High school sweethearts

Jun 28, 2001

TO most people, high school relationships are either a memory to cherish or loathe.

TO most people, high school relationships are either a memory to cherish or loathe. But, for a few, teenage loves now called boy/girl relationships, college or high school sweethearts have transcended the times, blossoming into the real thing. For retiring attorney general Bart Katureebe, re-known uncle George (former Makerere Dean of students) George Kihuguru, Dr. Sam Luboga (lecturer at Makerere University, School of Medicine), Iron lady Cecilia Ogwal, the Pintos (Emmanuel and wife Rosemary) and Pastor Kayanja's wife Jessica, their marriages are fruits of what was almost an innocent crush on their respective partners. Marriage counsellor, Theodora Nirigiye says there're three categories of such teenage loves, which may prosper to maturity but the most successful ones, start as platonic friendships. Its most possible in cases where children have parental support for their friendship and are very open about them. Others grow close through their associations like clubs, the same neighbourhood or fellowship. Kihuguru, Managing Director AES Nile Power says, "As you grow up, your interests and feelings for each other change so much, the kind of love shared moves from the more physical feeling to a sense of belonging, friendship and total interdependence." He met Joyce his wife, in 1951 and knew he had got himself a wife. On May 6 this year they clocked 40 years in marriage and he does not agree that either has outgrown the other. Such situations come up when men start looking at younger girls otherwise both of you grow together more in whatever you experience. "The first time I saw her, I got attracted to her and sort of made my mind to marry her. Apart from her physical beauty, I discovered that she was saved," he dearly talks of the wife. He says though he knew a born again woman would be an insurance for sustainable marriage, he wasn't saved and didn't want to be at the time. He supposes it may have been pride that made him think it unnecessary for him a non-smoker, non-drinker, not so keen on women to be saved. Indeed this religious difference was the major hurdle in their ten-year courtship. After sorting each other's differences, consolidating their attraction and feelings for each other, they tied the knot at St. Francis Chapel Makerere in 1961. Kihuguru first saw her at a school debate between Kyebambe girls and Nyakasura School. Though he didn't mention it to her then and received no replies for all the letters he wrote that year, his second chance came in 1952 when they met again at Makerere College for National singing competitions. So what has kept them going for so long after all the hardships marriage brings along? "Her being saved helped, I made sure I kept the promises I made to her (ensuring she does not regret marrying me and getting saved in the long run), and their children. Communicating with a girl in their times was an uphill task because you were not allowed to be seen in public with members of the opposite sex but your relatives. "If you had to visit, your parents had to be aware of where you were going. But worst of all, school authorities would read through any suspicious mail and decide whether it gets to the intended receiver or not." Bart Katureebe's case is not different. Like they say love comes in mysterious ways, 19-year-old Bart in 1969, had just completed S.5. in Namilyango going home in Bunyaruguru for Christmas holidays when he met 14-year-old Bernadette Koburungi, a naive senior one student from Trinity College Nabbingo. Bart says something, snapped in him and he could only think of marrying her. Bernadette remembers that journey as worthwhile and interesting. "It was adventurous, he was very cheerful, tried to be one of us though I became sort of suspicious because our parents had warned us against getting close to guys unless they were relatives." Bart started writing her successive friendly letters since that Christmas without replies resulting into a bout of depression. The lady, under the pretext of being a poor writer made her first reply three years later. The Katureebes have managed to persevere in 34 years of marriage. They share interests in drama, mutual love, trust, friendship, interests but most of all, their off springs and strong family ties. "We have lived a modest lifestyle, faced general crises like sickness, school fees, death, debt and poverty like any other families but kept together because of what we have. Strong family ties contribute a lot to one's relationship," he said. While she calls him Bart, he has got a variety to choose from depending on the mood, Akiiki, Koburungi or Bernadette. Anita Shakira, a qualified marriage counsellor still pursuing studies in sociology and currently doing research on teenage girls says: "High school affairs are not really necessary. This is because a relationship is so demanding and it would disorganise one's studies at that stage." This does not go for Dr. Sam Luboga who's been married and still affords to sound and look 'newly married' in his 29-year-old marriage. He says, "marrying Christine has helped both of us get all our degrees and to excel because we feel accountable to each other, have to defy failure for fear of shaming your partner." Sam and Christine were in S.5. in 1968 when they met at a science fare in Kyambogo from St Mary's College Kisubi and Christine Luboga in Gayaza High School. He noticed her, befriended her whole group before he could get a chance to talk to her alone. Back at school he simply wrote saying he wanted to be her friend only to receive a negative reply. An amused look attacks his face as he ponders on the irony of the words with the present situation. He says the rejection didn't deter him, he maintained a friendly status and actually pushed on knowing he was in for a challenge. Later after meeting in Makerere University, he realised he admired her attributes more. Small things like jumping a height hurdle, smiling generously to the cultural gestures like kneeling to greet. This gesture was different at a time when university girls were considered too learned for good manners and it drew Sam closer to Christine even more than the initial attraction. Christine, says that attraction to someone changes over time as you both grow older. "When you live with someone, the values change and it becomes deeper." They are also Christians and he pities today's generation for the way they run into devouring/consummating each other pre-emptying the marriage package only to leave nothing but despair and boredom once they marry. Although Mrs Nirigiye acknowledges that a very small percentage identify their future partner as soon as they set eyes on them exists, it rarely grows because they will in the long run realise what they fell for does not matter most. "There are so many aspects for marrying someone and it cannot be physical only otherwise one will change his mind after seeing someone else with similar or better physical features since the two of you are still growing," she says. She adds marriage is a very important situation and would only succeed with a foundation of friendship after all attributes like one's background, health status, apart from looks, have been weighed. Other amazing couples that have kept together are the Pintos who met on a bus in 1959 when Manuel 17 had just finished studies as a teacher and the wife 16 was still a high school student in Tanzania. Although it was pure love at first sight for Manuel, Rosemary only remembers acknowledging his impressive height, handsome features and interesting personality. Pastor Kayanja fell for his wife at a family party when she was still in high school and actually befriended her mom before he even talked to her. He started visiting her at school until she completed university before declaring his intentions for her and being open about his feelings or else society's attitude towards a pastor suitor could sabotage his future marriage. At the end of the day, what all these couples have in common though is the fact that keeping together has not been a smooth run but rather a shared challenge.

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