By Angela Ndagano

HE is just not that into you, a book by Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo was a best-seller, just because it was addressed to the urban woman looking for marriage.

Our society has nurtured us to believe that when it comes to a lifetime commitment, it is only the women who are disadvantaged.

As a girl is prepared by her friends for a future heart break, while the teenage boy is told tales of how to get rid of a clingy girlfriend. But the reality is men too, are also often caught up in meaningless relationships.

Let us get this clear. It is true that women love to be sought after, but only by guys whom they are interested in. “Some guys just keep pushing, thinking you are just playing hard to get, yet you have no interest at all,’’ says Samantha, a banker.

Do not get drawn in and set a wedding date just because she introduced you to her close friends. Think twice; you may be just a joke to the group. Her friends may be simply nice because they look at you as an ATM machine to cater for their demands. “There are those guys you have to keep around because you need them for their money, but time comes when you become independent and do not need them anymore,” says Phiona, a sales executive.

An engineer we can only identify as David, says he was in a relationship with a campus girl who never asked him for any money but she dumped him for another man. “She liked being around me, we always went out together and I could tell that all her friends liked me. But she decided to dump me and settle down with another guy,” he says.

David was puzzled because he had the looks and qualities every girl would die for, yet he lost his girlfriend to another man.

If you are like David, you are a trophy boyfriend. Your physique and perfect looks make you the envy of her friends. However, when the time comes for her to choose a lifetime partner, your looks are no longer a valued asset.

“While at campus, you definitely hang around some kind of guys to seek approval from your friends. My friends actually met my husband only three months to my introduction, but my elder sister and my mother had met him several times,” recalls Emily, a mother of two.

The bottom line is, if a girl really likes you, she will at least introduce you to some of her close family members and not only to her party friends.

How many times have you asked her out for a date and she asks you who else is going? Well, the truth is she probably just wants to have fun but not with you alone. She would rather hang out with a couple of friends than with you alone.

On facebook, her relationship status remains ‘single’ or sometimes it is left blank. A woman who is serious with her man will let the whole world know.

It is worse if she even ignores your request to become her facebook friend.

“She kept ignoring my friend requests but when I checked her profile using a colleague’s facebook page, she was in a relationship with another person,” narrates Isaac, who thought he was in a relationship with her.

When it comes to public affection, your so-called girlfriend keeps her distance. She quickly pulls away her hand each time you want to hold it. She does not hug you with all her heart and all the romantic escapades you share indoors, don’t count in the presence of other people.

She keeps telling you she wants to marry an accountant with a good sense of humor. You, on the other hand, are an upcoming artiste and she has never praised your sense of humor.

A woman will always look out for the kind of man she has always dreamed about. If she speaks about wanting to be with someone with different traits from yours, take that as a hint you are not her perfect man.