What if your pastor falls in love with you?
Jun 03, 2011
FOR some sisters in Christ, the innocent moments of counselling, inspired by the strong trust in the man of God, may make them vulnerable to demands for sex. Often, the girl thinks she has no option but to give in. She imagines that no one would believe her if she reported the matter.
By Stella Nassuna
FOR some sisters in Christ, the innocent moments of counselling, inspired by the strong trust in the man of God, may make them vulnerable to demands for sex. Often, the girl thinks she has no option but to give in. She imagines that no one would believe her if she reported the matter.
She believes that reporting the matter may end up destroying her name, as the mighty pastor thrives unscathed. The balance of power is never in her favour. Other times, the girl may imagine that sleeping with the man of God promises good harvest; money, fame, marriage.
She may have been waiting for that opportunity and may have actually been throwing seductive baits. The pastor’s assumed seduction becomes her victory.
Many believers think pastors often get a little carried away by their lady flock. One Joan said her youth pastor who is the talk among almost all the girls in their ministry, has reportedly approached many of them saying God has revealed to him His plan for the two to become man and wife.
Later, these girls would compare notes and discover that according to the youth pastor, God had plans for him and every other girl. Joan also talks of the girls who aggressively seduce their pastors, sometimes by faking counselling problems.
There is a rumour of a young attractive Samantha at their church who is said to have stripped during a counselling session. The pastor preached about it without naming names saying after a late night choir practice, she asked him if he could listen to her small problem.
As soon as they entered his office, she closed the door and teasingly dropped the key into her cleavage. When her point was not understood, she stripped naked ostensibly looking for the key.
Pastor Aaron Mutebi of Miracle Centre, Entebbe says pastors are humans and adds that if a pastor is not conscious about the way he conducts his ministerial work, he may be headed for disaster.
He advises pastors to set limits between themselves and their congregation, especially the females. “It would not be advisable for a male pastor to conduct a counselling session behind closed doors or at night, especially when dealing with a female,†he says.
“Even if a pastor is so sure of his spiritual maturity and resistance, he cannot be immune to false rumours. It will be very hard to explain himself if the girl alleged some seduction.â€
What if the pastor wants you?
According to Pastor Mutebi, it is always possible for a pastor to have sexual temptations and to succumb to them under certain conditions.
So, he advises women that if the pastor wants you, the first question you should ask yourself is; is the pastor married? If he is, then he should be contraband and any involvement with him would be sinful.
Express profound shock at his behaviour and remind him of his matrimonial vows and threaten to expose him. You can add that while people can be tempted, the anointed of the Lord have the means to resist. “The pastor also has to repent immediately and keep fighting off these feelings every time they show up,†he adds.
The woman should also be single, Hilary Bainemigisha, a relationship counsellor, adds. It doesn’t help if the woman is married and the pastor, single.
“The woman must also avoid tempting situations with a married pastor especially that one who has ever expressed interest,†Bainemigisha says.
“As a pastor, he has more interest in preserving his status and marriage, so the woman is the loser in the relationship.â€
Mutebi, however, notes that where both are single, there is no harm in the pastor expressing his desire to the lady in church. But the pastor must also be disciplined enough to follow the right Christian procedure and to wait for her answer and not pressure her to give in without time to think and consult.
“If the girl says no, the pastor should respect that, especially if she repeatedly says it,†Mutebi says.
He agrees that some pastors invoke God’s will, but every sister at church knows how God’s will works. God usually reveals his plan to both parties not just one.
Look at the story of Joseph and Mary; the angel appeared to both of them with the same message.â€
But what if the pastor (or woman) is married to someone else, and he still wants a sexual relationship?
Joseph Musaalo a counsellor at Christian University, Mukono, says both parties can make their own decisions depending on what they personally want.
“If the girl is not interested in the pastor, whether he is married or not, she should feel free to tell him or act like she is not interested,†he says.
If the pastor persists even after several rejections, quoting God’s will or any other scary motives, then it could be that he is suffering from spiritual myopia.
Musaalo advises that the woman should seek the involvement of the elders of the church.
If these cannot help, the best thing is for the girl to walk away from this church and join a safer haven.
Mutebi, however, says this should come as a last resort because the church has many structures to address this problem.
He adds that even if both are single and it is the girl who wants the pastor, she can use the influence of the elders to help her inform the pastor about it.
“It also follows that if the pastor says he does not feel the same way, the girl should accept it. If it is too hard for her to bear, she should think of seeking professional counselling,†he advises.
By Hilary Bainemigisha
One Martin Okumu has dragged a Catholic priest, Fr J.B. Kalanzi Sseppuuya of Kampala to court for grabbing his wife and bearing a child with her.
Such publicised cases of pastors snatching lovers from their flock have been common in the churches. Pastors rise suddenly and thrive only to be brought down by sexual scandals.
From the Biblical era, right through the times of ancient civilisation, to today, men esteemed so highly by society have been falling by the mighty sword of sexual temptation.
In Uganda, the script is the same, except that it rarely ends in arrests. But big names have been associated with sexual scandals, from politicians and army officers to teachers and pastors
In ethics, the sexual relationships between a father-figure authority and a child-figure, such as pastor-believer, is condemned as incest. It is assumed that the trust a child places in a parent is similar to the one of a worshipper in a pastor.
Usually, when the two find themselves in a private place, it could be that the woman actually was led by trust in the father figure man of God. The bargaining power of the pastor is too overwhelming to be resisted.
Yet stories of shepherds feeding on their flock have become common news. A pastor has impregnated a choir leader. A prophetess has snatched someone else’s husband. A girl has been defiled at church.
