I quit my job to look after my husband and children

Jun 24, 2011

From the time she made the decision to leave work and devote herself to her family five years ago, she has been all smiles. At the time Grace Ononge, a mother of three boys, quit her job, she was an administrator and accountant at a busy Kampala hospital.

BY FIONA LUBOGA

From the time she made the decision to leave work and devote herself to her family five years ago, she has been all smiles. At the time Grace Ononge, a mother of three boys, quit her job, she was an administrator and accountant at a busy Kampala hospital.

She quit after her employers declined to extend her maternity leave. She had just had her third born and wanted to exclusively breastfeed him for six months. Besides, she needed time to sit her exams.

Grace’s mind was made up while praying about her dilemma and she believed that by chasing two things (her job and family), she might lose both.

It was time for Grace to talk to her husband about her decision. To her surprise, he welcomed the idea of her quitting her job to stay at home.

Together, they analysed their income and expenditure. It turned out that Grace was spending her salary mostly on lunch and transport. Further analysis showed that her husband’s salary was enough to cover their basic needs. “What are we striving for yet we are not building our children’s character?” was the biggest question of the moment.

At around that time, the couple attended a parenting seminar by Stephen Langa (Family Life Network). At the end of the seminar, when they did a self-exam, they realised their parenting skills were poor. And at the time, their children had become rebellious.

In addition, Grace had no time for her children because of her tight work schedule. She used to pick the children from school, then eight and five years, rush back to work to complete her day’s tasks and then head home at about 7:00pm. Once they got home, the routine was, do homework, bathe, eat and sleep.

Recently, as the family recalled their old days, her eldest son reminded Grace, once they got home, if they tried to engage her in conversation, her reply was “I am tired, we will talk later, which ‘later’ never came.”

She confesses all she had on her mind was having a bath and sleeping, then waking up early to get the children ready on time and prepare to go to work.

Once Grace made the decision to stay at home, she faced pressure, especially from her relatives and friends. “How can you sit at home? Your husband will get tired of you,” they taunted her.

However, she turned a deaf ear to the cynics because her mind was made up and she had her husband’s support.

“As time went on our home became a joyous environment,” she said. Waking the children up in the morning and preparing them for school became easier, since she was not in a rush anymore. As she prepared for school she kept encouraging each child, turning them into the confident boys they are today.

She is now a happy mother because she had time for her children.

Now with more time on her hands, Grace organises their bedrooms, looks at their school books, prepares their uniforms and cook their meals. When it is time to pick them up, Grace carries juice or a fruit to give them to take as they drive back home.

At home, they would take supper by 7:00pm, have their homework done by 8:30pm, have family prayers and sleep by 9:00pm.

Looking back, Grace says her decision to become a stay-home mom has paid off. She now has time to pray. Without that, she doesn’t think her and her family would be where they are now.

Grace has read many books on parenting. “Whatever I read, I have time to implement,” she says.

“Most importantly, I now have time to meet with God and pray for each of my children, by name.”

Her husband has also been so supportive that he would even lay hands on her and pray for her not to give up what God has put on her heart. On the more positive side, God increased her husband’s earnings.

Her relationship with her sons has improved. Grace says there is nothing that happens to her sons that she does not know. And she can tell when something is not right with any of them and implores them to discuss it with her. Plus, both parents and children have been able to bond more. When they go out to meet friends and relatives, the children get restless and ask to return home.

While Grace was working, the care of her husband was in the hands of the maid because she was always in a rush. “If it was a car, I would be written off,” she jokes.

Grace can now take more care of herself and be smart for her husband. When her husband gets home, he finds everything ready. He recently told her he looks forward to going back home to her. Her secret is that she is always ready to soothe and relax him after a long, tiring day.

Besides, he now has an assistant in Grace. When he needs some help at work, he gives her a call and she is always ready to step in.

Now that Grace is in charge of her home, they save a lot. Once upon a time, they would consume 3kg of sugar a week and now it is only 1kg a week.

And while her husband makes the money, they decide together how to use it and Grace implements it. For instance, when they were building their house, Grace purchased all the building materials and also moved around to different shops comparing the prices. In the end, they got good bargains. Grace also says they got better at saving and investment through the All Saints Young Marrieds Fellowship seminars.

Grace’s advice to mothers who want to follow in her footsteps is to seek God first.

“Once you make the decision, there will be peer pressure, but it is only you who knows the needs of your home.”

Grace and her husband celebrated their 14th wedding anniversary this week.

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