The Kakande family gives Uganda the best

By Gawaya Tegulle When I rang Prof. Ignatius Kakande to inform him that his son Joseph Kakande Kagga had emerged one of the best in the country, and I wanted to interview him, I didn't hear the screams of joy typical of other parents in a similar situation. He merely grunted "Eh?". Nothing more. The pause at his end of the line gave me a clear message: man, tell me something more interesting! I repeated my message thinking he hadn't got me clearly. Further silence, the man seemed bored. It was much later that I understood why. The veteran surgeon and his wife who is a nurse have seven kids who have made topping their classes (and for two of them, their country) a lifestyle. First-born Barbara Nakitto is a medical doctor at Nsambya hospital. Number two Betty Nanfuka is an intern doctor at the same hospital. Anne Nakakande is a fourth year, student of Architecture at Makerere University. The twins, Mary Babirye and Josephine Nakato who come number four are in their first year engineering and social sciences respectively at the same university. Nakato came second in the whole country in the O' level exams and then emerged best science student at A' level with four A's in physics, chemistry, mathematics and French. All the girls have gone through Mt. St. Mary's Namagunga, arguably, the best girls' school in the country. From St. Mary's College, Kisubi, their junior Joseph Kagga proved his own point when he emerged best in Mpigi district and one of the best in the country. The baby, Charles Kibirige is also at Kisubi, making very strong statements of his own. In short, for Prof. Kakande, the news I was breaking was some old story that proves history repeats itself and lightning can strike twice. Prof. Kakande is a serene 59-year old who seldom laughs, but makes up for it by beaming brightly at everyone, exuding a calm delight while saying nothing unless seriously probed. Even when the happiness of everybody else at the news of Joseph became too much for him, he simply bounced around the room speechlessly, looking busy but doing really nothing. His wife Bridget Kakande, a nurse at Makerere University Hospital is the exact opposite. She talks enough for both of them, is quick on her feet and busy as a bee. She laughed pleasantly nearly all the time we were there, while packing our table with food and fruit enough for a crowd. Ignatius and Bridget Kakande flock together chiefly because they are birds of the same feather. She was his first girl-friend and he her first boy-friend. Reason was that Bridget who went through Trinity College Nabbingo before joining Mulago School of Nursing where they met, had a mind to become a nun. So she kept her distance from boys. That is why in the 1960's while in S.3 at Nabbingo, her friend Mary introduced her to her cousin Ignatius who was looking for a girl friend, Mary fled before he had reached the school gate. Ignatius, who had a very strong religious background had never had interest in girls and completed medical school without a girlfriend. For his trouble he was nicknamed "the Pope". But frequent meetings, starting in 1970 in the wards, between the student nurse and intern, led to a casual friendship. Two years later they decided it was not enough to only meet, sip coffee and discuss the weather and how much she resembled her mother. They became engaged in October 1972 and married on December 30, 1972. Marriage and family life has not been exactly a day at the beach. True, love has always been in surplus. But trials have paid the family a visit quite regularly. First they had to flee into Kenyan exile in 1977 when Idi Amin got tough. Then there was the lack of a boy-child. When Barbara came, everyone called her a cute little girl. Then came Betty, eyebrows were raised, but only briefly. Then came Anne, and concern turned to alarm. "From then on I started praying very hard for a boy," says Mrs. Kakande. God's answer was incredulous: twin girls! They were loved alright but the need for a gender-balanced family was glaring. The lack of a boy-child became a wound that pained whenever it was poked by the birth of yet another a girl. Finally in 1984 excitement took on new definitions when a boy Joseph, was born; a breath of fresh air into an atmosphere clogged with despair. The season of mirth was prolonged by a subsequent birth in 1986 of Charles. Two boys! The Kakandes were keyed up real good. But the celebrations were curtailed by the worst news possible. Charles had a huge hole in his heart and would not live. Three days after birth he suffered heart failure and the world came tumbling down. Only open-heart surgery could save him, but there was no money for that kind of thing. Government had no obligation to help a foreigner in such circumstances. In answer to their most intensive prayer, strangers bailed them out and in 1987 Charles went through 10 hours of surgery in an Italian hospital, the beginning of a six-week treatment. After struggling for a few months Charles became stronger and he is now in S.2 at Kisubi, with nothing linking him to his terrible experience. "With faith in God all things are possible," says Mrs. Kakande. Because of his medical history and his last-born credentials, Charles is the darling of the family and benefits from special attention from all corners. What is the secret of the Kakandes' success? There is no written Constitution in the home, but lots of advice and guidelines. The Kakandes have not dared leave the kids to live their own lives. "We admire the Kennedy family of the United States," says Kakande. "We always challenge the kids to emulate them. Of course they don't like it and often accuse me of trying to make a name for myself. But I tell them it is for their own good to read hard and aim high." Mr. Kakande maintains there is no genius in the family; the success is the product of a deliberate effort to make it. "Success is 50% God, 30% discipline and hard work and 20% parental support and the little intelligence that they may have," he says. "Dad and mom gave us everything we wanted at school," says the architect-to-be. Both parents visit the children regularly, maintain a special relationship with the teachers to monitor the performance of the kids and make church a second home. "We have made them believe in God. Before an exam we all go for mass that morning," says Mrs. Kakande. "We encourage them to pray a lot even during the exam when things get tough." "We are also open to them. We see them like our brothers and sisters. We love them, they love us, they love each other and we love each other too." In primary school the parents - mostly mom, because dad was too busy - helped the kids with homework. Television was allowed, but limited to Christian and non-violent or obscene programmes. Unnecessary movement was forbidden. Strict discipline was enforced, so there was never a discipline problem at school. Many a teacher has the misfortune of helping other people's kids to excel while his own become lumpens. But Kakande a lecturer in Makerere University medical school is grateful that while the likes of Vice President Dr. Specioza Kazibwe and Health Minister Dr. Crispus Kiyonga have gone through his class, his own children are doing real nice as well. That both parents went through school without lovers is a lesson the Kakandes hold out for their children as a way to ensure that academic achievement is not messed up by hectic love-lives. Boy and girl-friends are not really forbidden. But the kids have been told to do first things first; not mix them up. For now they are encouraged to have lots of friends with no strings attached, who will not fear to visit home. All this is until they finish campus. After that, the Kakande's hope, the firm foundation laid in childhood will support them through the sometimes bumpy and blistering road of relationships. Kakande Tips on parenting lLet the children know God while still young. Church yields better results than the discotheque. lGive all you can to your children - maximum love, support, sacrifice and time. Spend a lot of time with the children. lTeach them by example. lListen to their problems and complaints. l Be your children's best and most trusted friend. Be open and approachable. l Emphasise discipline; don't compromise on this. l Establish contact and maintain a close relationship with their teachers. l Attend all school activities. Visiting day, open day, parents meetings, among others. l Fathers should not leave the children to only the mothers - be one unit in bringing up the children. lThink of the children before yourselves. lCultivate peace in the home. Make it a love nest, not a battlefield. lGive them what they ask for if you can and if it will help them to perform better in school. l Let them start reading (good books, please) while still very young. The more they read, the better their performance. lNotice their talents while they are still young and encourage them to develop them - you never know. l Teach the children to value and manage time real well. If it is time for food; eat; books, read; games, play. And keep time. lDon't compromise their feeding; it must be good and optimally balanced. lBut most of all, bring them up as God-fearing children. Build their faith and confidence in God. Without this all the others won't help much. Ends