We call them scandals. Some believers call them allegations. Culprits call them temptations and victims, betrayal. Whatever it is, those in the know think we have not given enough advice to the ladies on how to resist the roaring lion. Many girls do not know that the church elders can help. Many sex scandals we have reported came from police intervention.
FOR some sisters in Christ, the innocent moments of counselling, inspired by the strong trust in the man of God, may make them vulnerable to demands for sex. Often, the girl thinks she has no option but to give in. She imagines that no one would believe her if she reported the matter.
She believes that reporting the matter may end up destroying her name, as the mighty pastor thrives unscathed. The balance of power is never in her favour. Other times, the girl may imagine that sleeping with the man of God promises good harvest; money, fame, marriage.
She may have been waiting for that opportunity and may have actually been throwing seductive baits. The pastor’s assumed seduction becomes her victory.
Many believers think pastors often get a little carried away by their lady flock. One Joan said her youth pastor who is the talk among almost all the girls in their ministry, has reportedly approached many of them saying God has revealed to him His plan for the two to become man and wife.
Later, these girls would compare notes and discover that according to the youth pastor, God had plans for him and every other girl. Joan also talks of the girls who aggressively seduce their pastors, sometimes by faking counselling problems.
There is a rumour of a young attractive Samantha at their church who is said to have stripped during a counselling session. The pastor preached about it without naming names saying after a late night choir practice, she asked him if he could listen to her small problem.
As soon as they entered his office, she closed the door and teasingly dropped the key into her cleavage. When her point was not understood, she stripped naked ostensibly looking for the key.
Pastor Aaron Mutebi of Miracle Centre, Entebbe says pastors are humans and adds that if a pastor is not conscious about the way he conducts his ministerial work, he may be headed for disaster.
He advises pastors to set limits between themselves and their congregation, especially the females. “It would not be advisable for a male pastor to conduct a counselling session behind closed doors or at night, especially when dealing with a female,†he says.
“Even if a pastor is so sure of his spiritual maturity and resistance, he cannot be immune to false rumours. It will be very hard to explain himself if the girl alleged some seduction.â€
What if the pastor wants you?
According to Pastor Mutebi, it is always possible for a pastor to have sexual temptations and to succumb to them under certain conditions.
So, he advises women that if the pastor wants you, the first question you should ask yourself is; is the pastor married? If he is, then he should be contraband and any involvement with him would be sinful.
Express profound shock at his behaviour and remind him of his matrimonial vows and threaten to expose him. You can add that while people can be tempted, the anointed of the Lord have the means to resist. “The pastor also has to repent immediately and keep fighting off these feelings every time they show up,†he adds.
The woman should also be single, Hilary Bainemigisha, a relationship counsellor, adds. It doesn’t help if the woman is married and the pastor, single.
“The woman must also avoid tempting situations with a married pastor especially that one who has ever expressed interest,†Bainemigisha says.
“As a pastor, he has more interest in preserving his status and marriage, so the woman is the loser in the relationship.â€
Mutebi, however, notes that where both are single, there is no harm in the pastor expressing his desire to the lady in church. But the pastor must also be disciplined enough to follow the right Christian procedure and to wait for her answer and not pressure her to give in without time to think and consult.
“If the girl says no, the pastor should respect that, especially if she repeatedly says it,†Mutebi says.
He agrees that some pastors invoke God’s will, but every sister at church knows how God’s will works. God usually reveals his plan to both parties not just one.
Look at the story of Joseph and Mary; the angel appeared to both of them with the same message.â€
But what if the pastor (or woman) is married to someone else, and he still wants a sexual relationship?
Joseph Musaalo a counsellor at Christian University, Mukono, says both parties can make their own decisions depending on what they personally want.
“If the girl is not interested in the pastor, whether he is married or not, she should feel free to tell him or act like she is not interested,†he says.
If the pastor persists even after several rejections, quoting God’s will or any other scary motives, then it could be that he is suffering from spiritual myopia.
Musaalo advises that the woman should seek the involvement of the elders of the church.
If these cannot help, the best thing is for the girl to walk away from this church and join a safer haven.
Mutebi, however, says this should come as a last resort because the church has many structures to address this problem.
He adds that even if both are single and it is the girl who wants the pastor, she can use the influence of the elders to help her inform the pastor about it.
“It also follows that if the pastor says he does not feel the same way, the girl should accept it. If it is too hard for her to bear, she should think of seeking professional counselling,†he advises.
By Hilary Bainemigisha
One Martin Okumu has dragged a Catholic priest, Fr J.B. Kalanzi Sseppuuya of Kampala to court for grabbing his wife and bearing a child with her.
Such publicised cases of pastors snatching lovers from their flock have been common in the churches. Pastors rise suddenly and thrive only to be brought down by sexual scandals.
From the Biblical era, right through the times of ancient civilisation, to today, men esteemed so highly by society have been falling by the mighty sword of sexual temptation.
In Uganda, the script is the same, except that it rarely ends in arrests. But big names have been associated with sexual scandals, from politicians and army officers to teachers and pastors
In ethics, the sexual relationships between a father-figure authority and a child-figure, such as pastor-believer, is condemned as incest. It is assumed that the trust a child places in a parent is similar to the one of a worshipper in a pastor.
Usually, when the two find themselves in a private place, it could be that the woman actually was led by trust in the father figure man of God. The bargaining power of the pastor is too overwhelming to be resisted.
Yet stories of shepherds feeding on their flock have become common news. A pastor has impregnated a choir leader. A prophetess has snatched someone else’s husband. A girl has been defiled at church.
We call them scandals. Some believers call them allegations. Culprits call them temptations and victims, betrayal. Whatever it is, those in the know think we have not given enough advice to the ladies on how to resist the roaring lion. Many girls do not know that the church elders can help. Many sex scandals we have reported came from police intervention.