The queen of Parliament is...
Feb 25, 2011
RIGHT now, I am so pissed off that if I don’t get some dose of humour, I may end up suing someone in the Electoral Commission.
By Hilary Bainemigisha
RIGHT now, I am so pissed off that if I don’t get some dose of humour, I may end up suing someone in the Electoral Commission.
I refuse to believe that Ugandans are thieves hiding behind clothes.
We are just comedians looking for scandals.
Remember that day in 2007, when news arrived at our Parliament that the queen of England was finally coming over? Our MPs decided to do a dress rehearsal of how they would embarrass her. They immediately found her equal in imperial majesty, in Catherine Mavenjina from Nebbi, to act as queen.
The good news is that the queen didn’t get to know. She would have taken back her CHOGM.
Take our Miss Uganda pageant for another instance: It started as a copycat from our colonial masters and transformed into a much bigger public scandal, where the winner is sometimes Senegalese (Salma Nassanga), when she is not a Briton (Maria Namiiro).
Or if, by coincidence, she turns out Ugandan, she cannot even distract a serial rapist from Kajura’s boring speech (names withheld)!
I am not a sadist. I know from the way the EC handled mayoral elections in Kampala on Wednesday, that we can do worse than this - unless I show you the direction.
That is why I have innovated a parliamentary beauty pageant before someone else comes up with my idea.
Voting is today. The elective post is Miss 9th Parliament.
Contestants are human species of the female gender whose pictures I have already got and the nominations are closed. Don’t get the impression, reading this informed verdict, that the major contribution of female MPs is to decorate the parliament with their beauty.
It is not. The main contribution of all our honourable MPs is to deplete our resources by earning money, eating more money and taking home even more money - without improving our household incomes – unless the MP comes from your household.
And the winner is … Sorry, the monopoly of Hon. Susan Nakawuki and Hon. Nabilah Naggayi Sempala has been broken by incoming whips! And if they don’t hurry to ‘see’ me, all the ballot boxes will be empty before the election begins. They have five minutes to do this.
The new parliament is once again dominated by testosterone emitting males, whose most attractive sexual feature is likely to be … I don’t know.
But, if you let them, they will find inspiration and motivation from their beautiful female colleagues. The neighbour’s beauty alone can improve the quality of debating.
And the winner is … By the way, this is the most impartial election by Uganda’s standards: No biographies, no speeches, no interview, no swimsuits, or evening wear or those weird fruits they use as clothing (a real excuse to leave certain parts exposed) and no consideration of those who returned the sh20m. And on my part, no legal qualification to bias the ‘people’s choice’.
The winner is … Rhona Rita Ninsiima, Independent from Kabale!
(Pause for applause)!
Any protest should be addressed through courts of law, especially if it is coming from Amelia Kyambadde (Mawokota North) or Mariam Nalubega (Butambala Woman).
Don’t worry if you are an MP and have been deemed uglier; the consolation is that you are a lot smarter than the person who has read up to this point.
RIGHT now, I am so pissed off that if I don’t get some dose of humour, I may end up suing someone in the Electoral Commission.
I refuse to believe that Ugandans are thieves hiding behind clothes.
We are just comedians looking for scandals.
Remember that day in 2007, when news arrived at our Parliament that the queen of England was finally coming over? Our MPs decided to do a dress rehearsal of how they would embarrass her. They immediately found her equal in imperial majesty, in Catherine Mavenjina from Nebbi, to act as queen.
The good news is that the queen didn’t get to know. She would have taken back her CHOGM.
Take our Miss Uganda pageant for another instance: It started as a copycat from our colonial masters and transformed into a much bigger public scandal, where the winner is sometimes Senegalese (Salma Nassanga), when she is not a Briton (Maria Namiiro).
Or if, by coincidence, she turns out Ugandan, she cannot even distract a serial rapist from Kajura’s boring speech (names withheld)!
I am not a sadist. I know from the way the EC handled mayoral elections in Kampala on Wednesday, that we can do worse than this - unless I show you the direction.
That is why I have innovated a parliamentary beauty pageant before someone else comes up with my idea.
Voting is today. The elective post is Miss 9th Parliament.
Contestants are human species of the female gender whose pictures I have already got and the nominations are closed. Don’t get the impression, reading this informed verdict, that the major contribution of female MPs is to decorate the parliament with their beauty.
It is not. The main contribution of all our honourable MPs is to deplete our resources by earning money, eating more money and taking home even more money - without improving our household incomes – unless the MP comes from your household.
And the winner is … Sorry, the monopoly of Hon. Susan Nakawuki and Hon. Nabilah Naggayi Sempala has been broken by incoming whips! And if they don’t hurry to ‘see’ me, all the ballot boxes will be empty before the election begins. They have five minutes to do this.
The new parliament is once again dominated by testosterone emitting males, whose most attractive sexual feature is likely to be … I don’t know.
But, if you let them, they will find inspiration and motivation from their beautiful female colleagues. The neighbour’s beauty alone can improve the quality of debating.
And the winner is … By the way, this is the most impartial election by Uganda’s standards: No biographies, no speeches, no interview, no swimsuits, or evening wear or those weird fruits they use as clothing (a real excuse to leave certain parts exposed) and no consideration of those who returned the sh20m. And on my part, no legal qualification to bias the ‘people’s choice’.
The winner is … Rhona Rita Ninsiima, Independent from Kabale!
(Pause for applause)!
Any protest should be addressed through courts of law, especially if it is coming from Amelia Kyambadde (Mawokota North) or Mariam Nalubega (Butambala Woman).
Don’t worry if you are an MP and have been deemed uglier; the consolation is that you are a lot smarter than the person who has read up to this point.