I've never had sex, what should I do?
I am 20 and have never had sex. Recently, a girl called me to sleep over. I am so confused. I don’t want to let her down, but if I go, I may be tempted to have sex. What should I do?
Dear Dr,
I am 20 and have never had sex. Recently, a girl called me to sleep over. I am so confused. I don’t want to let her down, but if I go, I may be tempted to have sex. What should I do?
William
Dear William,
Having or not having sex is a personal decision. One may decide according to one’s religious, moral, cultural and other reasons. You are an adult. It is your decision. No one knows your conditions and circumstances better than yourself. Do not feel ‘pushed’ to make the decision. Another person may create circumstances for you to say yes, but it remains your decision. You have the right to sleep in the same bed with someone and not have sex! When you consciously make the decision, it reduces chances of feeling guilty or bad afterwards. Whatever decision you make, don’t forget to be safe. If you are not sure that you will have sex, still go with condoms. Being ready to protect yourself doesn’t mean you will decide one way or another.
Dear Dr,
I get a strange smell a few days after my periods. Is this normal? I would also like to know about love-making.
Lydia
The periods are the outward sign of changing hormones in a woman’s body. These hormones affect women in many different ways and one is how they smell or notice smells. This differs from person to person. It is likely that the changes of smell that you notice in yourself are normal. During adolescence, we start getting the sexual urge. Other people become attractive to us. We want to have sex and feel it as a desire. This is normal and natural. No one is born knowing about sex. Most people learn about it from friends, books, media, movies and other things. When one gets a partner, they get practical experience and one’s knowledge improves with time and practice. In Africa, we have a system of ssengas for the ladies, who act as sex counsellors. Do you have access to one? You can also buy a book about sex.
I am 20 and have never had sex. Recently, a girl called me to sleep over. I am so confused. I don’t want to let her down, but if I go, I may be tempted to have sex. What should I do?
William
Dear William,
Having or not having sex is a personal decision. One may decide according to one’s religious, moral, cultural and other reasons. You are an adult. It is your decision. No one knows your conditions and circumstances better than yourself. Do not feel ‘pushed’ to make the decision. Another person may create circumstances for you to say yes, but it remains your decision. You have the right to sleep in the same bed with someone and not have sex! When you consciously make the decision, it reduces chances of feeling guilty or bad afterwards. Whatever decision you make, don’t forget to be safe. If you are not sure that you will have sex, still go with condoms. Being ready to protect yourself doesn’t mean you will decide one way or another.
Dear Dr,
I get a strange smell a few days after my periods. Is this normal? I would also like to know about love-making.
Lydia
The periods are the outward sign of changing hormones in a woman’s body. These hormones affect women in many different ways and one is how they smell or notice smells. This differs from person to person. It is likely that the changes of smell that you notice in yourself are normal. During adolescence, we start getting the sexual urge. Other people become attractive to us. We want to have sex and feel it as a desire. This is normal and natural. No one is born knowing about sex. Most people learn about it from friends, books, media, movies and other things. When one gets a partner, they get practical experience and one’s knowledge improves with time and practice. In Africa, we have a system of ssengas for the ladies, who act as sex counsellors. Do you have access to one? You can also buy a book about sex.