Sexy as sin and twice as dangerous, Cecilia killed me

My First Love

I had been lucky in love till I met a girl who opened the door to a series of thunderbolts that made me mistake a dog for a goat. And by the time I realised it was a dog, I had munched its ribs! But even when you crash, you don’t lose it all. You may lose the lady, but not the experience.

Her name was Tracy. I had just left Bombo Army Secondary School when she showed up with my 16 months old baby boy. I was in form six. Both my parents had just passed on. I tried my best, as a young man to clothe, feed and nurture a sick baby. And the mother wasn’t easy to live with either.

My sisters helped me a lot, while I looked for any odd job. As luck had it, one of my sisters got Tracy a job as a sponsorship clerk with an NGO in Kitgum. But she warned me that since the pay was really good, I should be sure about Tracy, lest she gets money and develops wings. I assured her and Tracy and the baby went to live with my sister in Kitgum.

I remained in Pader.

Within a month, my sister was already uncomfortable with Tracy. She told me Tracy had started coming home late, had become arrogant and very secretive. But I would call Tracy and her sweet voice would convince me there was no problem.

One day, my sister told me Tracy was being dropped home by a man older than my father and she suspected they were having a relationship. I immediately took her on.

“I can date whoever I want to date,” Tracy retorted. “By the way, Phillips, what are you doing to support me? And please don’t think that I’m surviving because of this job that your sister got me. It’s not the best job anyway. I’m on my way to getting a better one soon.”

Love lost
To our surprise, within few weeks Tracy and her son left my sister’s place to live with that man. I pleaded on my knees and assured her of my love and plans for the future. But Tracy just gave me an acid look.

“I want nothing to do with you Phillips. Love is gone; why can’t you see that?”

I lost my Tracy. I almost ran mad. I was frustrated for months. I would take up a girl and, before long, start comparing her with my Tracy. I would then feel she didn’t measure up and drop her.

The angel
Then I met Cecilia. She was a hot chick of 18, curved in all the right places. She had a face I could not forget in a hurry and a body to kill for. She possessed almost all the great features imaginable and there was no way I could remain in hibernation.

It was in February 2008. I was working at some computer centre in Pader when, suddenly, a girl with a face of an angel came in to ask me to help her with her CV. It was her first time to visit the village. She was in her S6 vacation from one of the St. Lawrence schools in Kampala. Unfortunately, I discovered she was a sister to my close friends. And since I could not betray that friendship, I had to abandon any love thoughts.

But the next day, she returned and, before I knew it, I had asked her out. We went to a bar in the company of a friend. As the evening wore on, she called me behind the bar and, without warning, grabbed me and kissed me hard! Then she ran back. I was confused. I had not known this lady for more than a day!

From that time, Cecilia started frequenting the computer centre, tempting me to overlook my friendship with her brothers. One day, dressed to kill as usual, looking as sexy as sin and twice as dangerous, Cecilia came to my work station. As we were talking, her brothers found us and locked the door from outside. They then called in policemen who arrested me on the brothers’ accusation of sexual harassment.

When her dad came to the police station, he demanded that his daughter gets tested for HIV and pregnancy. I pleaded my innocence and the tests vindicated us. I was released but spent a week in pain and suffering severe headache.

But rather than being put off by the incident, Cecilia kept her foot on the gas. I also bit the bait to spite the people who had me jailed, not knowing I would land in bigger problems.

Dangerous kick-off
One evening, within that month of my arrest, we were in a bar drinking and her brothers were around. I got an SMS from Cecilia: “Mind giving me a snog?” I couldn’t resist. The battle line between me and her family was firmly drawn. I decided to revenge in style. My ability to buy booze and mix well with her brothers, my former tormentors, would help me later.

I knew that the brothers were Man United fans and were watching the match. I checked around the empty streets and decided to make my move. I knew it could be a trap to arrest me and my tension was high. But the danger just increased my excitement.

It was 9:00pm and the moon was kind of dim. We met, kissed, held and squeezed away; whispering silly nothings to each other. All my Tracy nightmares were washed away. I knew Cecilia could break my heart but I didn’t care. At least I had the heart to give and for her, I was willing to lose it again.

