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Win a lover with a defection strategy

By Vision Reporter

Added 16th March 2011 03:00 AM

I have very nearly fractured my writing fingers recording the number of defections coming into the Movement. Before my ink ran dry, I had about 10 million defections.

I have very nearly fractured my writing fingers recording the number of defections coming into the Movement. Before my ink ran dry, I had about 10 million defections.

By Hillary Bainemigisha

I have very nearly fractured my writing fingers recording the number of defections coming into the Movement. Before my ink ran dry, I had about 10 million defections.

Added to the 11 million Movement voters, it comes to … to … who did arithmetic? Isn’t that more than the population of voters? Maybe. But who cares?

In politics, defection is the in-thing even when the same people must be used to defect again and again in different parts of the country. The beauty of politics is that the bosses with the money don’t remember faces.

The president has a pen in hand to write down names of his first team cabinet and other dining room posts.

One of the assured ways by which to get your name into his ink is to look for opposition posters, T shirts, cards and people who look like they were planning to burn the city and parade them as having been convinced by you to cross to the Movement.

And nobody will smell the goats out of the sheep. Maybe if my wife was around, she would have helped the leaders-elect to smoke out the genuine defectors.

That woman has supernatural powers of smell. She can smell out my socks from under the bed just because I put them on the previous day for eight hours.

You know how, by bed time, you are in a hurry to vote before the time closes and not in the general mode to remember where the socks that were on your feet went. The next day she will use sensors in her nose to determine the exact location and pull them from under the bed with that mamba look on her face.

I, on the other hand, never smell anything. I routinely continue chewing my groundnut grains during my toilet visits and don’t mind not changing sheets when I intend to spoil them once more.

I also, oh, I remember, I too can smell! I can sniff out an ovulating woman from the crowd if my interest level in her is high enough.

Back to defectors. There is a dating trick you can borrow from the opposition defections to get your name on the list of your target lover.

If, for instance, you have been campaigning so hard and still, the voter is not getting interested, make friends with her colleagues and go ahead to impress them with your humour, intellect and (fill in what else you have here).

If you can’t get them to defect to your company, you can bribe them to talk favourably about you in the earshot of the voter. It is the politics of numbers.

According to research, women get more interested in mates who are also acceptable to their friends and peers.

In fact, if her friends can’t stop talking nicely about you, your humour and potential, it will create a virtual competition, a situation of ghost defections that will kind of hurry up her decision about voting for you.

Her subconscious will get scared of the possibility of her friend getting on your cabinet list before she does.

The next time you go there to ask for votes, you will find your ballot box stuffed before the voting opens.

Men too want women that impress their peers because it sort of improves their subconscious quest for alpha male status.

If his friends can get to publicly defect to you, it will hurry up his advance. There you go, now you know how to wake him up if you think he is dragging his feet - get close to his friends.

You are free to try the strategy.

If it doesn’t work, consider it one of those weather warnings about the serious drought.

I am sure our meteorological station guys look outside their office windows cursing the rain they said would come anytime this decade and feel bad.

They forget that, as with Pastor Kayanja and his election prophecy, there is always an explanation for different results from a strategy or vote results or failed corruption crusade or an election campaign.

You can blame it on the media for instance. How could they report rain when our weather forecast prophesied doom? These people, they can still declare that real rain is expected in May.

Win a lover with a defection strategy

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