Pay attention to the long ignored things

By John Masaba
 
Christmas, they say, is about giving. Shopping malls are bustling with last minute shoppers. And enticing discount offers are pasted all over town to encourage gifting-shopping endeavours.

 But with the high inflation, many families are cutting on their expenditure and giving priority to basics.
As a father and husband, you are probably scratching your head, wondering what to lay on the table so as to bring that smile to the faces of your loved ones.

Joseph Musaalo, a counsellor, says Christmas season is a traumatic experience for most family heads.
In a bid to give their families a memorable Christmas, many families slip into knee high debt.

But must you have bundles of cash in order to give generously to your family at Christmas?
Musaalo says there is a vast selection of gifts that cost nothing, but would give your family a memorable festive season.
The source of joy for your wife is not only about an expensive holiday to one of those top tourist resorts. Neither is it about jewelry, according to Musaalo.

“Sometimes, it is about attending to the little things you have ignored for long.”
 Yes, you might have given ‘all’ to her throughout the year, but the smile you have worked hard to put on her face may not be there yet.

Musaalo warns that before you begin thinking that she is an unappreciative wife, find out whether you have done enough to make her happy. 

Look back and ask yourself how many things went wrong.
Have you broken a promise you made? Have you often showed lack of appreciation for her efforts or often not given her your ear when she has something to say? “Then you have been making major withdrawals on her emotional bank account,” says Musaalo.

Your spouse’s greatest gift this Christmas will be replenishing that depleting account.
Faith Mbabazi, a counsellor at Uganda Christian University, Mukono, says to get the best of Christmas, you should, as a husband, focus on the symbolism to our lives.

“The birth of Jesus symbolises love. This means forgetting the past and focusing on making each other happy,” she says. And as a husband, you should create the good mood to open up and discuss things that affect your marriage, says Mbabazi.   

Attending to the little things
Little courtesies, kind words and warm smiles are at the heart of the little things that brighten up a relationship. “It shows recognition and an awareness of others,” Musaalo adds.

 One of those little things is showing personal integrity. Integrity is regarded as the honesty and truthfulness or accuracy of one’s actions and it is the foundation upon which all successful relationships are built.

If your ratings have been poor in this area, Musaalo says, this Christmas offers you a moment to turn over a new leaf. 
 
Apologising for the mistakes during the year 
When was the last time you said sorry? We are all mortal and therefore we make mistakes.
 “Admitting guilt prevents the wounds that you have caused in others from aggravating and allows them to heal,” Musaaloadvises.

 Now is the time to bury that ego and settle all the thorny issues that occurred during the year.
Saying “I am sorry” will be a great gift and it will go a long way in mending fences. “This will give her that inner joy that has eluded her for a long time,” Musaalo adds.
 
Try communicating more
The hard financial times are also offering big challenges for most households. While you could have wished to do all the best, economic squeeze could be making life difficult.
However, even when things have gone right, communication offers you a chance to keep your family happy.
 
 More care
Are you having trouble understanding why your wife behaves the way she does? “This Christmas is the time for you to know your wife’s love language,” says Musaalo.

 Happiness comes as a result of understanding what makes her happy. Musaalo says you can try out quality time, words of affirmation and acts of service.

 “You could do some house chore like bathing the children or offering to cook, a little flirting, or a few words of encouragement. You will be surprised at how much she will appreciate that,” he adds. 

 Have some uninterrupted time together. You can also use Christmas to love your wife a little more.
“Women love to be complimented. If I am beautiful or if I am dressed well, say it,” says Mbabazi.

She says now is the time to put family first and relegate all the things you treasured. Was football more fun? Were you willing to spend all your evenings in bar with friends? Mbabazi says now is the time to make changes.

“Throughout the year we have been hearing bad stories, the most recent being a fatal accident in Namanve. So, Christmas is the time to come together and appreciate how kind God has been to us,” she says.

A little love for Children
Do your children run away on seeing you? That means there is something wrong. As a result of being a strict disciplinarian, Musaalo says, your children could keep away from you.

This is not only harmful to a child’s development, but also their relationship with their parent.
 “How exciting it would be for a child and a father to play together!” Mbabazi says. She adds that you can use this time to go out with children and give them a chance to speak their minds.

Musaalo says mending ways with your children is the perfect gift you could offer them this Christmas.
But the greatest gift you would offer this Christmas is being available for each other.

Adapted from Intimate,New vision