By the time I returned to the pub, I was walking in Italics. I looked forward to a hot affair with Cecilia. It rolled off as fun. I gave her my all from day one, but she kept a large part of herself from me. At first I blamed this on pressure from her family which rejected our relationship and hoped she would open up. Later, I wasn’t so sure.

Whatever it was, it made our love life tricky. To meet, she had to sneak out of home, dodge mass on Sunday, come up with excuses to leave home, etc.

Ghost from the past
We generally had to keep innovating. I had to give Cecilia my phone. It was bound to be a relationship of ups and downs.

The chaos started from Tracy. Tracy got pregnant by the old man who snatched her away from me. During one antenatal visit, she discovered she was HIV positive.

When she heard about me and Cecilia, she confronted her on phone, demanding that she leaves me alone because she was my wife.

Cecilia was shocked. She threatened to leave. Through pain, sorrow and doubt, I tried my best to explain that Tracy was not my wife. Fortunately, Cecilia believed me and that seemed to make us stronger.

The breakup
Soon after, Cecilia had to leave for Kampala to get her results. I wanted to accompany her but she said her dad would take her. The phone I gave her had been taken away the previous night, meaning a total black out. As soon as I established that she hadn’t moved with her dad but the driver, I quickly got the driver’s number and called to speak to my sweetheart. I was in for a big surprise!

Cecilia was in a different mood! She told me to forget her and assured me she never had feelings for me. She said she was actually looking forward for meeting her real boyfriend in Kampala.

I hang up and wished I could die.

But to my dismay, she called me everyday. A month later, she even proposed we meet in Lira on her way back to the village. I didn’t go.

Four months later, Cecilia returned to Kitgum but I ignored her, trying very hard to move on with my life.

Then she came over to my place but we laughed throughout the evening and none of us discussed love. Later that night, when she returned home, Cecilia was beaten unconscious for having visited me and was rushed to hospital. I started fearing for my life. Nevertheless, I decided to venture and see her in hospital. My sister and aunt said it was dangerous and unwise, but I insisted. To save me from the danger, they decided that I leave Kitgum. They hurriedly got me a course to study in Kampala.

I enrolled for a diploma in Information Technology. Days passed and I started moving on with life.

Then, one day out of the blue, Cecilia came to see me at the institute. I couldn’t believe my eyes. She said she was pursuing a diploma in human resource and business administration.

My Love returns
I want to believe we fell in love again and many things happened. With our bitter past behind us, I was sure things would get better. Almost like husband and wife, we loved each other and got along well. Our friends admired us.

A year later, my course was over and I returned to work in Kitgum. I can say I never saved any money for the first six months, because Cecilia was always travelling to Kitgum. I never regretted the nine times within a semester she had to come because my job was so demanding that I could not travel to Kampala.

After six months probation, I explained to her how we couldn’t go on living on dreams alone; we needed savings, investments. But Cecilia took it badly. She accused me of trying to avoid her. That, maybe, I had another woman. She picked up fights out of nowhere, sulking for long and deliberately making me jealous.

One night - it was about 9:00pm - we had returned home from watching a world cup 2010 match. I had noticed that throughout the evening, Cecilia had been receiving SMSs and texting back. Then, God is great: My friend called me on her phone and she had to hand it over. As soon as I finished talking, she tried to snatch the phone from my hand.

That made me very suspicious. I resisted and read the last message. It read: “I need to make love to you in public!” I almost collapsed. Cecilia then boldly told me: “Sorry that you got to know about it like that.”

...and leaves again
Before I knew what I was doing, I hit her hard! I chased her over chairs, out of the house and into the bush. I told her to leave my house immediately. That was something I couldn’t take. She did not even apologise or explain herself. She just said: “To hell with you; you will die a miserable man!”

At my age a tear is a very costly asset, but I cried for Cecilia. I was madly in love with this lady. I bled from within and wished I could die.

Two weeks later, I was returning from the bathroom when my phone rang. “Phil!” It was Cecilia! “Trust, hope, faith and love abide, but the greatest of all these is love. Phillips, I’m tired of running away from my feelings. No man will ever take your place in my life. I love you so much and we need to talk!”

