.
He thinks, that he is being clever. So you do not bring him down as hard as a hailstorm. Besides, it does feel nice to know that this nice-looking chap will lie to be your friend. Or whatever it is he wants (I wonder what he really wants). A man who lies to get what he wants, wants it that bad, is the way I see it.
Anyway, you leave that subject and it’s all really going well. You know his favourite food, his mother’s name, where he lives... And then, just as you begin to feel you have known him all your life and in the lives before that, he asks how old you are, “if you don’t mindâ€.
“What do you mean if I don’t mind,†you ask calmly. You hope he will hear the sarcasm you have loaded onto that. Nope. Reason three to consider never having another date with the bastard. He cannot read your language, what’s the point? Number one was lack of tact and number two spoiling an otherwise lovely evening. You had ignored the crumb that lingered near his chin for a whole four minutes and 15 seconds before he noticed. Now you are disgusted again.
Up till that question, you had unconsciously tried to ignore how uncultivated the fellow is.
“At least he is not spitting his fish bones out onto the plate,†you consoled yourself. Now he asks a question that is none of his business and not as if there was a lack of things to talk about. There is always El Nino to fall back on.
Now you look around. Who saw you with him? Who will they tell? What’s the fastest way to get out of here and hopefully not with him in tow? To think that you switched off your phone so you wouldn’t interrupt your dinner. One ring would be the perfect saviour now...The man interrupts your prayer for a miracle.
“Don’t tell me you are like those other women, uncomfortable with telling me how old she is. My God, you know better... (Fill in that line, won’t write it again)â€
Now he’s done it. He is condescending. But first, he used that line and that’s just done it. Never, ever to be seen around him again. As soon as an excuse pops up to leave before dessert.
He will probably think you hate sweets because “Are you dieting?†(That’s another one, never a thought about how your taste buds feel about these things.)
For starters, he doesn’t even have the creativity to find another way to use that line, but mostly, age is not just a number or the phrase would never have come up in the first place.
As soon as I say that I am ** years old (ha!), that type of man is sure to add a few years to that. “Women never tell the truth when it comes to their age.†Why, if you’re going to think we’re lying anyway? Then you’re going to draw conclusions about me looking 30 when I say I’m 17, but then you’ll come up with another overused one:
“You can’t be 30! You look 17â€. Thank you very much. I’ll take it that you mean that I look youthful, not immature in any way. Like
I cannot see the stupid glint of amusement in your eyes. You think that overused flattery exhilarated me into blindness or what?
Even you believed that I am 30 and not 28, I couldn’t care less. You’re not my gyn or doctor — the only people I’d ever feel compelled to tell the truth about when I was really born. And it’s not like on this first date we are looking at forever — especially not now — and your mother wouldn’t want you to marry an older woman. I see absolutely no relevance in you having this information. I think you’ll much more need my doctor’s number when I get sick — like I think I’m going to be, sitting across from you and listening to you spew rubbish, heap after heap.
Listen, if you are going to be around a woman long enough for her age to be of any importance to you, then you’ll never have to ask her. Little details of her life will keep coming up and you will piece it together all in good time.
She’ll tell you she never repeated a class. She’ll unknowingly say how old she was in P.3 and you’ll know how many years she spent at university. If it bugs you so much, work it out then! You’ll get a more accurate answer then, than if she told you the truth and you started wondering whether to add two years to that. Unless you do not have a good head for numbers, but people who use such lines do not have a good head for much, do they?
I know, I know. You’re probably wondering why I’m making a big deal out of this. And how old I am. Uhhmm... You wish! And don’t use that sad line on me. Ends
By Tina Turyagyenda
GIRLS, tell me — is there a line you hate to hear more than “age is just a number!†(I got goose bumps typing that in, just knowing that something so cliché actually went through my mind. Not good for my writing career at all, but I’ll get over that). What I won’t get over, now or ever is that line (Now I cannot blank it out of my memory — aaaagh!)
