Cushion your relationship from festive season stress

Dec 26, 2011

When you think of the Christmas holidays, a lot comes to mind. The top of the list has family gatherings, lots of good food, gift giving, merry making and stress.

By Joyce Nyakato

When you think of the Christmas holidays, a lot comes to mind. The top of the list has family gatherings, lots of good food, gift giving, merry making and stress.

During this time, even the most close-knit families are taxed and pressure on marriages and family relationships is heightened. Whether you are single or in a relationship, the season comes with large doses of anxiety.

It is inevitable that relationships are affected in more ways than one. However, there are major relationship stress factors during the season.

Parties, parties, parties
The season is not just festive because Christmas is around the corner. There are a lot of weddings and end-of-year parties. There is a general laxity followed by a mood to splash some cash about.

This could be detrimental to your relationship, if not checked. A friend told me that her boyfriend invited her to a party. He chose to ignore her and took to the dance floor with a petite work mate. She was bored and frustrated.

When an unknown gentleman asked her to dance, she accepted in order to spite her boyfriend. He fumed and they left the party prematurely.  “We were not on speaking terms for a while after that,” she recalls.

Parents
For the marrieds, this is a likely bone of contention especially when you want to spend Christmas somewhere else. The wife is, at one point, likely to want to spend some time with her own family for Christmas.
Whereas for some families this is a no-brainer, to others, the decision is liberal. This is where the problem comes in. Where were we last year and the year before?
If the last venue was fraught with family feuds, it makes the situation worse. The moment a family fails to make a mutual decision over where they should spend Christmas, one party may sulk the whole season.

Relatives
Sometimes, you have many relatives joining you for Christmas. This holiday is seen as a perfect excuse to hang out with relatives you have not chatted with the whole year. However, we do not always get on with the people we are hanging out with.

Most of us only see some of these people a couple of times a year and don’t have a lot in common with them.
Different opinions within the group make people edgy inhibiting relaxation. In front of relatives, conjuring the picture of a post card family can become a pretty hard task to do.

Relatives impact on the amount of time you spend together and you may have to make a real effort to reconnect with your partner after relatives have rubbed your nerves raw.

Superwoman
I am sure many of the women out there have given their housemaids ‘leave’ just like they got from work.
One is most likely to feel tasked with the duties of being the cook, the wife and mother at the same time, even in the midst of this chaos. There is nothing more annoying than a man not lifting his finger to help with the chores.
Choosing to cross-leg and unwind in front of the TV as he also becomes another child that needs pampering doesn’t help matters either.
If one partner does the lion’s share of the household chores, the stress is bound to show. The sorry state of the bathroom, for example, may become a bigger issue than usual.

Gift giving
Despite the difficult economic times, exchanging gifts is key during this season.
Unfortunately, it is also a source of stress for many.

When you care about someone, it is not unusual to want to buy something special. Sometimes you may feel pressure to buy something that is outside your price range. 

Counsellors advise that people should remember that presents don’t represent what you feel for someone. It is a good idea to stick to what you can afford. Be creative and think of something romantic to do together without spending beyond your budget.

January debt crunch
Many people spend too much during the Christmas season. This is understandable, as most people are on holiday and there is a lot of pressure to spend.

The consequences are felt in January and without money, there is a bit of depression.

Adapted from Intimate, New Vision.

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