Ugandan men on relationships?

SO what would two dozen men of Uganda descent talk about while sitting around a roaring campfire, under a moon-lit urban retreat located a scant thirty kilometers away from one of the busiest metropolis in the world? This question crossed my mind last Thursday when I got a call from a Uganda friend living in Toronto, asking me to join other men of Uganda descent for a two night retreat in a campground north of the city. My first reaction was that the entire idea did not sound politically correct with regard to gender equity. After all, have we not gotten away from the idea that women should toil at home while men enjoy beer or malwa or whatever in some drinking hole? Women have surely earned their place in society and can go wherever men are allowed to go. What’s more, it is a proven fact that when men of Uganda descent gather together, the occasion becomes a rich incubating ground for partisan politics. UPC, DP Movement...blah blah blah. Who needs the aggravation? However, my friend convinced me that this was different and that politics would not be on the menu. The added bonus for me was that the retreat was located in Aurora, a mere twelve kilometers from my doorsteps. Should I not like the gathering, I could always jog back home and forget about it. So, we agreed that my friend would pick me up Friday evening and we would stay through to Sunday. No cellular phones allowed. We arrived at the campsite after nine o’clock on Friday evening. Those who came earlier had built a huge campfire using thick maple logs. The faces around the fire came from a cross-section of the Uganda community in Toronto. Four doctors. A couple of lawyers. A half a dozen civil servants. An accountant. Two engineers. A veterinarian. An interior decorator. A computer system analyst. Several students. Social workers. Teachers. And more. The fragrant aroma of chicken and beefsteak rose enticingly from a round barbeque nearby. There was plenty of maize roasting on the open-fire. Someone remarked that it was just like being home in Uganda. The stories flowed easily as everyone relaxed with the help of cold beer or something stronger. It was well past three in morning before we turned into our tents to sleep away whatever remained of the night. The next morning, after a huge breakfast, we sat on logs to discuss issues pertaining to Uganda men in Toronto. It was reminiscent of elders sitting under a tree to chew on some issues. Here, surrounded by lush maple and pine trees, we were ready to face our problems head-on without fear of saying the wrong thing that might offend another. Surprising, when all the issues were listed on a chart-board, none was about past or current politics of Uganda. In fact, a surprising number of participants wanted to talk about relationships-relationships with spouses, relationships with children, relationships with extended families, relationships with fellow men and so forth. The discussion quickly centered on raising children in the Diaspora, a task the majority felt was made almost impossible by a system that encourages children to rebel against their parents. What do you do with the teenager who is failing in school and is heading straight to jail? Some people argued that the difficult problem child needs the support of the larger community, especially the support of extended family back in Uganda. When all else has failed, it may be better to send the child back to relatives in Uganda, said some of the participants. The supporters of this idea cited numerous examples of children who were on a one-way street to hell in North America, but who reformed into model citizens after being sent back home. Uganda, this group argued, provides a stricter environment for the problem child at great risk of self-destructing, probably by pushing drugs. Meanwhile, those opposed to the practice questioned the validity of the notion that Uganda straightens out unruly children. They argued that such a practice merely served to drive a wedge between parents and their children. The juicy part came in the afternoon when young single men got pointers on how to attract life-long partners. The veterans of marital bliss were almost unanimous on this-marry the woman you most respect and consider to be your friend than your lover. When you are madly in love, take time to get a clearer picture of the future before plunging yourself into the cauldron of marital woes. And so it was until the wee hours of Sunday morning, we told stories, looked at our education in Uganda, and reminisced about our parents-everyone had a mean father who never spared the rod, and a kind mother who was always ready to intervene.