'Beauty made me arrogant'
May 13, 2011
JOY Kihuguru had it all; a well-paying job as corporate accounts manager of Celtel (now Airtel), driving a flashy cooperate car and married with a son. However, behind the veil of her glamourous life, there was nothing but brokenness and a deep loss of self-esteem. She shared her experience with <b>
JOY Kihuguru had it all; a well-paying job as corporate accounts manager of Zain (now Airtel), driving a flashy cooperate car and married with a son. However, behind the veil of her glamourous life, there was nothing but brokenness and a deep loss of self-esteem. She shared her experience with Samuel Lutwama
You had it all. What went wrong?
On the surface, my life seemed to be okay, but the truth was that inside, I felt empty and I didn’t know what the emptiness was all about. Later, I realised that I had wrongly thought that my validation came from my job, physical appearance and the way society perceived me, as someone who had it all.
Because of that, I ended up making wrong decisions. I married someone who was not my friend in the first place. Two years into marriage, we went our separate ways because of irreconcilable differences.
Did you play a part in the break-up?
I had an idyllic childhood; I was the apple of my dad’s eye. Quite often, my father told me that I was pretty; once he told me that even if I put on barkcloth, I would still look beautiful.
So I grew up with arrogance, blinded by the belief that my validation came from my looks. When I got into a relationship, my husband was able to detect my vulnerability, which was rooted within. Later, I learnt that an abuser can detect vulnerability. Our relationship was flawed.
Did you want a relationship that mirrored your parents’ marriage?
I think that is exactly what I thought at the beginning. I grew up fantasising about a man who would be exactly like my father in all ways. Someone who would love me the way my father loved my mother. But I was quite wrong on that assumption.
Divorce must have been pretty hard on you. How did you pull yourself together?
The whole process of separation and eventual divorce left me disillusioned and feeling like a failure who had let down those who believed in me. The guilt of betrayal weighed heavily on me as I contemplated coping as a single mother. It was a painful experience, but thank God, at that time I was led to Kansanga Miracle Church, where I began healing and rediscovering myself under the pastoral care of Isaac Kiwewesi.
You have talked about rediscovering yourself...
The first thing I discovered when I got saved was that my validation came from God and not the things I had believed in since my childhood. Ironically, I realized that I was messed up in my mind and in the process I had lost my personal identify in the things I believed in which actually did not define me as a person.
Many people are lost in things which don’t define them. Using your experience, how can you help them discover who they are?
First, I started by looking at myself as a human being with an intrinsic character. I started to look at those things I failed to do at that time. I started to deal with the things that needed to be changed to become a better person. I had to go through a lot. Fortunately I was able to pay the full price.
What have you learnt from your own experience?
Over the years, I have come to realise that you can be very beautiful and look like you have it all but if God’s hand is not upon your life, whatever you have is a reproach, not a blessing.
How do you plan to use your experience for the sake of those who are still going through what you went through?
I intend to use my reality TV show, ‘Open Heart with Joy K’ which will soon air on WBS.
You had it all. What went wrong?
On the surface, my life seemed to be okay, but the truth was that inside, I felt empty and I didn’t know what the emptiness was all about. Later, I realised that I had wrongly thought that my validation came from my job, physical appearance and the way society perceived me, as someone who had it all.
Because of that, I ended up making wrong decisions. I married someone who was not my friend in the first place. Two years into marriage, we went our separate ways because of irreconcilable differences.
Did you play a part in the break-up?
I had an idyllic childhood; I was the apple of my dad’s eye. Quite often, my father told me that I was pretty; once he told me that even if I put on barkcloth, I would still look beautiful.
So I grew up with arrogance, blinded by the belief that my validation came from my looks. When I got into a relationship, my husband was able to detect my vulnerability, which was rooted within. Later, I learnt that an abuser can detect vulnerability. Our relationship was flawed.
Did you want a relationship that mirrored your parents’ marriage?
I think that is exactly what I thought at the beginning. I grew up fantasising about a man who would be exactly like my father in all ways. Someone who would love me the way my father loved my mother. But I was quite wrong on that assumption.
Divorce must have been pretty hard on you. How did you pull yourself together?
The whole process of separation and eventual divorce left me disillusioned and feeling like a failure who had let down those who believed in me. The guilt of betrayal weighed heavily on me as I contemplated coping as a single mother. It was a painful experience, but thank God, at that time I was led to Kansanga Miracle Church, where I began healing and rediscovering myself under the pastoral care of Isaac Kiwewesi.
You have talked about rediscovering yourself...
The first thing I discovered when I got saved was that my validation came from God and not the things I had believed in since my childhood. Ironically, I realized that I was messed up in my mind and in the process I had lost my personal identify in the things I believed in which actually did not define me as a person.
Many people are lost in things which don’t define them. Using your experience, how can you help them discover who they are?
First, I started by looking at myself as a human being with an intrinsic character. I started to look at those things I failed to do at that time. I started to deal with the things that needed to be changed to become a better person. I had to go through a lot. Fortunately I was able to pay the full price.
What have you learnt from your own experience?
Over the years, I have come to realise that you can be very beautiful and look like you have it all but if God’s hand is not upon your life, whatever you have is a reproach, not a blessing.
How do you plan to use your experience for the sake of those who are still going through what you went through?
I intend to use my reality TV show, ‘Open Heart with Joy K’ which will soon air on WBS.