It is as corny as lines come, but hand it to some men. Every once in a while, during your very first date, he’s going to be unable to resist the temptation. You have gone over what he does and what you do. He has told you he loves your articles, even though he did not know that primarily you write for Sunday Vision.
He thinks, that he is being clever. So you do not bring him down as hard as a hailstorm. Besides, it does feel nice to know that this nice-looking chap will lie to be your friend. Or whatever it is he wants (I wonder what he really wants). A man who lies to get what he wants, wants it that bad, is the way I see it.
Anyway, you leave that subject and it’s all really going well. You know his favourite food, his mother’s name, where he lives... And then, just as you begin to feel you have known him all your life and in the lives before that, he asks how old you are, “if you don’t mindâ€.
“What do you mean if I don’t mind,†you ask calmly. You hope he will hear the sarcasm you have loaded onto that. Nope. Reason three to consider never having another date with the bastard. He cannot read your language, what’s the point? Number one was lack of tact and number two spoiling an otherwise lovely evening. You had ignored the crumb that lingered near his chin for a whole four minutes and 15 seconds before he noticed. Now you are disgusted again.
Up till that question, you had unconsciously tried to ignore how uncultivated the fellow is.
“At least he is not spitting his fish bones out onto the plate,†you consoled yourself. Now he asks a question that is none of his business and not as if there was a lack of things to talk about. There is always El Nino to fall back on.
Now you look around. Who saw you with him? Who will they tell? What’s the fastest way to get out of here and hopefully not with him in tow? To think that you switched off your phone so you wouldn’t interrupt your dinner. One ring would be the perfect saviour now...The man interrupts your prayer for a miracle.
“Don’t tell me you are like those other women, uncomfortable with telling me how old she is. My God, you know better... (Fill in that line, won’t write it again)â€
Now he’s done it. He is condescending. But first, he used that line and that’s just done it. Never, ever to be seen around him again. As soon as an excuse pops up to leave before dessert.
He will probably think you hate sweets because “Are you dieting?†(That’s another one, never a thought about how your taste buds feel about these things.)
For starters, he doesn’t even have the creativity to find another way to use that line, but mostly, age is not just a number or the phrase would never have come up in the first place.
As soon as I say that I am ** years old (ha!), that type of man is sure to add a few years to that. “Women never tell the truth when it comes to their age.†Why, if you’re going to think we’re lying anyway? Then you’re going to draw conclusions about me looking 30 when I say I’m 17, but then you’ll come up with another overused one:
“You can’t be 30! You look 17â€. Thank you very much. I’ll take it that you mean that I look youthful, not immature in any way. Like
I cannot see the stupid glint of amusement in your eyes. You think that overused flattery exhilarated me into blindness or what?
Even you believed that I am 30 and not 28, I couldn’t care less. You’re not my gyn or doctor — the only people I’d ever feel compelled to tell the truth about when I was really born. And it’s not like on this first date we are looking at forever — especially not now — and your mother wouldn’t want you to marry an older woman. I see absolutely no relevance in you having this information. I think you’ll much more need my doctor’s number when I get sick — like I think I’m going to be, sitting across from you and listening to you spew rubbish, heap after heap.
Listen, if you are going to be around a woman long enough for her age to be of any importance to you, then you’ll never have to ask her. Little details of her life will keep coming up and you will piece it together all in good time.
She’ll tell you she never repeated a class. She’ll unknowingly say how old she was in P.3 and you’ll know how many years she spent at university. If it bugs you so much, work it out then! You’ll get a more accurate answer then, than if she told you the truth and you started wondering whether to add two years to that. Unless you do not have a good head for numbers, but people who use such lines do not have a good head for much, do they?
I know, I know. You’re probably wondering why I’m making a big deal out of this. And how old I am. Uhhmm... You wish! And don’t use that sad line on me. Ends