I was confused. I didn’t want to give her another opportunity to break my heart but I was eager to hear and accept her apologies. Everyone makes mistakes. So we met.

“Phillips,” she said passionately, “I love you so much, but I was trying to find a way of running away before you could to leave me someday.” I gave her another chance. If you have never been in love, you will not understand.

A month later, Cecilia told me she wasn’t feeling well. She said she vomited a lot and suspected she was pregnant. I was happy. My mind wandered to the future, imagined a boy; tall, dark and handsome, playing with me. But she wanted an abortion. I travelled to Kampala and suggested she relocates to another hostel. I would fund her accommodation and hospital bills. But I told her I would not give her money for an abortion.

On hearing that, she lost it. She wailed and abused me. All she wanted from me was money for an abortion. “So that was your cheap plan Phillips? My mum will never allow me carry your bastard. If you want to have something, you shouldn’t use force because you will lose it all, you coward.” She refused to show me her test results and instead, accused me of not trusting her. I told her to prepare for a test the next morning. “Phillips, I know all this is about your money. Just remove your things and set me free. Leave me the way you found me,” she said and walked out of the room, slammed the door and the hinges almost broke off.

She still refused to test. I returned to Kitgum. A week later, my friend Rosette told me that Cecilia was very ill and dehydrated. She said her pregnancy would not survive the stress she was going through. She needed money for treatment. My resistance broke down and I decided to give her the money without seeing the test results, at least to save my unborn child.

I sent her an SMS warning her not to abort. She replied: “I know you will be happy without me. Phillips, I have failed to make you happy even with this baby.”

Two days later, she was in my house in Kitgum with a look of “I love you more than yesterday”, all over her face, to make me believe she hadn’t terminated the pregnancy. She promised to send me the test results and returned to Kampala. She did not.

Set her free
Cecilia’s ‘abortion’ or detoothing (whatever the case was) and refusal to show me her pregnancy test results left a bad taste in my mouth. I realised that the relationship was taking us nowhere. It was like Cecilia fell in love with me for the wrong reasons; now it was time to break up for the right reasons.

I decided to first set her free; I wanted her to see life in a wider perspective, then decide whether I was the right man for her or not. I told her as much.

Cecilia continued to make those numerous phone calls which I didn’t pick.

I also ignored the other girls – some even more beautiful than her, who were trying to seduce me.

Cecilia would text me but I would not reply. Then she started posting messages on my facebook wall because she knew I was always on facebook. She would also communicate to my sisters asking them how I was doing.

Then, one time, she inboxed me that she had found another guy, because she was trying to get back at me.

A few days later, she sent me a message saying she had gotten a job and that I should celebrate with her.

Later, I travelled for a seminar in Kampala. She joined me for a drink. It was three months since we had parted company. She was arrogant and very proud but I let it pass. I returned to Kitgum without any romantic exchange.

Just after Christmas, I was surprised to see her at my door. She said she just had come for New Year celebrations and refused to talk about anything else. But she wanted to stay the night. During the night, she told me about her affair with another man which had not worked out. She informed me that she was back with me whether I wanted it or not!

She was with me for a week. And we resumed! We even planned to be together on Valentine’s Day. We called each other daily. But on Valentine’s, I failed to travel to Kampala. I was broke. I had just paid my brother’s school fees and I was actually working on my quarterly report. I promised to join her on her birthday which was in the next month.

She refused to believe it. She accused me of not making her my priority. “Don’t justify your lack of concern Phillips,” she texted me, “I’m not ready for a man who thinks I’m too expensive for him. Let’s part ways!”

How funny that people can come in and out of your life so quickly yet leave footprints and memories that affect your heart forever!

Cecilia had become like a borrowed item that you always expect to be taken back.

but even then, I swore that this would not make me love her less. Hope for her return refused to die, so, I sent her transport money to come to Kitgum and that was the last time she picked up my calls.

It is a month on and she only sends me texts to annoy me. But she still inquires about me from friends and relatives.

I pray she never comes back but if she did, I don’t think I would be properly fortified to resist her.